Earth and Humankind

#1 - I think this will be my last posted Spain photo (Granada) it is my favorite.

#2 - My cousin said she is looking for a more fuel efficient vehicle. When I commented on how great that was she asked for recommendations (#3).

#4 - I got around to making another batch of pesto with all the basil in the garden, something I've intended the past few days.

#5 - A very kind man that used to play on my soccer team has said he's available to come back and sub this week.

Other Seeds Too

"Thank you for teaching me not just how to connect but the importance of being/feeling connected, especially in a vulnerable way. It's such a fragile thing, isn't it?"

I asked if I could share this quote from an email I received today because yes connection is a fragile thing. He said he wasn't just feeling disconnected from me, he was feeling disconnected from himself. How often do people realize they are disconnected from themselves and ask for a pause in a conversation to reestablish that connection? I can't say that I recall this happening to me explicitly before.

It's like a revolution.

It's like a rebirth.

We were having a conversation about something that hurt/upset me and he said he needed a pause, he put my hand on his chest, closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths.

"... I wanted to be there for you and to do that I had to re-center and re-connect. Having your hand on my chest and doing some deep breathing really helped me to get closer to that."

What if we did that - all of us? I know Marshall Rosenberg of non-violent communication mentioned having to take a time-out on occasion - and be there for himself so that he can then reengage and be there for another person.

I didn't realize this post continues the theme of what I was grateful for last week until I sat down to write it.

I'm also grateful that something I began on my trip to Spain (doing 10 minute meditations daily) to absorb my experience, I keep doing. I expect it to end any day now, and maybe that is why it doesn't. Because I don't have a goal. I'm just surprised at how much I WANT to continue with it. Often I sit in the evenings. But today I did right before I started work. It seemed important. So it might seem like these photos are the only bits of Spain still with me. But maybe there are other seeds too.

What is Being Said

#1 - When I hit construction traffic on the highway I knew I was going to be late for my monthly writing and meditation group. I really look forward to this time and missed it last month so I was bummed, yet at the same time I knew it would be ok. We usually start with meditation so maybe I'd miss that, but maybe I could try to be meditative in the car. Usually thinking I'm going to be late leads to a lot of stress in me, today this didn't happen and I was only late by 5 minutes or so.

#2 - I was coming from a talk at a local Zen center. I have little interest in the specifics of Buddhist philosophy, however I did really appreciate the way the speaker answered the last woman's question. Her response was more silence than words, which clearly was very personal to the woman asking it, she only said two sentences. But I felt her response, it was powerful.

#3 - For one of our homework assignments for my writing and meditation group this month we are to write 20 gratitudes.

#4 - Harville Hendrix, an author of relationship self-help books, says that couples will continue to hurt one another, but that they will also become more adept and quicker (with practice) on the repair process. That happened to me last night and today. I'm hopeful that we are becoming more adept at repair.

#5 - While we were having a dinner my partner initiated an "Imago dialogue" which is the communication technique we learned from reading Harville Hendrix's books. We haven't formally used that in quite a while and I was happy he suggested it. Though we'd don't formally go through the whole process that often. We do use pieces of it all the time. For example, asking the other person to repeat back what we just said to make sure we heard it correctly. It's amazing how often people don't hear one another.

"Harville: In the resting state, when we’re not distracted, the research shows we have a 13–18% accuracy rate. If we’re distracted, the distortion rate goes up to almost 100% immediately. The reason this happens is that most of us are running a movie in our minds, projecting reality as we know it or as we fear it, wish it, or remember it.

Our attention is on our own internal process, and unless we turn the switch off and make a focused effort to pay attention, we actually get very little of what’s being said to us."

https://1440.org/blog/the-art-of-listening-an-interview-with-harville-hendrix-and-helen-lakelly-hunt/

More Grounded

First of all - I waited a week to try and turn on my camera again. I just wanted to luxuriate in the fact that it closed. But yesterday I turned it on and it worked just fine.

Second of all my reentry home has been a bit fuller than I expected with an out of town funeral etc. So I was super happy today to have a day without any plans. I still got up early (benefit of different time zone) and did some cleaning, but eventually I was tired and just laid down for a while. My jet lag has been really manageable, but today I finally needed a rest.

Third of all I finished unpacking and going through my mail and bank statement. I was pleasantly surprised that the most expensive place I stayed (that I reserved myself - I was also in a writing group part of my trip where I didn't make the arrangements) turned out to be $55/night. That is what I originally thought, but then for a while I thought it was $70 and I wondered why I picked that location.

I'm about to go pick up Ten Poems for Difficult Times the latest book by Roger Housden from the library. He is the author who led the writing group I was with for part of my trip to Spain. I highly recommend his Ten Poems series. Then I'm going to get some groceries so I can pack a picnic dinner for tomorrow. When I called today a very sweet voice answered and said that not only would the water loving 10 year old like to join me at the beach tomorrow, but the rest of the family may as well.

I walked over to the farmer's market this AM - I work there every other week and I often don't make it over on my off weeks. It was nice to meander there today and also see what was decided about a couple things we debated about last week, such as what to do about the vendor that takes a long time to pack up (and therefore is still in the street when everyone else has left).