New Blinds

The blinds in the bedroom in my place let too much of the parking lot lights in.  I started out sleeping in the smaller bedroom and picked up some curtains at the thrift store that took care of that.  Once I painted the primary bedroom and moved in there, I've been hanging a blanket over the window each night.  Last weekend I finally went to the local home hardware store and looked at their blinds.  We looked at what they keep in stock and they only had light filtering blinds that would work on my window, so he said I'd have to custom order.  He said the custom blinds were on sale.

I wasn't ready to buy that day but I looked it up and they are on sale until next week.  I know what I want - white black out blinds that go top down and bottom up.  However I have no idea what brand I want and I just got overwhelmed looking online.

Someone just helped me at the store and reaffirmed I have absolutely ZERO desire to ever design my own home.  I just found one blind overwhelming.  Do I want corded or uncorded?  If I get uncorded (more expensive) can I even reach the top of the window to lower them?  (I didn't think about that or take that measurement and since it was cheaper I stuck with corded.)  I can't imagine the things I wouldn't think about for an entire home.

And it was still a LOT more money than my thrift store curtains, so I'm glad I'm just covering 1 window.

Hopefully I didn't mess anything up because it is "custom" so can't be returned. Anyway, I'm always skeptical for "sales" being a reason to buy something, but in this case I've meant to do so for a while so the timing seems fortunate.

And I was thinking about the furnishings of my two rooms.

Spare Room 

Bed - free off Craiglist

Mattress - old from my dad's

Desk - thrift store

Small Table for Plant - found by the trash

Shelves/Cabinet - former partner didn't want

Curtains - thrift store 

Lamp - thrift store

Main Room

Bed - brand new

Mattress - brand new

Dresser - quality dresser that my grandparents had

Blinds - soon to be brand new

Nightstand  - thrift store

I think it's a good mix.

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"If I have learned, that anger, is allowed within an attachment, back from my earliest years, then I in Self can be in relationship with my angry part.  If I learned, yeah, umph um, threat threat, danger danger...but there was no differentiation between angry behavior and angry feelings, so I had to keep the feeling away because it is what led to the behavior in my mind and I never learned skills, so get out with the anger. Well now when I'm angry..."

The Most Radical Way to Heal: Internal Family Systems with Dr. Becky KennedyWe Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle

Do You Think You Protect Us? Emily Haavik cont

#1 -  I just started listening to the song I posted yesterday while I write this.  This is not a good idea if I want to calm down. 

 Last night, this morning, now, I can't stop listening.  Something in me that didn't know was parched is feeling the first drops of rain.

Emily Haavik and the 35's Ease Back is a good one too.

#2 - How long does it take?  I've been wondering this even though I know there is no answer. 

I remember when the assault on the capitol happened nearly a year after my dad died, how much I wanted to talk to him about it.  I knew he'd be watching it on the news.  I knew he would have some choice words. I missed him and his perspective.

It's been almost three years now and I don't think that anymore. I didn't wonder what he he'd think when Russia invaded Ukraine.

But today I drove to a house that I didn't realize was so close to where he lived and where I grew up

and I started to cry.

#3 - Doors close, Doors open, Doors close again.  What is good - the open door?  The closed door?  The darkness?  The light?

I've watched this in my life many times this year. Today another door appeared to close or did it open?  I'm not sure yet. I actually kind of hope it closed.  Unless...

I just keep walking.  Like the women in the video I posted yesterday.

#4 - For example, when I moved in I wanted to go to the board meeting and was disappointed they still do it on Zoom audio (post covid).  I thought it would be a good way to meet some people that live here and puts names to faces. Instead I listened to the board meeting online and worked on my painting.

This is the 3rd month I've done that, a little painting, a little cleaning.  The meetings are actually not something I'd want to sit thru, but it is a great motivating background for me to just get tasks done.

#5 - I got an email today from the outdoor club I belong to and in the photos I saw that someone I love just went on a cross-country ski weekend.  I'm jealous because they went to the UP of Michigan which is somewhere I have really wanted to go,

and I'm glad that he went and is doing something that he loves.

Do You Think You Protect Me? (Official Video)

I heard this song a few days ago on Radio Heartland MPR's HD2 station.  I ran to the station to try and get the artist and title, but it wasn't working.

It just played again, I thought of saving it for my weekly post tomorrow, but I can't wait, it deserves its own.

And she's local!

Lilly

I thought this looked pretty.  Corn cakes, kiwi, yogurt.  (I put maple syrup on the next one). 

During lunch time today I went cross-country skiing, and my reflection on missing my skiing companion was distracted as I went by an elementary school.  Kids were out at recess and some of them called out to me as I skied by.

It reminded me of my 2nd year after college when I worked at an elementary school and was in charge of recess.

Other teachers were supposed to take shifts out there with me.  Sometimes they did, however other times I was out there alone with 100 kids, no playground equipment, and a blowhorn.  It amazes me with really nothing to do besides run and pick on each other, that it went as well as it did.

 

 

 

The snow has been so beautiful this year, sticking on trees for days, making winter wonderlands with warm (for winter) weather making it easy to be outside. 

I'm not sure how anyone is going to live with me after this.  I already had zilch patience for TV background noise, now though I'm descending even deeper into quiet.

 

 

I've been reading a lot recently.  A friend mentioned that she wanted to read all of Oprah's book club list and I thought that would be a good place to go.  I just stopped typing this to take a reading break.  Currently Say You're One of Them by Uwem Akpan.

 Oh and my friend gave me a Peace Lilly when my mom was dieing of cancer in 2007.  I recently did a very poor job of transplanting it and I thought I killed it.  It has been very depressing to look at.  This is even more so because I was given a peace lilly when my dad died too.  I ended up throwing it out not too long after because it got infested with bugs and I didn't want that to spread to the other plants.  Like this one which I've had 15 plus years.

I do think I killed a good chunk of it, but today it looked like a section of it perked up and might survive.

Soaking My Yoga Mat

 

 

#1 - I consulted a friend with color talents about the 1 room I haven't painted here yet. (It's the second bedroom where I also have my computer etc.)  I wasn't planning to paint it, but I've enjoyed the results so much with the other rooms I'm tempted.  I asked her opinion and picked up the color chips today.  However, they aren't that different than what is here so I wasn't excited about them.  

Then I thought, maybe the room I'm not sure about (kitchen/dining room) because I like the color I used, I just don't think it's quite right with the black cabinets and grey, brown, backsplash.  Maybe I could use that "Cornflower" color in this guest room/where I work, and do something else with the kitchen because I don't want to give up that color.  I started getting excited about this and called my friend and she agreed it would work. 

 #2 - I'm soaking my yoga mat in the bathtub right now.  I washed my mat at a commercial laundromat once.  I've had that mat over 10 years and it grosses me out to think about how much I'm sure it needs cleaning.

 

#3 - My friend and I have been playing in a Monday night pickleball league.  It has been really fun.  We don't have a game tonight because of the holiday so I can attend another friend's Monday night online singing group.

 

#4 - Life often feels like one step forward, two steps back.  Sometimes it is one step back and two steps forward.  Sometimes you don't know which direction you are stepping.  Other times your head doesn't know but your body can feel the peace.

I had a conversation like that today in my personal life

and I just got a work phone call from someone really upset.  The call should not have been directed to me, but I helped him as best as I could, directed him to the correct phone number, and he was calmer when we finished talking than when we started.

#5 - My aunt recommended Oliver Twist over Thanksgiving.  I've really enjoyed some books published in a previous era like Pride and Prejudice, but it can be really hard for me to get started on reading them, it takes some effort.

 I requested Oliver Twist from the library, but when my aunt asked me a week ago if I'd read it I said, "No." 

Between her reminder and the holiday weekend, I did start it and I'm enjoying it quite a bit, so much so that I look forward each day to times when I can read it more.  The beginning was so dark, and least there are some pleasant people in the story now and it feels more hopeful.