Kiss Toggle Hug

#1 - “I just want to hurry up and get it over with.” Not a thought that I have much recently so it stood out and made me take notice. I was headed for an annual well-woman visit (or physical as they used to be called) and suddenly I was dreading it.

#2 - When the pelvic exam came around, my relaxation practice/breathing went into full force. I wouldn't say that it "worked" but it at least gave me something to focus on.

#3 - My brother stopped his pain body (this is Eckhart Tolle terminology). He was over and starting to get annoyed and I was starting to wish they weren’t here and then, miracle of miracles - he turned it off. He did not escalate and he was pleasant the rest of the evening. I didn’t even realize it until now, when I sat down to write.

#4 - “Kiss toggle hug?” I kept repeating it back to her, trying to decipher what my niece was saying. Is this a new game? Tuggle? Does she mean tug of war? Finally she walked over and got it. Kiss, Tickle, Cuddle, Hug, currently a favorite book.

#5 – “…Also, in one of the six things you could not do without, you listed "Solitude". I would be interested in hearing more about that if you wouldn't mind.” I don’t respond to men in online dating who don’t mention anything specific about my profile. Many are just shooting off the same email to a bunch of people to see who will bite, and none of their profiles have ever held my interest. This on the other hand, could be the opposite situation. I don't even want to start answering this question tonight because I'm pretty sure I could be writing for a long time :).

Bonus: The following was actually sent to me the day I posted this but I did not read it until the next day. So I guess it will be a Wed gratitude. I'm still including it here -

http://thoughtcatalog.com/abby-rosmarin/2013/12/to-the-women-who-choose-not-to-have-kids/

Follow Your Arrow

I was impressed by this woman when I was in Nashville this time last year and heard "Merry Go 'Round". "Maybe I do like country music?" I thought. I recently heard this. I couldn't name the singer, but I knew it was her.

Pay Attention Here

#1 –I was so glad to be alone at this table. There had been a plan for a first meeting with a guy, but he got a flat tire the other day and this evening was the first slot he could get for a replacement. When he asked about meeting I had suggested this café as I was going to eat there anyway, before a volunteer meeting a mile away. When I walked in I was so glad to not have to change, to not muster interest or enthusiasm or questions, to be able to just rest in myself.

#2 - I was feeling pretty peaceful. I had decided none of my normal exercise options would fit in today and I found a yoga studio near the volunteer meeting to try. Just being in a new space made my senses engaged and when the teacher touched my foot it was soft and gentle and kind. Pay attention here, notice how the outside of your foot meets the floor.

#3 – We also did an Omm at the beginning and end of class which I love and which is extremely rare where I usually do yoga. Walking from there into the café I did not want to muster up false enthusiasm.

It became quite clear to me I didn’t really want to meet this guy. It became quite clear to me that we often know a great deal more than we give ourselves credit for.

#4 – I ordered a cornmeal schneatzel (sp?). I was hesitant because I made a bunch of cornbread yesterday including cornbread croutons for some soup. However, the Brussels sprouts and the butternut squash sounded really good for me. And guess what the Brussels sprouts were awesome.

#5 – The meeting involved a vision for some big changes. I’ve volunteered once a month at a food market for people who have a hard time acquiring enough groceries for the past few years. I’m not sure if/how the new vision for the market will work for me, but I do understand and believe in the vision, so I hope to find a way to adapt myself to it.

For Entertainment Only

I happened to notice today that I had three comments on my last post. Three comments this was a record! I looked and saw they related to my last brief gratitude which I only put on here for entertainment value. It was an initial message on online dating that stated,

"You don't look like an anarchist revolutionary yet...."

This to me is not the beginning of a conversation, it is simply a comment. I neither replied nor even looked at the profile of the person who sent it. I already knew that we were a 10% match, that the photo was some protest photo were they all were wearing masks (which struck me as scary) and I believe the person lived in Washington or something. "How does someone do a search and end up on my profile when I live across the country and am not a match?" I wondered.

Just now I tried to look at the account and it said that person no longer has an account.

Exactly.

Since that peeked interest previously here, I will provide a few more notes of possible interest. The offensive messages I delete completely as I do not want to linger in such energy. So here instead is a sampling of initial messages that are not offensive, but really...

"Hi, my name is Jeff"
48% Match

"I would love to meet you at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts.
Sincerely,
Kevin"
56% Match

(Just want to remind you I have had zero contact with Kevin.)

"Television has a place. I love watching this (he did send a link, I don't want to include it because I'm scared of link from unknown people), and learning about the Artists. Singers. I found it very moving, and I learned something weird from watching it tonight.

I was communing with Fugai Honko at the museum yesterday. Like a Jedi Knight kind of thing :)

Was doing my walking Buddha thing tonight. It is one of the meditation positions of the Theravada.


I liked this one a lot (another link). The Painter, Printer was really beautiful as well. I have my secret Reasons for enjoying this show, but enough of that.

I do like PBS, it must make me some kind of republican in your view. However, did hear/watch Born Yesterday last night, and immensely enjoyed it."
10% match

Then he sent another message (I did not respond to the first). I'm just including the last sentence this time.

"...You could go to the MIA, and Commune with me in this one interesting exhibit. I like it, it's like a meditation center."

(I wonder if this guy and Kevin (above) are actually the same?)

I will end this with an interaction I had right before Halloween. Some guy sent me a fine/normal message, but his profile and photo were blank. I'd already had a previous bad interaction in a similar situation, so I responded but was skeptical. We exchanged a couple more messages, he told me about a Halloween event that sounded cool.

Then wrote -

"I am just trying to get you to go to the Puppet Show."

The fact of the matter is the puppet show was the cool sounding Halloween event, but it was also outside at night, with some stranger. No thank you. I just checked and his account was deleted as well.

Nature Poems

#1 - I heard a Jeni Couzyn poem and wanted more. The library for once wasn't helpful. I ended up finding a journal online that published her and as I looked at the journal I thought, "This may be an appropriate place for my poetry." That was in April. Seven months later, November 1st, I finally got around to that submission. Two and a half weeks later I received a reply saying he enjoyed my poems, would consider them for a future issue and asked if I had any more environmental/nature poems as they are featuring that topic this summer.

Yeah!

Well, I thought I would have tons, in fact I found I did not. I think most of my poems have a line or a reference to nature, but few are actually focused upon nature itself. I guess I need to write more poems. Nice to have a little motivation.

I sent what I compiled to three friends asking for their opinions as to which to send. Today I put together the ones that made the cut and sent them off.

#2 - Actually two of the people I sent poems to were friends. The third person was in the fiction writing class I took a few years ago. I didn't like the class that much (in part because fiction isn't my thing I'm sure). We each had a couple of pieces we'd bring copies of for others to write comments. I remember one guy telling me to take out or add (I forget) a bunch of commas. It was a draft of a piece! Who cares about commas at that point. Anyway, that is how I usually feel about editing. However one woman in the class made some really insightful comments on my piece. She wasn't there the day I shared my second piece, so I went to her the next week and asked if she would read it because I appreciated what she said previously. Thank God for that because it initiated contact between us. I haven't communicated with her for a couple years I'd guess, but I thought of her as someone to look at my poems. I sent her an email and she replied that she would. Once again her comments were incredibly insightful. I can easily see how being an editor is a skill! I'm so grateful to have come across her in that class and her willingness to help!

#3 - As soon as I woke up I started reading Roger Housden's, ten poems to change your life again and again. I dove in yesterday and I'll probably finish by tomorrow. It has made me curious to learn more about Leonard Cohen and I just requested a book of his from the library. All I know is he is a musician and he has a quote I really like -

"There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in."

#4 - "I really appreciate you helping me with my paper, and it's fun Tammy-time." Spoken by my cousin Holly. This was the first distracting thing she said and it was a good distraction at that.

#5 - Just because I can share this here. This is a complete initial message written to me by someone on online dating -

"You don't look like an anarchist revolutionary yet...."