Ms. Williamson

"We are the first generation in history from whom, nature needs, fewer babies and more wisdom...

hundreds of thousands of years ago if a woman reached menopause, basically the message of nature is,'You can go now.  We've gotten what we need.'  So I think the old brain in all of us still has this sense, 'I should die now.  There's no longer a physical/biological propagation

that will emanate from me.'  But in fact none of the babies will survive if we do not become fundamentally wiser."  

Marianne Williamson

Shows What I Know

#1 - It is rare to have such a perfect day for outdoor winter activities - warm sun, no wind and plenty of snow that is neither slushy nor icy. I was feeling a bit guilty as I drove to a park rather far away to cross-country ski, but once I got on the trail I was more than happy to have gone somewhere different. It was further from the city and there seemed to be a lot of people (cars) there but once I went farther than the basic trail there was hardly anyone and it was quiet (except for inside my brain which rarely shuts up :).

#2 - I went to a bachelorette party last night. I'm grateful for Tammy-style which involved leaving at 10pm and not drinking anything alcoholic, so it was easy to get up this morning and spend time with my favorite 3 year old.

#3 - He and I went to an indoor playground. For the first time with me he wanted to climb up this tree trunk. I usually follow him around everywhere, but that thing was too small and tight and I started feeling claustrophobic. So when he wanted to go back in I said I'd meet him at the next opening. I guess he changed his mind though and went back up so we were briefly split up. I saw him at the bottom of the play area looking for me and I called his name from where I was perched above him. He did not hear me, but there was a woman sitting near him who saw his confused expression and saw me looking at him and saying his name. She tapped him and pointed up to me, thank you.

#4 - I am writing this from a beautiful library in a part of town I am not familiar with after skiing. I thought I'd check if there was a natural grocery store anywhere around here so I stopped in to look it up. There isn't one on my way, but I am still grateful to have visited this library which conveniently appeared on my path.

#5 - I was thinking recently that I dcn't have much going on volunteer-wise right now. Then I got a call the other day. The group that worked to prevent marriage as being defined as one man, one woman in the MN constitution is now working to gay legalize marriage in MN. I'm not sure MN is ready for it, but I also didn't expect to win the last marriage vote, so shows what I know!

So, I went to make phone calls. There were only 7 or so of us at this suburban church. Most of us were younger, but there were a couple of gray haired, mainstream looking men. It always impresses me to see them making calls on this. Later I overheard one of these men tell the person on the phone that he has been in a committed relationship for 24 years and that they would love to get married in their home state for their 25th anniversary. 25 years. Yeah.

Tax

One weekend last February I thought my life was a bit pathetic as I had nothing better to do than work on my taxes. However, a month or so later I was quite grateful to have my taxes done as I had "better" things to do than my taxes.

#1 - Once again my life feels rather uneventful and I'm working on my taxes because of this. Instead of thinking my life boring, I will remind myself, "Maybe I'm creating space that I will appreciate in the future."

#2 - I also requested an annual credit report. Something I've been meaning to do, but thanks to LACK OF EXCITEMENT, today I made it happen.

#3 - I did go cross-country skiing briefly. I still have a cough and am tired, actually when I got to the park I wanted to take a nap rather than ski. Guess what? I did. I just leaned my seat back, closed my eyes and rested for 15 minutes or so. That is certainly a benefit to being by myself.

#4 - "I miss u and ur fun sense of humor." Alright I am not sure who my friend is talking about, I am one of the most serious people I know. But anyway, I'll take it.

#5 - Seeing my Dad captivated by Al Gore's appearance on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me (the radio show I was listening to.) I didn't know he had an interest in Mr. Gore.

One Thing Leads to Another

#1 - I went to a restorative yoga class (all relaxation no work) last Sunday. It was during the superbowl so there were only four of us in class, and at first I was the only person there so the instructor said, "Tammy do you want to try something fun tonight?"

"Of course."

Anyway, I've seen many photos on calendars/magazines of people doing impressive things in yoga. If I were on one of these, this is the pose I would want, impressive relaxation. It felt awesome. And since I don't have a magazine I will publish it here.

#2 - Hearing a voicemail of my cousin singing Happy Birthday (not to me) and really enjoying it. She has some real entertainment skills, that song usually is a bit grating to me.

#3 - I went to bed last night in sweatpants, a sweatshirt, a hood, my regular blankets and a sleeping bag on because I was coming down with something and just couldn't get warm. At some point in the night I took off the sleeping bag and at a later point no longer needed my hood.

#4 - I also could barely swallow during the night my throat felt so swollen, today it is slightly sore but nothing like it was.

#5 - I spent New Year's Eve in Nashville, TN. It was a trip only planned a few weeks before that. During a quiet evening alone at home I realized that it wasn't that I needed to do something different this New Year's Eve, but rather to besomewhere different. Then I started scrolling through friends I could visit and when I thought of a friend in Nashville I felt a deep feeling of peace. It was a crazy thought, but it felt right. I didn't look up airfare until the next day as I suspected it would deplete the peace I felt, and it did. But I couldn't let it go, so I emailed the friend in the hope she wouldn't even be in town and I could forget about it. However she not only was going to be in town, she didn't have plans and really wanted me to come.

So I bought a ticket and picked up a Nashville guidebook from the library. When I read the post for The Bluebird Cafe I immediately had the impulse to play there. It is inexplicable as I have never felt this before. I asked my friend if she had someone she could borrow a guitar from (using the excuse that I wanted to play her my songs, which was also true) and the next thing I know she had one. The Bluebird Cafe is a "listening room" so people aren't talking and it is only for singer/songwriters. Both of which helped me, plus the fact it seemed easier to do in a strange city where I could leave the whole thing behind. It is a popular place to play so you often don't get a chance the first time my friend warned me as we headed over there. "That's fine, I can at least say I tried." I responded.

So we lined up, but my name in a basket and they started drawing. The MC said they typically get through 35 people a night. So he is reading off the names #1..., #2...., #3..., #18..., #19..., #30...#31 - Tammy..(it's me I'm in.)

The remarkable thing is I wasn't nervous, which I realized after listening to some Eckhart Tolle, was because I wasn't thinking. I was just there listening, enjoying the other performers, occasionally wondering how I would tune the guitar, but then letting the thought go. My friend told me afterwards she took a photo, but I only saw it for the first time this week and I don't even recognize the person there. She looks so natural, like she does this all the time. Which I obviously don't, and in fact may or may not ever do it again, but once agin like #1, I'm grateful for the forum to share this story and for doing things outside your normal realm if/when
it feels right.

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