Big Magic

#1  - I went to a cancer prevention session this AM and they brought up a few things I already intended to talk to the sweet man about.  It was a nudge/reminder to make that happen.

#2 -  I’m vastly enjoying Elizabeth Gilbert’s new book – Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear.  I didn’t want to read it this afternoon though because it’s a book I don’t want to read too fast, it has some points I want to give myself some time to absorb and ponder.

I did want to read today though so I happened to have checked out The Frog Prince – A Fairy Tale for Consenting Adults by Stephen Mitchell.  I’ve read it previously but I can’t remember anything beyond the fact that I enjoyed it.  It’s a short book that can be guzzled down for enjoyment, which is what I’ve done today. (#3) – in the sunshine on the ground in the backyard after I took out the rest of the plants in the garden and raked some leaves.

#4 – There is a some advice that I heard quite a while ago from the Buddhist monk/author/Nobel Peace Prize winner Thich Nhat Hanh that I employed today.  He said if you are angry, say to your anger, “You are safe with me.  I will take good care of you.”  Today I did that with my hurt.  I had enough space inside to tell my hurt, “You are safe with me.  I will take good care of you."

I put Jason Mraz's (well Buika's song) on while I typed this as that takes good care of me too.  I thought about how I was carrying my own weight - not blaming anyone for my hurt, not denying my hurt.  Just seeing it there and saying, "I'll take good care of you."

"At the end of the day, you gotta carry your own.  No matter which path you take when you roam.    You gotta be ok with being alone.  Your body is a temple better make it your home... is where you heart is beating.  You are not the only one who's bleeding.  All you need is the air you're breathing and to just keep on believing, in you, and everything you do, then move aside and let the dream come through..."  - Jason Mraz/Buika

Gilbert was writing about this too - creating/holding/protecting space in your life for inspiration and creativity to come through.  It isn't ours, we just make the space.

Carry Your Own Weight

Still grateful for this man, and for a public that supports him, so encouraging.

Gym? Gymnastics?

#1 - Memorizing a Herman Hesse poem (Libros) in Spanish while I walked at Moose Lake State Park.  It gave me something positive to return my thoughts to when they'd wander to irrelevant places.

#2 - Most of my walk my mind was speaking uselessly.  I was almost done and going to return to the car when I saw a small trail to my right.  I was ready to leave but gave into the instinct to follow it.  It ended up being the most beautiful and peaceful part of my day.

#3 - A the top of the stand of pines were some yellow maple.  There were red leaves too but they were only on the ground.  I slowed down and did some walking meditation and then spontaneously sat for a bit.

#4 - The way the water of Lake Superior meets the sky in the golden light of late afternoon and the end of the fall leaves.

#5 - A mini-adventure in search of a gymnastics open gym.  The first place my cousin and I went didn't seem to have any gymnastics equipment. It was the wrong YMCA so the evening didn't go as planned, but nevertheless we enjoyed spending it together.

Supportive Groups

#1 - Often times I would rather be alone than with a group of people, however there are some exceptions.  Last night I went to a restorative yoga class.  Basically you prop yourself up with a few blankets and lay there.  "I could do this by myself," I thought.  But it's not the same.  Being in a room with other people who are committed to resting is a powerful experience.

Tonight I'm going to a writing and meditation group.  Once again it is pretty simple  - sit in silence for a certain number of minutes, then write for a certain number of minutes.  I could do it by myself,

but it's not the same.

#2 - I have a cold this week and it's nice to have simple nourishing activities - and the flexibility to take an hour long nap in the afternoon - which I just did.

#3 -  The poem I read with my breakfast.  Improvement by Danusha Lameris.

#4 - I checked in with an extended family member about bringing a few extra guests to Thanksgiving.  He responded,  "...Plus we would like to meet him.  I will be on my very best behavior."

#5 - I sent an email about a month ago to a friend from over ten years ago.  I told her I was proud of her, which felt a little weird - I didn't mean it in a condescending way which is how it kind of sounded to me - but it was the best way I could describe how I felt.  I had googled her and found where she worked/what she was up to.

I didn't hear back so I didn't know if the message came off as kind of annoying, until today.  She wrote

Tammy, your message brought me to tears. 

Thank you for always touching my heart.