Singing

 My friend Conie was hosting an online Zoom event for her Biracial and Rural - - storytelling and community singing event.

https://www.givemn.org/story/Biracialandrural

My niece is not growing up rural, but she is growing up biracial and so Conie asked me to invite her and my sister-in-law too.  Everyone else on the Zoom were adults.  I figured my 10 year old niece may get bored, but is mature and at minimum would sit thru it.  

Not only did she sit thru it, after her response was, "That was fun."

"What did you like about it?" me.

"I liked the songs."

I did too. I realized as I sat beside her - I've done a wide variety of activities with my niece, but I don't think I've ever done any singing!  It was so fun to sing with her and it made me want to think of ways that we can sing more together.

I also asked her after, if she's experienced a feeling of "being different".  She said, "I'm kind of surprised when people think I only eat sushi everyday. We eat spaghetti too."

"Who thinks that?"

"Two people at school."

 My nephew also participated by putting on various costumes and dancing in the background.  I gave him a time out of the room at one point for being loud and distracting, but overall he kept his shnanagins quiet enough that we could still participate.

I'm glad also that I asked my sister-in-law about her sister before I left. She is going to Japan soon and it will be the first time since her sister died, so though I'm sure she is excited to see her family, I'm sure it will carry a great deal of grief too.  She responded that today was that sister's birthday.

I'm glad I asked.

March March

 #1 - My brother sent me the link to Gaslighting by The Chicks yesterday and I was enthralled with that song and Sleep at Night. I also listened to March March - which was obviously so relevant when it came out, but I totally missed this album last year, but still resonates now. 

The quote that begins the video I saw today 

 "If your voice held no power they wouldn't try to silence you" unknown 

  

 #2 - It's hard to remember now as it is turning cool and rainy (which we need), but I started this AM biking to free outdoor yoga which continues, because we've had such a warm fall.  The sky and trees were beautiful and the lake felt peaceful with all the boats stored away for the winter.

#3 - Today I noticed resentment building in me so I went to Michael to talk it.  I am willing to be the "adult" for his daughter this weekend while both he and his ex are out of town, but the fact that not a single, "thank you," had of yet been uttered was starting to get on my nerves. I realized I was expecting that in the least and annoyed when asked about additional things to take her to this weekend.  So I spoke to Michael about it and he was receptive and apologized.

#4 -It was during this that I realized a bigger issue. It reminded me that we need many more positive comments to balance out negative ones.  And that it is hard to be receptive to negative comments or constructive feedback when we are not receiving positive ones to balance this out.  I just found a Harvard Business Review article that says ideally you have 6 positive to 1 constructive criticism and John Gottman - marriage researcher who says similar 5 to 1!

#5 - Usually Michael's daughters split emptying the dishwasher - one does the top rack and the other the bottom.  The eldest is gone this week, so the youngest asked, "Should I do both?"

"Yes, that would be great."

Random Gratitudes

#1 - I felt faster than usual on my jog today, may or may not have been true. It helps to jog in a different neighborhood, I'm trying to get the sense of different areas for our potential move. My niece ran a 6 1/2 minute mile and I've been wondering if I could jog an 8 minute mile.

#2 - It's sad to hear that now professional women soccer players are talking about sexual misconduct, but I'm glad they are feeling supported.

#3 - I finally was able to do a test order and website walk thru with a guy for work. I've tried tracking him down a few weeks and has not been available when he said he would be twice before.

#4 - I created a separate folder for homes going on sale so they aren't overwhelming my inbox which is going WAY better. I don't know why it took me so long but all those messages would stress me out and now I can just look when I want to. It seems prices may be lowering a little there was a 4 bed (1 in basement), 2 bath, 2 car garage in a pretty good location in our price range today. I drove by it and it looked ok. The majority of home may still be 1 bath or 2 bed or on a busy street...that pop up, but it's still good to see.

(Never mind I looked at that house online today and now it is $100,000 more, not sure if the original price was a mistype or what. #5 - I think I know how I'm voting on everything on the ballot this year except rent control. I'm happy to find my park commissioner voted for the Lake Hiawatha master plan which I am excited about (though the vote failed).

Physics Help

It's probably been a good 10+ years ago now that my cousin was visiting and needed help with her high school Math homework. I briefly looked at it, and thought the mental energy that would be required for me to be able to assist was more than I could muster. So I called a friend of mine, Matt who loves Math and Physics, "Is there any chance you could help today, or tomorrow. We will come to your place or meet your anywhere, anytime...?" He came to us and assisted her and was so kind and positive.

Yesterday Michael's eldest asked him if I could ask Matt to come help her as she'd done poorly on a Physics test that she wanted to retake. Matt had helped her with something once before. I was trying to think if we were asking too much, but upon reflection, the other time he helped her was at least a couple years ago, because it was before Co-Vid. So knowing it had been at least that long, I thought maybe we could offer him dinner so I called him to ask. When he called back he was so generous, and kind of dismissive of the dinner (as in he didn't need it). He said he enjoys it and it will be nice to visit us as well.

So first of all I'm obviously grateful for that.

Second of all I'm grateful for his type of friendship. We are friends because after college 5 of us (including him) lived in a house together for a year as full-time volunteers.

And that may have been more or less the end of that, but it's really the small activity of soccer that keeps us in each other's lives. For the past 8 or so years we've played on the same recreational team. Those weekly interactions are pretty small and superficial. We don't "hang" out or see each other otherwise. However, he is more than willing to help when a person in my life is having difficulty with Physics. I am grateful for friendships that come in various shapes and sizes. And I'm grateful that someone in my life thinks the one class I hated enough to drop in high school is "fun".

Then I'll add a gratitude that I heard Michael today start to make some sort of comment while making lunch that may have leaned towards critical to me, but catch himself and redirect his comment to be positive.

Finally, I am experiencing some unpleasant gas today and I am grateful to be working in our dining room alone, with the windows open.