#1 - My uncle is in a hospital far from home in the American waiting game where we save a life to prolong a death.
This upsets me.
Today I listened to a Byron Katie webcast and I transferred one of the things Susan Stiffelman said about her son during her divorce. "My son shouldn't have to go through this." She shifted to, "How do I know what his life journey is?"
I immediately transferred this to my situation and felt the first glimmer of peace.
"My uncle shouldn't have to go through this." That may be true.
Then again. "How do I know what his life journey is?"
#2 - So grateful on this sunny warm day to have a reason (without having to try and motivate myself) to get on my bike and ride over to my friend's for the weekly jog we just started. I could use a friend to talk to, I could use some outside time, I could use some sun, I could use some reflective quiet. I hope to be ready early to stop at a park on the way and just sit, maybe reflect, maybe write.
#3 - The YMCA wants to participate in the Health and Wellness day at the farmer's market this year.
#4 - Sent by my Dad
http://www.wimp.com/message-nature/
Which reminds me of a recent video on Eckhart Tolle's website on the same theme. These videos get rotated often so I'm not sure how long this link will work.
#5 - An email - "It was about 9:45 before I finished my chores when I called hoping to hear your voice before bed. I did hear it albeit on the voice mail recording :)."
I was already asleep.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
The Only Lasting Truth is Change
#1 - Reinvigorated breakfast - My typical winter breakfast is steel cut oats with pecans, walnuts, almonds and raisins. Sometimes I add some apple. Usually I stop eating that around this time of year however the last few days have been chilly. I have some extra strawberries as I bought a bunch to make my favorite rhubarb (which is ready in the garden)/strawberry bars. In addition my Dad bought some scrumptious organic blueberries at Costco. So I made my typical steel cut oat breakfast with the addition of the fresh strawberries and blueberries the past couple days and breakfast has simply been delightful.
#2 - When I was in college I would get stressed when something was assigned, the night before it was due I would be asleep. This is reflective of me in general. I was feeling a bit stressed last Friday about getting ready for camping 6 days later. Most likely the day of camping I'll be relaxed.
Instead of my typical camping alone (which I love), I'll be camping with the sweet man (which I also love). But I don't know him well enough to know if he's a prepare early person or scramble at the end one. This morning I read an email that said,
"Bedding and food is packed." Wow. I haven't packed my part of the food yet (though I've started).
#3 - It also said, "I'm bringing extra blankets (2x wool and 2x fleece) in case it gets really cold or if we want to hang out in the hammocks." I was a bit concerned about how cold it's getting at night so that was reassuring and hammocks too! Nice!
#4 - Then he sent today's video on this beautiful Nature 365 website
http://nature365.tv/
#5 - I wrote all those earlier today. Then my Dad got a phone call that his brother had a stroke last night. He's on life support at the moment. Hopefully this process will not get dragged along.
Today I will add a gratitude to my uncle. I pray he will be allowed to let go as soon as possible. I thank him for the side of my personality that he brought out in a way that no one else ever has. The silly stories I made up for him, the teasing. I thank him for being different and for teaching me about differences and to not be afraid. I thank him for his simple joys - puzzles and pictures, crackers, cheese, cookies, packages. I thank him for his life.
#2 - When I was in college I would get stressed when something was assigned, the night before it was due I would be asleep. This is reflective of me in general. I was feeling a bit stressed last Friday about getting ready for camping 6 days later. Most likely the day of camping I'll be relaxed.
Instead of my typical camping alone (which I love), I'll be camping with the sweet man (which I also love). But I don't know him well enough to know if he's a prepare early person or scramble at the end one. This morning I read an email that said,
"Bedding and food is packed." Wow. I haven't packed my part of the food yet (though I've started).
#3 - It also said, "I'm bringing extra blankets (2x wool and 2x fleece) in case it gets really cold or if we want to hang out in the hammocks." I was a bit concerned about how cold it's getting at night so that was reassuring and hammocks too! Nice!
#4 - Then he sent today's video on this beautiful Nature 365 website
http://nature365.tv/
#5 - I wrote all those earlier today. Then my Dad got a phone call that his brother had a stroke last night. He's on life support at the moment. Hopefully this process will not get dragged along.
Today I will add a gratitude to my uncle. I pray he will be allowed to let go as soon as possible. I thank him for the side of my personality that he brought out in a way that no one else ever has. The silly stories I made up for him, the teasing. I thank him for being different and for teaching me about differences and to not be afraid. I thank him for his simple joys - puzzles and pictures, crackers, cheese, cookies, packages. I thank him for his life.
Monday, May 11, 2015
Space to Find
#1 – I walked in the house and heard the voice of my friend on the answering machine with a twinge of guilt as she wanted to postpone our jog because it was too cold for her. “Great,” I replied, “I bought some plants yesterday that I wanted to try and get in the garden.”
#2 – I was about to head out back and into the garage to work on that when I couldn’t find my keys. I had literally been in the house five minutes. I’d opened the door with those keys. They couldn’t be far. I started getting frustrated, looking in the same spots, retracing my steps. Then I stopped, took a breath and asked for any and all assistance, or another way to put it is that I opened to life. Then I walked into a different room and there they were.
#3 – I was trying to complete a task of prepping a salad for a friend that is coming over tomorrow. I had a bit of the “I need to get this done and get ready for bed,” energy. Then I took a breath and thought, “I’m so grateful that my friend is choosing to come over here on her birthday and I can make this salad for us."
#4 – The rhubarb crisp offered by one of the transportation planners this AM. I almost forgot about the offer until 4pm when I remembered and had a late afternoon treat.
#5 – The hug from my manager at that workplace as I left it for the 5th (?) time. I just joke now as I leave, “See you guys in a few years.”
“You can email us poems,” one replied.
#2 – I was about to head out back and into the garage to work on that when I couldn’t find my keys. I had literally been in the house five minutes. I’d opened the door with those keys. They couldn’t be far. I started getting frustrated, looking in the same spots, retracing my steps. Then I stopped, took a breath and asked for any and all assistance, or another way to put it is that I opened to life. Then I walked into a different room and there they were.
#3 – I was trying to complete a task of prepping a salad for a friend that is coming over tomorrow. I had a bit of the “I need to get this done and get ready for bed,” energy. Then I took a breath and thought, “I’m so grateful that my friend is choosing to come over here on her birthday and I can make this salad for us."
#4 – The rhubarb crisp offered by one of the transportation planners this AM. I almost forgot about the offer until 4pm when I remembered and had a late afternoon treat.
#5 – The hug from my manager at that workplace as I left it for the 5th (?) time. I just joke now as I leave, “See you guys in a few years.”
“You can email us poems,” one replied.
Sunday, May 3, 2015
A Particular Word
#1 – There was a standing ovation at the beginning of the concert I went to tonight. I joined in without hesitation out of a profound and deep respect for Chris Cunningham and John Hermanson. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," I thought as I bowed to the beautiful men on the stage before me.
#2 – Storyhill played The Old Fashioned Way. It’s a new song and it was the third time I’d heard it. I find it captivating, thought provoking and insightful. I'm so grateful that year after year they keep creating nourishing music.
#3 – Thank you to the parking garage attendant who let me go home. I was alone in my car, the ramp was unattended. 6 times the machine told me it couldn’t read my credit card. It was the only card I had with me. There was a least one car behind me, I couldn’t back up. It was 10:45pm.
Then I saw the button for assistance “can take up to 3 minutes”. A voice came on the speaker in less than two. I couldn’t understand them, but I tried to explain. The ramp let me leave.
#4 – A hand rubbing my back as I sat on the curb for the Heart of the Beast Theater’s May Day parade. He, the two kids and I biked there from his place, enjoyed the sights on a beautiful day and then biked home. The last three years it’s been my friend’s child and I. This year he had other plans (his nanna was in town), but I was left in very good company.
#5 – “You’re wonderful.”
“Anything else?”
“Fascinating.”
“There’s a particular word I’m looking for. It’s an adjective, but if I tell you what it is that will ruin it.”
“Passionate.
Brilliant.
Tolerant.”
“It’s fine.” (I gave up.)
“Sexy.”
“That’s it!”
“I didn’t think you’d appreciate hearing that.”
“I can hear I’m brilliant from anybody and it would be fine, but most of the time if someone calls me sexy it’s annoying. It isn’t annoying from you.”
#2 – Storyhill played The Old Fashioned Way. It’s a new song and it was the third time I’d heard it. I find it captivating, thought provoking and insightful. I'm so grateful that year after year they keep creating nourishing music.
#3 – Thank you to the parking garage attendant who let me go home. I was alone in my car, the ramp was unattended. 6 times the machine told me it couldn’t read my credit card. It was the only card I had with me. There was a least one car behind me, I couldn’t back up. It was 10:45pm.
Then I saw the button for assistance “can take up to 3 minutes”. A voice came on the speaker in less than two. I couldn’t understand them, but I tried to explain. The ramp let me leave.
#4 – A hand rubbing my back as I sat on the curb for the Heart of the Beast Theater’s May Day parade. He, the two kids and I biked there from his place, enjoyed the sights on a beautiful day and then biked home. The last three years it’s been my friend’s child and I. This year he had other plans (his nanna was in town), but I was left in very good company.
#5 – “You’re wonderful.”
“Anything else?”
“Fascinating.”
“There’s a particular word I’m looking for. It’s an adjective, but if I tell you what it is that will ruin it.”
“Passionate.
Brilliant.
Tolerant.”
“It’s fine.” (I gave up.)
“Sexy.”
“That’s it!”
“I didn’t think you’d appreciate hearing that.”
“I can hear I’m brilliant from anybody and it would be fine, but most of the time if someone calls me sexy it’s annoying. It isn’t annoying from you.”
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