Productive Day

I had one of those days where I had energy to organize and clean and bake.  I organized a new spot for the hats and scarves by the front door.  I asked Michael not to say anything until tomorrow  because I was too excited about it today in case he doesn't like it.  I asked him to give it at least a 24 hour chance before commenting.

Then I have this pumpkin cheesecake bar recipe that looks really yummi I want to try sometime.  However it has multiple pricey ingredients and requires a food processor which we don't have.   I debated trying to do it anyway, but then just decided to made a simpler dessert recipe I like with pumpkin/coconut/dates.  That recipe didn't use the entire can of pumpkin and happened to have just enough left over to make some pumpkin cranberry scones.

I'm taking Michael's daughters for a personal shopping session at the thrift store for their Xmas present tomorrow.  We tried this last year and it went really well.  There is a winter weather advisory for tomorrow so I asked the shopper if she wanted to reschedule for later this week, however she is going out of town so we're going to try for tomorrow.  The forecast does at least look better now than earlier today.

And I have a plan on New Years Day to teach my friend's family how to play Catan (board game).  I played once with her kids last month and then they asked for the game for Christmas.  I volunteered to come over and teach my friend, because reading the instructions on that game would be overwhelming, and I enjoy teaching people.  When I taught my cousin Ashley last week she said, "Tammy you are a really good teacher.  You don't give too much information. You wait until it's needed."

And it has been so nice the last month around here.  It was hard to know how much of the stress and tension we felt since I moved in was related to us or related to the lack of job situation.  And we still can't say entirely of course, however, it has felt so much lighter around here this month.

And to that I say AMEN!

I am Certain That We Can

Three of my four cousins are now adults and in relationships and living in different places, so finding a time when we can all be in the same place in the next week or so is challenging.  My brother and his family had a less open schedule then I, so I said whatever worked for them was fine.  I checked my email at 7:15 AM and nothing had transpired for plans, beyond possibly tomorrow, so I left for an early AM cross-country ski. 

My partner's eldest started work at 8.  She can/often takes the bus, however usually her shifts are later.  I volunteered to drop her off on the way and use that to motivate me.  I'm super glad as it was the perfect morning to ski and the temperatures in the next couple days are turning the snow to mush. 

When I got home my brother said we were going today.  I never would have skied if I'd known that as I had groceries etc to do, however we found a plan that worked for both of us.  I don't know exactly when or how many of my cousins will make it.  However I'm grateful for someone else to organize.  I'm happy to have some time in the car with my niece and nephew, I grabbed a few books and a headlamp so I can read to them.  And I'm sure I'll have some time by myself to read too, as I usually get up first.

This did disappoint Michael.  There is a movie (Kumare) we've tried to watch three times this month.  The first we went to a yoga studio to watch it and it didn't work.  Then I checked it out from the library.  We were going to watch it last Saturday but Michael stayed out with his friend later than expected.  Then we were going to watch it tonight, but now I won't be here.  So i just seems we haven't found the right moment yet. 

However I am certain that we can.

Personal Shopper

#1 - I haven't done something fun/alone with my sister-in-law for a long time. Today for a holiday gift I signed us up for a duo personal shopping session at the thrift store (free service).  My sister-in-law had never tried this before (it was the second time for me) and we both really enjoyed it.  The most fun part is trying on things you wouldn't usually pick out for yourself.  Some of which there is a reason you wouldn't, but other things are pleasant surprises.

#2 - Some things you try on and say, "No," or "Maybe," or "Yes."  There were a few dresses that I tried that I liked, and felt comfortable  and decided to get.  However, there was one dress I put on and said, "YES!!!"   When I showed my sister-in-law, she felt the same way about it.

#3 - After we went home my partner and I were going to go to a lighted ski trail (since it was dark).  However my brother and niece wanted to go too, so we went to the trail by their place which does not have lights.  But with the snow and the city light in the backdrop they weren't needed and I actually find it more relaxing withouth.   The snow was perfect, fluffy, it didn't stick and no ice, and the temperature was pleasant and without wind. 

#4 - At first I wasn't sure I wanted my niece to go, because I wanted to ski for a while, not go a little bit and then hear her want to go back because she was bored or tired.  But she kept up no problem.  She has become quite skilled and confident and only took a brief break to have her dad pull her.

#5 - There is some music I want to go to next week.  I asked a few friends.  I got a couple no's and a couple maybes.  I emailed the maybes again earlier this week and was waiting...  One of them responded today that she'd come. 

I haven't done something fun with her for quite a while.  The last time we got together I got the car caught in the ditch after helping at her parents.  I was backing out of the driveway  and I had to call a tow truck.  I was so upset with myself.  Thankfully there was no damage. 

The Sun is Mine

I went to a writing group today and started writing,

"I think what I'm so confused by is how much I have not noticed the changes - how natural they feel and sit within me.  The woman who is here now living with her partner and half the time his 11 & 14 year old daughters.

I want to reach back and find the woman who would find this unfathomably possible..."

It was hard to find that woman though because it seems perfectly normal to me now.  However as I left Roxanne, the instructor, said, "There is so much growth!"  I'm not sure how long ago I started writing with Roxanne - probably 10 years - she's known me a while.  She sees it.

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"What I really want to write is how he got up every day and tried.  And how sometimes my presence was not helpful - it was fearful, it was critical, it was micromanaging, it was controlling."

But he kept getting up and trying.

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A woman was shuffling across the street in front of me and when she got to the big chunk of ice between the street and the sidewalk/curb, she turned to me and asked, "Could you help me?"

It made my day.

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I went to a middle school choir concert tonight and there were two songs I found so beautiful.

The Sun is Mine by Laura Hawley

The Sun is Mine
and the trees are mine
the light breeze is mine...

and
 

Winter Song by Ingrid Michaelson and Sara Bareilles

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I've been writing some gratitudes about my niece this year, and I was wondering if I put them in a card for her if she's old enough to appreciate them.  Then I thought of saving them as a gift when she's a little older.  Then I thought of just starting a little journal with just little notes and gratitudes about her (and another for my nephew) and the thought made me so happy.