#1 - I asked my partner's ten year old to come downstairs with me. She willingly spent an hour going thru old toys and books and picking out 4 grocery bags worth of stuff she no longer wants.
#2 - We then let her older sister look thru it to make sure everything was ok to get rid of. She only took out 5 books. The rest is now at the thrift store, freeing up a big plastic bin in the basement.
#3 - At dinnertime I asked for volunteer assistants, the 10 year old wasn't interested but her sister willingly helped which allowed us to add pumpkin scones along with a new pasta recipe.
#4 - The pasta was made with mango, avocado, lime juice, red onion, basil and roasted cashews. It was quite yummi.
#5 - While meal planning - my niece wanted a jam and bread sandwich for our camping trip next weekend. I said, "No." We looked for a better option and she suggested a hard-boiled egg. I will definitely bring some of those. I was going to suggest cheese and crackers, but I guess she is picky about crackers. Then my partner suggested a tortilla and cheese stick. Perfect! She loves tortillas and cheese sticks. That will work.
Saturday, April 27, 2019
Friday, April 19, 2019
She Persisted
He said it was like boiling a frog, if you turn up the heat slowly it won't jump out. Not the most positive analogy, but I get what he's saying. I've been moving so slowly that last night it caught him by surprise when I said that tomorrow I should more or less be done. Suddenly he it has come upon him quickly, suddenly he's cooked.
In many ways it has been slow. We met in 2015. I remember feeling in 2016 that the upcoming winter, would possibly be the last I spent where I was living, I didn't see myself staying there much longer.
It's been a long road between here and there. We are well beyond the honeymoon phase. Is that how it works for people who date for years before they move in or get married? We've had some pretty big ruts on the road. And soon after I tentatively gave a move in date months ago (for April), my partner was laid off. Yet more bumps along the way.
So it's still bumpy and unsure, and is this the road for us, or are we getting thru the hard stuff first?
Today things felt lighter, there were a bunch of synchronicities this week with a job. It was one a recruiter contacted my partner about. He applied yesterday and today she contacted him to schedule a phone interview for next week. He is really interested in the job and feels positive about it. I'm grateful for the opportunity and his enthusiasm. It doesn't have real good bussing options which is something I was really hoping for to give us transportation flexibility. Though when they expand one of the rapid bus lines near us that may be better. I'm surprised it is such a big corporation that there aren't express buses headed there like they were to his last job.
One of the sychronisticies is that the CEO (she is one of the 5% of female CEO's in Fortune 500 companies) is talking in a forum on public radio on Monday. The tickets are free so we are going to check it out. I wasn't very excited about it at first, I'm not a fan of big corporations, but who knows, maybe this is a chance for me to open my mind/heart. It is pretty remarkable that my partner just heard on the radio yesterday morning that this forum is happening next week. It will be the day before his phone interview, so a great opportunity for him to get a sense of who is heading the company.
A couple other synchronisiticies - my journal always just happens to end at shifting points. I looked at it a couple weeks back and thought it still had quite a bit of space, probably wouldn't be done before I moved. But I have less than a page left.
Also I try to get my haircut at shifting points too. For example, right before I met my partner (2-3 weeks), I decided to get a big haircut and donate my hair (8 or so inches). I had no idea consciously that I was at a turning point then, but something in me clearly knew.
The last haircut I had was last June in Spain. So I've known I could use one for a while. I impulsively found a beauty school near where I'd be today and had it cut this afternoon. And when I was driving back with my last load of stuff (minus a few things like my bike), I ended up behind car with my favorite bumper sticker, one I hadn't seen or thought of in many years
In many ways it has been slow. We met in 2015. I remember feeling in 2016 that the upcoming winter, would possibly be the last I spent where I was living, I didn't see myself staying there much longer.
It's been a long road between here and there. We are well beyond the honeymoon phase. Is that how it works for people who date for years before they move in or get married? We've had some pretty big ruts on the road. And soon after I tentatively gave a move in date months ago (for April), my partner was laid off. Yet more bumps along the way.
So it's still bumpy and unsure, and is this the road for us, or are we getting thru the hard stuff first?
Today things felt lighter, there were a bunch of synchronicities this week with a job. It was one a recruiter contacted my partner about. He applied yesterday and today she contacted him to schedule a phone interview for next week. He is really interested in the job and feels positive about it. I'm grateful for the opportunity and his enthusiasm. It doesn't have real good bussing options which is something I was really hoping for to give us transportation flexibility. Though when they expand one of the rapid bus lines near us that may be better. I'm surprised it is such a big corporation that there aren't express buses headed there like they were to his last job.
One of the sychronisticies is that the CEO (she is one of the 5% of female CEO's in Fortune 500 companies) is talking in a forum on public radio on Monday. The tickets are free so we are going to check it out. I wasn't very excited about it at first, I'm not a fan of big corporations, but who knows, maybe this is a chance for me to open my mind/heart. It is pretty remarkable that my partner just heard on the radio yesterday morning that this forum is happening next week. It will be the day before his phone interview, so a great opportunity for him to get a sense of who is heading the company.
A couple other synchronisiticies - my journal always just happens to end at shifting points. I looked at it a couple weeks back and thought it still had quite a bit of space, probably wouldn't be done before I moved. But I have less than a page left.
Also I try to get my haircut at shifting points too. For example, right before I met my partner (2-3 weeks), I decided to get a big haircut and donate my hair (8 or so inches). I had no idea consciously that I was at a turning point then, but something in me clearly knew.
The last haircut I had was last June in Spain. So I've known I could use one for a while. I impulsively found a beauty school near where I'd be today and had it cut this afternoon. And when I was driving back with my last load of stuff (minus a few things like my bike), I ended up behind car with my favorite bumper sticker, one I hadn't seen or thought of in many years
Remember Who You Wanted to Be
It had a number of others too and one that drew me was
She Persisted
That certainly has been true in my relationship, but even more so thinking back on all these years I've been living with my father. Years that began with me finishing a decade of traveling and moving around and exploring and then landing at home, uncertain what to do with myself. Uncertain for a long time - going thru the motions of life (part of what inspired this blog). Sometimes, for a long time, feeling stuck there. Yet now all I see is goodness, goodness and gifts. Ushering my mom thru death, ushering my niece into life, time for spaces and silence and creativity and not knowing. Precious precious time.
She persisted.
Today I persisted with a quick stop at the library to pick up the Phantom Tollbooth audio. Despite all my planning, looked like it wasn't going to come in at the right time for my camping trip with my niece in a couple weeks. It is SO delightful and I'm so excited to share it with her. I wanted to have both the audio and the book so we can listen to the audio on the drive and read more before bed in the tent. It didn't look like the audio was going to come in on time (waiting list), and I know just reading before bed wouldn't take us far enough to make starting the book worth it. This is one major drawback of not being in a child's life on scheduled/frequent basis, it is challenging to read a book together, one of my favorite things.
Thursday, April 11, 2019
Somebody's Back
#1 I almost cancelled our couples counseling session tonight. I love snow, but I do not love traveling on icy/snowy roads. However, last month I rescheduled our appointment because of a snowstorm and Michael really wanted to keep our appointment today. Luckily I listened to him, because it ended up being fine getting there on the bus. The roads were pretty empty from people staying home in the storm.
#2 - I was super grateful I wore a raincoat over my winter coat, because there was some pelting sleet that would have been painful if I did not have a hood to pull up around my face.
#3 - At the end of our session I told our counselor, "We haven't been here for a couple months and we're doing fine!"
"Your energy is different, it's smooth."
"I'm glad you noticed that," Michael said.
"I definitely noticed," she replied.
#4 - Additionally, someone else I care for in my life saw a new counselor for the second time this week. This counselor is trying some new things - including EMDR - and we are both hopeful she has some new skills to offer.
#5 - Since Dec 2010 - I've done a work exchange at my local yoga studio. Almost ten years! Tomorrow I will clean the studio for the last time. I emailed last week to ask if my free yoga would be ending this weekend or if there was a grace period. They said I could come til the end of the month.
P.S. The "Somebody" that is back is winter.
#2 - I was super grateful I wore a raincoat over my winter coat, because there was some pelting sleet that would have been painful if I did not have a hood to pull up around my face.
#3 - At the end of our session I told our counselor, "We haven't been here for a couple months and we're doing fine!"
"Your energy is different, it's smooth."
"I'm glad you noticed that," Michael said.
"I definitely noticed," she replied.
#4 - Additionally, someone else I care for in my life saw a new counselor for the second time this week. This counselor is trying some new things - including EMDR - and we are both hopeful she has some new skills to offer.
#5 - Since Dec 2010 - I've done a work exchange at my local yoga studio. Almost ten years! Tomorrow I will clean the studio for the last time. I emailed last week to ask if my free yoga would be ending this weekend or if there was a grace period. They said I could come til the end of the month.
P.S. The "Somebody" that is back is winter.
Wednesday, April 3, 2019
Library Monthly Poetry Group
#1 - Lynn read Rilke's "Sometimes a Man Stand Up During Supper" at poetry group tonight and at the end said she didn't get it. The passion that came thru me as I responded to this still has me in awe an hour later. After my response she said, "Well, I guess I need to read that again," and she did. Sometimes things unexpectedly wake up your soul - which is precisely what I see Rainer Maria Rilke's poem being about.
#2 - I shared "No Thank You" by Tony Hoagland. The energy I put into reading it, fed by the energy of the small group listening, made it come even more alive and now has me requesting more books by him.
#3 - There is a girl in the group that waved at me when I walked in. I didn't recognize her. Then I realized who she was, a child that used to come with her mother, who would sometimes share poems she had written. I imagine it had been a year or so since she'd attended and she'd grown up so much! Her smile and enthusiasm were still there. And when the woman next to me read Mary Oliver's "Mockingbird" she exclaimed in delight.
#4 - I walked the 4 miles to poetry today with the plan to leave a little early to bus home. Otherwise the next bus is 40 minutes after poetry ends. However once I got into the group I was so enjoying myself I started thinking maybe I'd stay, but then I decided right before I left, "Yes I'm enjoying myself so much that I am full. I don't need more." And I left and I'm grateful so that I can be home with a little time before bed. And even get to see a beautiful sunset.
#5 - I brought home Paulo Coelho's newest book Hippie. He is the only writer I have an author alert set for at the library. I read all of Coelho's books and always look forward to discovering where he will take me on the next chapter of his journey.
#2 - I shared "No Thank You" by Tony Hoagland. The energy I put into reading it, fed by the energy of the small group listening, made it come even more alive and now has me requesting more books by him.
#3 - There is a girl in the group that waved at me when I walked in. I didn't recognize her. Then I realized who she was, a child that used to come with her mother, who would sometimes share poems she had written. I imagine it had been a year or so since she'd attended and she'd grown up so much! Her smile and enthusiasm were still there. And when the woman next to me read Mary Oliver's "Mockingbird" she exclaimed in delight.
#4 - I walked the 4 miles to poetry today with the plan to leave a little early to bus home. Otherwise the next bus is 40 minutes after poetry ends. However once I got into the group I was so enjoying myself I started thinking maybe I'd stay, but then I decided right before I left, "Yes I'm enjoying myself so much that I am full. I don't need more." And I left and I'm grateful so that I can be home with a little time before bed. And even get to see a beautiful sunset.
#5 - I brought home Paulo Coelho's newest book Hippie. He is the only writer I have an author alert set for at the library. I read all of Coelho's books and always look forward to discovering where he will take me on the next chapter of his journey.
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