Do What You Can, Then Let Go

In preparation for my upcoming surgery I visited a Naturopathic doctor and read from a favorite reference book, Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom - Creating Physical and Emotional Health and Healing by Christiane Northrup, M.D.. Between the two I have a surgical protocol. The one given by the Naturopath states - "Individuals who follow this program typically heal much faster than normal, with less pain and swelling and fewer complications." Today I began to lay out that protocol for myself.

But I realized I'm probably going to need a calendar or something, because this is still too confusing. I'm not sure the best way to lay this out, some things need to be taken more than once a day, some on an empty stomach. I'm sure that I will figure it out (#1), and I'm sure I have the time (#2). I just realized I need to add stool softener to this chart, which my friends have assured me I will need, one of which, sent some information to me on that today (#3). Do what I can. Then let go.

On a similar note - there has been this men's conference in my mind for over a year that I think the guy I'm dating would really enjoy. However it is a substantial investment of time and money. A few months ago I saw that they also have a winter's weekend which is shorter and more affordable. Recently, said man has gotten into the book it is based on by Robert Bly (Iron John) as well as enjoyed many recordings from previous conferences.

Yesterday I emailed two men I greatly admire (who've attended this conference) telling them the situation and asking if they anything to nudge him toward checking it out. One of them replied with his phone # and told me "Have him call me."(#4)

This is how I feel about #4

"When a great moment knocks on your life, its sound is often no louder than the beating of your heart and it is very easy to miss it."

Letters between Boris Pasternak and Olga Ivinskaya

#5 - So I get to pass on the knock, and then practice

letting go...

Confirmation

Last month a friend came with me to a doctor visit that would involve some decision making. I appreciated the moral support, but more importantly, I appreciated the second set of ears. When it is your own health it is hard to both take in and retain information. This came in handy again tonight when talking about my upcoming surgery, the guy I’m dating and I had different impressions. I called my friend and said, “I don’t want to influence your response, based on your recollection how do you recall…”

And she confirmed what I’d thought.

I’m glad I brought up the topic because of the misperception between my boyfriend and I. He didn’t do anything wrong so at first I didn’t want to be upset. But later I realized it was fine to be upset, I was upset. I just didn’t want to be upset with him, because it is not ultimately about him, but me.

I picked up some probiotics to start taking soon since I will be on antibiotics. The woman at the store was super friendly and when I told her about my surgery she said something like, “People feel great after that!” Ok, haven’t heard that before but sounds good to me.

On a topic change, I spent much of the day outside with my brother’s family, the guy I’m dating and his kids (the latter three all dressed in plaid flannel shirts which I guess is back in fashion). It was a beautiful warm fall day and it is remarkable how easily and well we all get along together. My brother and my boyfriend went off to explore a gazebo a bit down the Minnesota river from our picnic. I got a bit impatient because we were going somewhere after that and my sister-in-law had a dance performance to go to so I wanted to get going. However, I knew then, and I am reinstating now, what a great “problem” it is to have that your brother and the guy you are dating relaxing together.

FB4K

#1 - Since it was the last day of the farmer's market today we were all scheduled to be there. Last week the head of the board said that probably wasn't necessary. I emailed her early in the week saying I was happy to be there the whole time but there was also a volunteer event I wanted to do that afternoon so if it worked to leave early that would be great. She said that was fine. I asked to leave at 11:45AM but they ended up asking me about 11, "Weren't you going to leave?" So I did leave at 11:15 and I'm grateful for that because 11:45 would not have been enough time.

#2 - Because of the time crunch, I'm grateful the guy I'm dating was driving to the volunteer event so I had time to eat my lunch in the car.

#3 - "Free Bikes 4 Kidz is a nonprofit organization geared toward helping all kids ride into a happier, healthier childhood by providing bikes to those most in need." Today was the day when they moved all the donated bikes to the warehouse where they get cleaned and repaired. It sounded like an ideal volunteer event to me - something active and tangible. So that is where the sweet man and I spent the afternoon. He said he got a work out too.

#4 - I've been meaning to buy new running shoes for over 6 months. Literally one day I was headed to the store and then I thought, "It's a beautiful day, I'd rather go for a walk around the lake." I can almost always find something I'd rather do than go shopping. Today, because the bikes were being moved into some extra space at the Mall of America, it was convenient to go to a shoe store afterwards and I finally got new shoes. My brother should be happy as he was clearly annoyed by the holes in my old ones yesterday.

#5 - The guy I'm dating listened to the Eckhart Tolle pain body explanation (CD) that I left in his car and said he might listen to it again - in case he missed anything.

Allowance - Book Fair

#1 –My teeth felt especially gross last night and I was really looking forward to brushing them. However when I looked in my bag, I’d packed two tubes of toothpaste but zero toothbrushes. How did that happen? I did at least have dental floss, but it was especially satisfying tonight to have a toothbrush again.

#2 – The forecast the past few days has been nearly ideal and I’ve so blessed to have lots of time outdoors during it. Today that included a leisurely walk along a creek with leaves just beginning to turn after dropping my friend’s child off at pre-school.

#3 – This is the third time I’ve watched my friend’s children while they were away. I love it and at the same time it is exhausting (and this time was only 28 hours). Besides dishes, I do little house work and the food is prepped for us beforehand. I seriously both respect and have zero desire to be a single parent. Yet it’s also fun to slip into someone else’s life briefly – to get a rare snapshot – and to have the children accept you without a blink.

#4 – “My friend is going to vote for Donald Trump.” The 7 year old told me at dinner with alarm in his voice about his neighbor/friend. He then explained his friend wasn’t old enough to actually vote.

“Do you know why he likes Trump?” I asked neutrally.

“I don’t think he wants a girl to be president,” he said, “isn’t that _____?” (I’m not sure the adjective he used here – something like – silly, crazy or dumb.)

#5 – Taking the 7 year old with the money he saved from his allowance to his school book fair. He bought one Captain Underpants book and one journal that could lock. I thought he might be mistaking the journal for a book with a story so I clarified with him a couple times that it was just blank pages inside (the cover looked exciting). He said he understood and that was what he wanted.

Sure enough, we came home and he started writing his “secret” things immediately. This is from a child whom I recall his pre-school teacher telling his mother to MAKE him write his name daily because he wasn’t good at it (and hated writing). She didn’t want to force him to write and I agreed it was ridiculous – and look at him now.

Backtrack - Franz Jevne

In my quest to slowly visit all the state parks in Minnesota, last week I went to the smallest - Franz Jevne. I missed my post, but here is a little bit of the simple beauty. The trees on the other side of the Rainy River are in Canada.

Brenda McMorrow

#1 -




#2 - Listening to another musician I like led me to this one which then to Tina Turner singing a Peace Mantra. Tina Turner singing a Peace Mantra? Wow - that has got to be a good sign.




#3 - It used to be that if I stayed up late a night or two, and then tried to go to bed "on time" I wouldn't be able to fall asleep. It was so frustrating because I would be overtired. In college it would happen every Sunday night. It seems my sleeping habits might be getting a little more flexible as I age. In general I fall asleep faster and last night I went to bed a good hour and a half "early" despite staying up an hour and a half "late" the night before, and I woke up before my alarm well rested.



#4 - I started my community ed exercise class again. I saw one of the participants at the farmer's market last week so I was forewarned we would have a new instructor. I just hoped it would be someone that wouldn't make things too easy. Today's class was a bit hectic. People are used to the old teacher's style so there was some confusion, but the new instructor was punctual and well organized.



#5 - I decided that I may introduce a new feature into my weekly soccer email. Along with our game time I may include a quote of the week. Today's quote was already favorably received by one of my team members.

"Pain is a traveling professor, and it just goes and knocks on everyone's door and the smartest people I know are the people who say, 'Come in and just don't leave until you've taught me what I need to know.'"

Glennon Doyle Melton

Oxygen

The universe is so big
but it comes down to
one breath
the tiny amount of air
the tiny amount of oxygen
required for your life to continue
to expand and contract

7-8 liters of air per minute
20% oxygen

the vastness of space
inconsequential
the vastness of breath
needed here
again
and again
and again






#2 - As "captain" of my soccer team, I sign up the team and pay for everybody and then they each pay me. Last session - as best I can ascertain - the last check ended up in the wash with my soccer bag. I emailed the guy today and asked if he'd add that money on to his check for next session.

He replied that he would be happy to.

#3 - An email that began

"Good morning love"

It's been a while since I've had one with such a salutation

#4 - A note from my friend's mom

"The flower that Laura brought home, I had been pulling it up thinking it was a weed. And believe me, it does have roots that go way down. I will be leaving that wild flower alone now."

#5 - I fell asleep by 8:45pm last night because I was tired and I did not turn on any lights or pull myself through to a second wind.

I just went to bed.

Why is such a simple thing

such an immense luxury?