One Step - Camper Cabin

My brother sent me a video of our dad reading a story to my 4 hour year old nephew, and the tears came.  I am so grateful my brother took that recording.

I got an email from my dad's best friend from high school, one of the few people in his circle I've informed of the news saying how much he will miss him.  Besides him and people at church, and some family, I've still got a lot more informing to do.  More family and former co-workers and friends.  I haven't been up for it yet, and figured I'd wait til we had a service date scheduled so I didn't have to inform people twice or say, "I don't know yet?" when they started asking me.

I got a card from a neighbor/church member of my dad's whom I know and she volunteered to help in any way she could and I called her almost immediately because I did have something for her to help me with.

I woke up in this little state park camper cabin.  Something I reserved a year ago and luckily was mostly already prepared for when my dad died so I still went.  It was ok, actually a really good place to be.  I was able to take in the sun and the skiing and I read my draft of my dad's memorial service to the trees yesterday afternoon.

My brother sent a few photos from celebrating his birthday and my dad's birthday and my birthday and when I look at them I don't understand.  And I keep reminding myself one step at a time, when people ask me questions or what I'm going to do, one step a time is what I can handle.  Each step in itself is ok and not overwhelming.  Like the step I'm going to take right now is to go to the grocery store.

The Aftermath

I got on Dad's computer, not the internet, so grateful he didn't have a password to get in - unlike mine I realize - a hidden glimpse of closeness into his world that also distracted me/occupied my thoughts.  I found a spreadsheet where he was charting his blood pressure Monday and Tuesday after taking the blood pressure meds - he was only directed to take 1/day but he took 3 Monday, 2 Tuesday and recorded the results. 

I don't know, but the 4 of us went skating for Michael's eldest's activity today and played hockey in the sun and it was fun for a while.

And my brother acknowledged that he was being oppositional without me noticing on the phone.  And when I thanked him - even though he wasn't supposed to - for finding Dad for me, he burst into a sob.  I told him it was a good decision for the kids not to go with to Grandpa's (apparently they had wanted to).

And I'm getting in my head today - tasks less heart.   I need to allow both.  I need to allow.

P.S. The above is part of what I wrote in my journal Saturday, which should have been a blog post day, however the recent unexpected death of my father has led to me typing this up a bit later...I'll date it as if I did it then.

Diagonal Alley

I toured a possible volunteer option today, a place that cares for young children whose parents are in crisis.  I was most touched by the tour when the volunteer coordinator said, "We think parents are brave when they reach out to us."

Amen.

Afterwards I was a bit early for the next thing in my day, and I reminded myself to slow walk around the block, it wasn't really slow, but at least medium slow.  That is a practice I haven't done for a long time and it's a good reminder of something to "fill" spaces of "waiting" with.

This evening something I've wanted to do for a couple years materialized.  I got my soccer team to do an escape/puzzle room together.  Or I guess half of my soccer team.  There are 13 people on my team, 11 were interested.  We picked a day that worked for 9 of us, however 2 ended up being sick.  So  7 of us tried it, of which 3 of them had never done something like that before.  I enjoy introducing people to new things.  I guess the room was based off of Harry Potter - without trademark infringement - Diagonal Alley.   You didn't need to know about Potter but my friend Matt who does, said that made it more fun.

A couple members of my team met for dinner beforehand and invited me.  However we had a good stock of leftovers still from this week, so I was happy with my meal at home.