I'm Not...

It's an intense week here in Minneapolis. I biked by the initial (at that point small) protest on Tuesday before I knew what it was about. As MLK Jr. said, "The moral arc of the universe is long, but it bends toward justice." I can understand why people doubt that bend. There has been an arrest, there is much more to be done, much of which is deep inside all of us. I find it ludicrous when I hear someone profess, "I'm not racist," which to me more likely means, "I'm not aware how racism lives inside me." I am aware of racism in myself, but am more concerned about the ways in which it feels normal.

We have heard distant sirens throughout the night the past couple nights. Even into the light of the morning which seems so strange. People are on edge and after our neighbor parked in an atypical location last night I suggested to Michael, "He might want to park in his garage."

Our garage is shared with the other tenant in the building and Michael did an amazing clean out of our side last weekend. Our neighbor was kind enough to let us use the space to organize, but we still had trash and donation items over there. So I hopped into action moving the remaining garbage and donations back on our side. Even so, it still looks SO MUCH BETTER! I'm not even sure how to express how much I appreciate all the work that Michael did.

Some of the donation stores aren't open yet, but I decided to make a quick trip to one 5 or so miles away. That store had a long line of cars and a sign that said they were open 2 more hours or until capacity, so I ended up at the store by my dad's, which may or may not have been quicker.

I just barely arrived back to log in to an online class from the yoga studio I've been attending near here. I felt rushed so wasn't sure I should even try, but I'm so glad I did. That teacher I've always found especially calming and I especially needed that type of energy.

Then after trying unsuccessfully yesterday and the week prior to get an identification number for my dad's 'estate', I finally tried it using his full middle name instead of a middle initial and it worked!

I thought I was going to have to fax the info instead of apply online, which I didn't know how to do, but as usual for this type of thing, I called my brother and he had a way I could fax from my computer.

One Fell Swoop

I'm writing my gratitudes now today because I don't plan on being on the computer later - so it's a little early for a list of 5, but I'll give it a try.

#1 - I just looked up dealing with wasps/hornets - not sure which as I saw flying in and out of a crack in the eve of my dad's house yesterday. I don't know what to do as I don't see a nest, yet, but who know what is inside that crack. And then I see "Hornets and paper wasps prey on other insects and help keep pest insect populations under control." So it's not like I want to hurt them- however it is a busy part of the house and if anyone ends up doing work on the house will only be more difficult to deal with. So what is my gratitude here? I will consult my brother about this today. He may or may not be helpful but at least I have someone to ask who is participating in all this.

#2 - I just learned that not only did my doctor, who I loved and searched for, retire last year, but the nurse practitioner for "Integrative Services and Therapies combines traditional and complementary care practitioners, working together under the same roof," retired as well. I looked on the website and there are not any other primary physicians listed. So I'm a bit frustrated, however the gratitude here is I am not in a hurry or have any urgent health needs, just bummed.

#3 - I'm about to head into my weekly routine of biking over to my dad's to organize and then hang out with my niece and nephew. I biked home from there yesterday and was thinking I was a bit tired of doing this bike ride, but of course that is my mind, for my body it is great. Last week the time I spent with my niece and nephew was precious, so I suppose it is dangerous to have expectations, but I hope that may be the case again.

#4 - One thing I love love love about this time of year, is that if you want to, you can sleep with the light. If you don't turn on any lights and just let your body slow down with the sun, it is easy to go to bed early and wake up well rested, which is what I did today. And since our bedroom has a North facing window, in the late evening and early morning you may even get some direct light your way. This put me in a good mood to snuggle up to my partner.

#5 - I'm am clearly stalling as far as getting started on my bike ride and working on things over at my dad's. Yesterday when I was over there and overwhelmed it was very helpful to call a friend whose parents died recently. It's amazing how I was still there alone, but didn't feel alone in the same way. And I've packed a lunch so maybe I'll stop en route to eat it, maybe I'll see a hawk, maybe I'll notice how the crabapple trees dropped their petals in a single day - a fell swoop.

Hooded Merganser

I saved a recipe from the co-op newsletter that has looked intriguing to me. It has sat with my recipes for a few months and finally today I made it. It is called pumpkin cheesecake bars, though that is a little misleading as it is vegan. It is also a bit of a splurge as it has a bunch of pricey ingredients (medjool dates, pecans, cashews...). We will try it after dinner.

I bought a couple tomato plants and some wildflowers seeds to plant at my dad's. I don't know if I'll be able to water them enough or if we'll enjoy the fruits. But my niece and nephew really like tomatoes so it is worth a try.

There are two very small ponds near where I live. They are actually water containment created because of flooding issues in the past. They are well done and despite their tiny size full of wildlife. The other day I saw a really interesting bird that I have not identified, and today I think I saw a hooded merganser. It was a duck on a tree branch which surprised me but I just looked it up and it said they often nest there. Sometimes when I've gone out in the morning I stop there and sit for ten minutes. Today I did just that and I noticed the merganser because I heard an unusual sound in the tree above me.

On sad news Michael just said the two bright blue eggs in the nest right by the front door are gone! They were there yesterday! I was becoming friends with that mama robin as she stood watch on the lawn. I was concerned because her nest was so low - in a bush only a couple feet high.

Evidence of Calm

#1 - When this whole virus thing started up food became very stressful in this household - planning meals and grocery shopping.

I usually grocery shop on the weekend, but this week I didn't go until this afternoon, and no one in this household got stressed out about it.

That means anxiety levels have calmed down for the moment.

#2 - Because of the later grocery shopping this week, we were able to ask the girls to each plan a meal they were going to cook (they switch households Sunday night) and add anything they needed for it to the grocery list. They sometimes help or cook a meal, but this is the first time they have formally put on the calendar the day of the week they are cooking with a plan of what they will make.

#3 - There has been a bunch of additional paperwork since my dad's death and the places where I put that were stressing me out. I finally took the time today to make new file folders etc. Things look and feel much better.

#4 - Have I mentioned Andrew Cuomo, governor of NY? I actually enjoy listening to his briefings. It is so refreshing to find an informative leader, who I want to turn into. It's such a reassuring reminder of what could be.

#5 - I had someone come to my dad's house to give a roofing and siding estimate. He actually went on the roof and was concerned to walk in a couple spots, which added to my list of concerns over there. My brother went in my dad's attic last night after I requested it and we aren't roofing experts but at least he didn't see anything awful.