Five Little Things

 #1 - A couple songs I heard while driving today and appreciated in that moment - Take it All Back by Jonah and the Lions and Eyes Closed by Ed Sheeran.  (Apparently the first song is 6 years old, but I hadn't heard it.) 

#2 - A pest control person came to my building today to look for bedbugs and thinks we overacted.  I'm not certain he is right, but I'm certainly grateful for his perspective and hope he is.

#3 - My childhood home was not a safe place to save hurt feelings, so I bottled them inside.  I'm learning, slowly to share those feelings and to ask for them to be heard without blame or anyone being wrong. 

#4 - I was given advice to add something that was missing in an apology I made to a friend, and I did.

#5 - It's the last day of March, we are having a snowstorm and I'm excited about it.  I have loved this winter.  So it can keep me inside tomorrow to hopefully finish painting the last room in my place, and it will all melt (besides the big piles still here) on Sunday.

Be Careful What you Wish For

  That is my first thought today, because I walked out of my condo today on my way to work and the Ukrainian refugee that lives upstairs said to me, "I need help."

And I don't think her story is mine to tell, however she does need help and it is very stressful and I can not imagine the weight of all the responsibility she has to carry and the things she has to figure out on her own.

I am grateful she shared with me though I feel the stress and weight too on my shoulders.

And I am grateful thru our conversation to find out she didn't know about the Ukrainian American Community Center.  Although I am so angry, that I didn't tell her about it before.  I still can't believe with the other people that I heard her speaking the same language to that she didn't know about it!  I just assumed she was connected to it and that is how she knew other people who spoke her language.  Now I am just so confused.  Her landlord speaks Ukrainian and she was sponsored to come here so how could the sponsor not know about this?  I am so frustrated and confused and regret not sharing this resource my brother suggested to me earlier!

So her current problem is actually a problem that could be mine too, so helping her literally is in my best interest.

I am grateful that I walked out the front door when she needed help, literally like I was when her car got stuck in the snow.  (I much preferred the shoveling type help though).

I am grateful to have friends to call and vent to.

And that earlier today when I wanted to call my former partner about this (because I still want to turn to him for support).  I called my cousin and ended up supporting her on a hard day too.

Life is hard sometimes.

As Glennon Doyle says

"We Can Do Hard Things"

Snow Pants

 I received a completely unexpected package in the mail yesterday from a friend in a different state.  I was so curious.  Inside was a blanket she had made which she said was a hug. Yesterday I didn't really need the hug.  But this evening while listening to the radio in the car I started to cry, and when I got home I really wanted to walk in to a good hug.

That is my #1 miss.

There was no hug, however there was at least a message on my voicemail.  My favorite 13 year old had called me back.  I was playing the game he showed me earlier "Contexto Game" where you have to figure out a word based on the context it is used. I had made it down to #2, but I still could NOT figure out the word (which is #1). I called him back, his voice gets so much older each time I hear him and he distracted me from my longing for a hug.

And though I'm reminded of it now, I just went and got the blanket to wrap around me and it has a nice soft weightyness to it.

Also I finally found a pair of snowpants.  I discovered both my pair were gone when I first looked for them in Dec, and then realized they were some of what was stolen from my storage space before I moved in here.  I looked at a couple stores previously, but was hoping more for an end of season sale/not interested in spending $100+.  Today a different store did have an end of season 50% off, a locally owned store no less, and I think more or less the same basic snowpants I had before and which worked great.

Sometimes I love the quiet energy of living alone.  Sometimes, mostly at dinner time, I want someone to talk to.  So I'm happy to report that, if wintry conditions don't alter plans, I'm having my "new" friend over for dinner tomorrow, and an old friend I haven't seen in over a year over Friday.

Edie Carey - Rise (Official Lyric Video)

I may have put this song as a gratitude before, but I've been listening to another song of hers "The Chain" a lot recently and then I was reminded of this one. 

 I prefer to have more than one reason to drive places and I had an errand tonight I was trying to add to so I emailed a friend nearby to ask if I could stop by. She said yes and then I realized the fitness center I belong to has one other location right by her place, so maybe instead of going to the class I planned to by me I could try one by her?

 That place has more variety in classes and there just happens to be a particular class "Pound" that I've wanted to try that is this evening. So now I have three reasons to drive - the errand, the fitness class and a visit with a friend.

 Also this friend is a likely person to be interested in the music of Edie Carey, who is coming to town in a couple months and I was wondering who might go with me.  So I sent her a song and will talk to her about it tonight.