Weaving In and Out

 #1 - Trevor Hall's music has really been nourishing me this week.

Monday night before bed I meditated to his "Lime Tree" to calm myself.
Tuesday AM I did the same with his "Mindful Breathing" with Thich Nhat Hanh.
Today I've been listening to both of his Live at Red Rocks shows as I work.

#2 - Last week I found out my friend Paul has a show on Saturday. I reserved 2 tickets not knowing who I'd attend with. I've already seen him twice in the last 6 months with a few friends, so I doubt they'd want to go again.  I asked my sister in law earlier this week, I don't often get alone time with her. She said Saturday would be rushed and to see if I could find anyone else.  

Today she emailed that it would work after all if I hadn't found anyone.

I hadn't tried.

#3 - #5 People Weaving in and Out of our Lives

I'm staying at my friend's a few nights this week with her 13 and 15 year old while their parents are out of town.  It wasn't until I arrived that I realized the last time I slept there was almost exactly 3 years ago when I moved out of the place I shared with my former partner.  I lived with that friend/family over that summer, having no idea what was next. I had always been close to those kids, but that summer they really saved me.

Now they are teenagers and I don't see them much, but this morning before the 13 year old left for the school bus, he gave me a hug at my back as I washed at the kitchen sink.  And the 15 year and I might be playing tennis together today.

Also the Realtor who first tried to help my former partner and I find a house and then help me find a condo 3 years ago said she was interested in the book club I started in November.  She wasn't able to attend the first couple sessions, but she will be here tomorrow. It's also fitting to see her again since she was a big part of my life during that painful transition.

Also a sweetheart (in her 20's) who I met at the retreat center I worked at last summer who lives locally responded to my book club email.  She said she was interested, but hasn't responded or attended thus far, so I told her I was going to take her name off the list.  She replied it hasn't worked out yet but she is still interested.

Impatience

#1 - I have my monthly library poetry group tonight.  I plan on reading poems from Emory Hall, a book given to me by a friend earlier this year.  I haven't had any of my own writing to share for a while.  However as I was skimming thru Hall's book to pick which poems to share, it wore off on me and I wrote one.

#2 - I had a quick turn around as I got home last night about 8pm from an evening home visit and then had a make up visit at 7:20am this morning.  They both contained seeds of beauty.  Last night because I connected the mom to a local park she was not familiar with (we met there).  Today because this family has been a challenge to get to "goal" (a certain number of visits for the program).  Today was a make up visit though and one step closer.

#3 - I picked up a quick pre-made sandwich/dinner on Sunday because I thought I might be watching my friend's son play tennis Monday eve and not have time to make something.  That didn't happen, so today I'm grabbing that to eat between work and poetry group.  It will be a more exciting dinner than the pb&j I would pack otherwise.

#4 - The white blossoming tree outside my bedroom window is exquisite. Just having a tree outside my window is a gift. And when I walked back to my building today I could barely smell the flowering around. Everything has burst the last couple days.  

I've been paying attention.

#5 - The limitations of patience - one of my friends commented how I was a patient person - in response to waiting over 2 years to have a couch here. But patience can be categorical. I am usually patient with children, a patient driver.  However, I am feeling other areas in my life where I lack patience. Fortunately in the middle of that, are many moments of beauty, so my focus does not rest too long on my impatience.

The Beginning - Posner and Spring

 #1 - Really enjoying Mike Posner's latest album - The Beginning.  The lyrics to Kaleidoscope of Emotions are so beautiful and my limited harmony skills are being put to use.

#2 - "I wish you could see yourself right now

struggling and thriving 

at the same time."

Mike Posner

The Veil of Maya

#3 - There are some predicted severe storms today. I am going to close my computer soon, eat dinner and watch the sky change.  Fortunately I've never experienced devastation from a storm and I feel safe at home, so I can feel more awe than fear.

#4 - At the same time I understand the Earth could flick us all away, and in fact has ever accumulating reasons to do just that.  The amount of patience she presents is vast, but likely not unending.

#5 - I'm glad the blossoms aren't quite out on the trees yet, or they'd all be blown away.  I am really trying this year to pay attention to the buds and blooms. It always seems to happen so suddenly.  Like one minute we are asleep and the next awake.  One minute it is brown and desolate looking, and then there is life all around.  I see the buds on the ash tree outside my window.  They are reaching for the sky.

Clear and Kind

#1- I was thinking as I chopped food just now how clarity is kindness.  A guy asked me for a walk today. We walked around a lake and then he asked if I'd had lunch. (We met at 11AM so I had not), so then we walked over and had lunch.  We spent 2 1/2 hours together and the conversation was easy and pleasant. As we were wrapping up he indirectly tried to ask me what I thought and I started talking about the online dating site we were using.  I knew this could be a tricky situation, because if he wanted to meet again, there was no reason to say, "No." I know many "experts" and people in general tell you to give it a second date. At the same time I was neither particularly interested nor curious about meeting again and putting any more time or energy into this.  #2 - Luckily as we parted he said he enjoyed talking to me but didn't really think we were compatible and gave me a quick hug.  Perfect!  I agree. #3 - As I chopped vegetables I thought how refreshing and kind clarity can be. #4 - Most likely this will be the end for me for a while as I signed up for a 6 months subscription that expires in a week and I plan to take a break from online dating for a while. It was nice to end this meeting a more than decent person whom I genuinely wish the best for. I also learned that it sounds like he's had more creepy messages during his time on the site than me.  For example, a woman in Texas reached out to him.  He responded asking something about her being so far away and she said she would be coming to town to visit someone.  Then she said something like after a couple dates if they hit it off she could move here!

#5 - Topic change - Easter is not something I pay attention to.  However yesterday in between cleaning etc. I wanted to take a reading break and I currently don't have anything from the library. Then I remembered last Fall a friend joining the Peace Corps sent me 5 or so of her books. Some I've read. Jesus The Son of Man by Kahlil Gibran I had not.  And I should not be surprised to fall in love with a piece of Gibran's writing.  The Prophet is easily one of my top five favorite books.  And yet again I was still surprised to find a piece of writing about Jesus that stirred me.

I love this line when talking about Jesus giving sight to the blind, "Perchance blindness is but a dark thought that can be overcome by a burning thought (78)."

I just looked up on the Kahlil Gibran website some info about the book and found these words

"Now I, a Syrian, have lived here in America many years, and I happen to know two or three Occidental languages in which both men and women have written about Jesus. And there came a day when my heart cried out, and I had no longer the patience with those who, for generations, had been distorting the Great Man who had happened to be born by the grace of God in my own country, distorting His noble face, misquoting His speech, and turning His song of joy into a lament."

https://www.kahlilgibran.com/133-why-i-wrote-%E2%80%98jesus-the-son-of-man%E2%80%99-a-little-known-interview-with-gibran.html

Oh I didn't know I could fall more in love with Gibran. 

And I haven't gotten to this quote in the book yet, but it is on Gibran's website and I also love it!

"Once every hundred years Jesus of Nazareth meets Jesus of the Christian in a garden among the hills of Lebanon. And they talk long; and each time Jesus of Nazareth goes away saying to Jesus of the Christian, “My friend, I fear we shall never, never agree”."

Staying Grounded

 #1 - I slept well last night. I seem to be waking up around 2AM a lot the last week plus.  I did last night too, but it was quick and then I was back to sleep.  And then I woke up in time to go sit outside and watch the sunrise without an alarm. #2 - Sitting next to "Beers" lake and watching the sunrise in the almost silence. #3 - Instead of just a "Saturday" hike, I did one both on Thursday and today, each at least 2 1/2 hours. One on the way up and one on the way back to visit my cousin and her newborn baby. #4 - There were multiple lakes in the park where I stayed and most of them seemed to have a trumpeter swan pair.  I sat down with a view of one to eat my lunch and saw a piece of paper in my backpack.  "What's that?" I asked.  It was a Mary Oliver poem, "Swan Book Opening," Perfect.

#5 - As usual I realized in the park how loud my thoughts are when everything around you is quiet.  I also remembered how much our world is simply a reflection of what is inside our heads.  Loud thoughts. Loud world.

What we see outside is a reflection of what is inside.

Which could be depressing but could also be 

a doorway to change.

Time in Nature

#1 - Last year to prepare for my summer in the mountains I started doing Saturday hikes in April and May.  I really enjoyed it and thought, "I should do this anyway next year." Today was my first one, not on Saturday, because I'll be at the rally at the state capitol tomorrow. I went straight after work and wasn't sure how long I'd walk but I picked a big loop I hadn't done before (and because of a 15 minute mistake), almost walked for 3 hours.

Afterwards I sat by a pond and ate my dinner. Most of the walk my mind was full of repetitive pointless thoughts, but when the muskrat (I think) came to the edge of the pond without noticing me, I knew I had quieted.  "Most people never experience this," I thought.  

And then when I was almost home and had a phone call to make I realized it's not just the walk in nature, but also being in a space without access to thinking you should make a phone call or send a message, because it is not an option.

#2 - I was already planning to go to the Hands Off rally tomorrow, but Cory Booker gave me a new level of energy for it. And one of my family members is coming, whom I'm excited to bring to her first protest/rally as #3 well as show her how to use the public transit where she recently moved.

#4 - One of the mothers I work with that has sometimes has been a challenge to get her to participate in the program. When it was time to read a book today, her child that is in the program, ran thru the house to find the older child, who is home on spring break, so she could listen too. The mom read to them both and they were completely engaged and I had the privilege to sit back and do my job - which is nothing when it is done "right".

#5 - The loop I walked today, seemed like a great loop, but I imagine once it's a little warmer, full of mosquitos.  It's good to be reminded every season has its gifts.

Two Words - Cory Booker