April Showers

 #1 -  I ran out of time to finish making a squash and potato enchilada dish for dinner yesterday before I needed to leave.  So I finished it this AM which made for a much more fulfilling lunch than I usually have on the weekend.

#2- I've been doing a new student special at the hot yoga studio near me the last couple weeks.  I had it in the back of my mind to try sometime in Nov/Dec when I need that type of thing, but with the pandemic etc it never happened, but I ended up using it right when I needed it most and today was my last day.

#3 - Today was a longer class 75 minutes and I felt strong, they do a lot of chaturangas and I didn't modify that many this AM.

#4 -Apparently the woman leading today is the owner of the studio.  I wasn't really resonating with her vibe before and at the beginning of class.  

She started talking about the 4 minute mile and how it was a limit to runners for a long time, but then someone broke thru it and suddenly all these other people did too.  So she asked us in class to try something we might think we can't do (and that could be to rest in child's pose if we think, "I can't rest").  She continued with this theme of limiting playfullness in herself with a job and husband and child, but then realizing she could still play in crow's pose... And then later talked about having an ex-husband and leaving that job, and people telling her studio fitness was over with the pandemic (they've been open 5 years so were still fairly new in 2020) and that studio owners who believed that are now closed.

Anyway, I started appreciating her perspective.

#5 - I've said it before, but I'll say it again, I love that it's been a cold and rainy April.  Today another rainy day, we could hear it fall from within the studio.  It is a weather forecast designed specifically for me this year and I appreciate it.

The Reponse

#1 - Music has been such a balm to me recently, I have awoken multiple times to a song in my head.  Yesterday AM it was a Mike Posner song.  This led me to discovering he had a new song, "Home."  Today I listened to his interview on 

Mike Posner on Walking America, Summiting Everest & Writing Hit Music | Rich Roll Podcast

I listened to his interview with Rich Roll a couple years ago before he walked across America and enjoyed it. So now I got to hear the after the walk and summiting Everest. The thing I enjoy about listening to Posner is you can hear the growth. Live Before I Die, Be Who You Are, Move On, A Pill in Ibiza.  It makes me want to have a dance party - and for that impulse in itself I'm grateful (#2).

#3 - I've recently started taking some yoga classes in person for the first time since Co-Vid. I used to occasionally go to an early morning class, but it's been a long time when I got out of the house that early.  I've been thinking about it though, and today I did leave the house at 5:45AM and made it to a 6AM class.

#4 - I've had a cough the past number of days and today I decided I should probably make sure it isn't Co-Vid.  I took a home test and it came back negative.

#5 - I had a session with a therapist today and when I asked about what there is to work on - defensiveness/anger etc, her perspective was that the work was in the response to those things.

 

Shifting Conditions

#1- I was awake a bit before 4AM and I heard a few gunshots which I called in to the police.  When I laid back down I felt how lucky I was to still feel safe and warm. I listened to the quiet that followed as the furnace cycled on and we have the fuel and the money to run it.

#2 - There is a cold blustery wind out today. I can hear it blowing powerfully, and once again, it makes me feel grateful to have a warm space inside.  I also enjoyed watching the snowflakes and leaves blow around for the same reason, intermingled with a bit of sun.  It has been shifting all day - from one moment to the next, blowing snow, breaks of sun, it keeps you guessing.  And also is maybe like I feel inside.

#3 - I was kind of looking forward to braving the weather to watch a first la crosse game of the season tonight, knowing I had a warm home to return to, but it was cancelled because of the wind advisory, so I guess I can do that tomorrow if I'd like.

#4 - I know one of my areas of growth is defensiveness, and I don't feel defensive about being sent articles to improve in that area. :)

#5 - Being able to type this while someone else is preparing dinner - tonight lasagna. 

Sean McConnell "Price Of Love" (Official Music Video)

#1 -Outside perspective - sometimes it is so difficult to see ourselves clearly or to doubt ourselves.  It's interesting because I was talking to my brother and sister-in-law about this last week and saying how helpful it can be to have a neutral outside perspective, but then I realized something, you have to be open to hearing that perspective.  In my brother's case he is not open to it, so of course then getting that perspective in the form of a therapist would be a waste of money.

This just makes me wonder - are women more open to hearing outside perspectives than men?  Then I remember the one instance I can recall going to a therapist as a family when I was a child and my dad saying something like, "Jill do you hear anything he is saying?" 

And I can think of other women in my family who also would not be open to it.

But in the end I think of the bravery required to do this.  It is a brave act to expose your faults and struggles to another for guidance. 

#2 - I'm about to go to the airport to pick up my aunt whom I've only seen 1 time the last 2 years because of Co-Vid and her lack of vaccination.  I don't know if it is a good idea for her to visit, but we have a drop in cases right now so I suggested it knowing these low cases may not last.

#3 - Library poetry group is still online so we can do that as a Co-Vid safe activity together tonight.

#4 - My sister-in-law and brother have made some progress in her plans to spend time in Japan.  Hopefully she can find a way to meet the majority of her objectives for the trip and feel his support, because it is a big undertaking.

#5 - My current screen backdrop a friend sent me yesterday, it is taken just before the pandemic when I had some friends over and was telling them each something I was grateful for about them. Sometimes we need a reminder of who we are/can be and that image of myself is reassuring.

Also I heard this song for the first time this week and it is too a gift.