Massive Powers of Organization

 #1 - Someone I love, and live with, found out he has his third interview at a job he is really interested in tomorrow.  His second interview was just yesterday.  I'm glad they scheduled him so fast so he doesn't have a lot of time to be nervous about it.

We both are a bit wary about getting hopes up and excited.  It is so disappointing when he isn't chosen.  It is really a challenge in life to be fully invested yet unattached to the results.  #2 - That said, we are both enthusiastic about what the company does as well as the commute. 

#3 - After college I spent a couple years as a full-time volunteer (well that is what they called us, but we got a stipend which when pooled together with 4 other volunteers covered food, rent etc.)  My second year was the most loving living experience I'd had up to that point in my life.  I felt so safe and cared for in that home that I shared with Peter, Paul, Matt and Emily.

The five of us haven't all been in the same place for at least 12 years, and in that case it was one of our weddings, so we didn't get to all really hang out together. I have just received confirmation that the one who lives the furthest away has bought plane tickets and will be coming.

#4 - When she asked earlier this year if the rest of us were getting together this fall (as we have a couple times since 4 of us live in the same state).  I said, "If someone organizes it," which really meant, "if I organize it."  So it was nice that Emily wrote in her email, "Tammy has used her massive powers of organization..." and then also followed that with doing some organizing herself.

#5 - My partner's youngest goes to summer camp next week and was telling me about it (she has gone previously).  She said, "Do you want to know how they decide which cabin goes in the dining hall first?"

"Whoever is all there first?"

"Nope, each cabin of girls picks a song that everyone in the cabin knows and whichever cabin sings the loudest eats first."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"How do they decide which cabins of boys goes in first?"

"Whichever cabin is the most quiet."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"That is awesome."






P.S.  I listened to this yesterday, but I'll share it because this interview nourished me immensely - Elizabeth just keeps going.

Everyone You Meet

I almost don't want to write anything after listening to that.  It brings such heartbreaking beauty and peace.

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It seems the only reason we have to email our landlord is if there is a problem.  So I made an effort today to email them that after the recent heavy rains the basement didn't leak like it used to, and that it was a nice space for my cousins to sleep when they visited last weekend, unlike previous summers when it would have been too musty.  She replied,

"YAY YAY YAY!! I'm so happy to hear this and know that all the work paid off! Thank you for the feedback!"

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Last week we had a bit of a downer that my partner was no longer being considered for a job that he interviewed for.  Later we learned it was actually that the government contract was taking too long to come thru so they were taking down the position for the time being.  Today we learned he received an email asking for a phone interview from a different company but it had been put into a folder where he didn't see it.  He could have used that pick me up last week, but that's fine, today works too and he'll have the phone interview tomorrow.

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My partner's daughter is playing my friend's daughter in la crosse tonight, so I'll get to watch from the sidelines and talk to my friend whom I haven't seen for over a year.

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 I made a comment about the kids' chores today.  It wasn't a big deal to me, an observation, but I can see how it might have appeared to be a criticism.  Be gentle, be gentle I am reminded, especially to those you love. Which also reminded of this quote that I tried to find the source for, but it is not easily attributed.

"Be Kind for Everyone You Meet is Fighting a Hard Battle"

Downpour

#1 - My partner, Michael, came into the room today and asked me if I could pick up his daughters.  He was not looking at me and started doing some other task after the question so when I responded, "What time?" he was too absorbed to answer.

Once we figured it out I said, "Did you notice how quickly I said, "yes"?"  Because his perception is I often quickly respond "no" about things.

"It wasn't that quick," was his response.

A few minutes later I went to find him in the other room and said, "I am feeling defensive.  You said I didn't respond quickly, but you hadn't even told me what time they needed to be picked up."

He got up, gave me his full attention, apologized and gave me a big hug.  He said I was right, he wasn't being respectful when he made the original request.

#2 - The oldest is learning to ride the city bus by herself and has plans to practice the route they will take to school with a friend on Wednesday.

#3 - I listened to an Elizabeth Gilbert interview today.  During the questions at the end a woman told Gilbert she didn't want to have children, but felt pressure and worried that when she got old she'd regret it.  Gilbert had an awesome response with a list of positive statistics about women never having kids.  She then concluded that there is no statistic correlation between being elderly, with or without kids, and happiness.  She said what was correlated to happiness in the elderly was health and financial security.  So she said, "Brush your teeth, wear a seatbelt, save your money and you'll be fine."

#4 - Michael was going to bring something out to the garage, he came back in and said, "Never mind, it's raining cats and dogs out there."  His daughters wanted to see the rain.  First they stood on the stoop underneath a roof.  Then they ventured out into the downpour and walked back and forth down the sidewalk, playing in the puddles.  And not just briefly.  I'd say they've been out there for at least 20 minutes.

#5 - Our evening plans were cancelled for the rain.  I asked the girls if they wanted to play Catan (board game) instead.  They both enthusiastically said yes, but it seems mother nature has taken their attention instead.

Las Cosas Grandes

#1 - I went to the free 6:30 AM yoga a couple miles from me.  Afterward I decided to lay in a long shivasana, then I sat up and did a short meditation, then I laid down and for another long shivasana.  I'd guess for close to an hour I just sat or laid on the grass because I didn't get home until close to 9AM.

#2 - Michael's eldest rode her bike with me to check out the nearby farmer's market.  It was super cute and I'm excited to incorporate that more into my weekly routine.  I bought zucchini for a zucchini pasta, mixed greens and some super yummi blueberries.

#3 - Later both of Michael's children rode their bikes to the beach by themselves for the first time.  He was excited and also a bit protective/nervous with lots of advice as they were setting off.  They did completely fine and enjoyed themselves.

#4 - During our break-up a couple years back I read a book by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt called Making Marriage Simple.  One of their "truths" is that "Negativity is Invisible Abuse."  Their suggestion to end negativity is to take a calendar, and for a month, end each day with a smiley face or a frown.  The day gets a frown if either partner felt there was negativity that day.  Negativity is critical thinking, competition, constructive criticism...Also you end each day by stating three gratitudes (no repeats) about each other.  I suggested we try this for July last weekend.  Michael seemed hesitant at first but ultimately agreed.  Today he thanked me for this and said he is about to start a new journal and is glad to start it with this grateful energy.  It is a journal I bought him in Spain and that he didn't use last time he began a journal, around the new year, because he was frustrated with me.  The journal's cover states

Las Cosas

Grandes

Empiezan

Siendo

Pequenas

"Big things begin feeling small" (stated more poetically).

#5 - That kind of reminds me of the U.S. women's soccer team request for equal pay.  I'm a lot more interested in that than how well they are doing (or did) in the World Cup.  I wonder if this could be a small thing that changes the world of women and sports, or women's equity in general?

Nothing Belongs to Me

#1 - I submitted a piece of writing to my favorite magazine.  It would never have occurred to me in this instance, but the woman who led the group where I wrote about the cat situation a couple weeks ago suggested it.

#2 - My partner said he almost collapsed when he got the call yesterday that a job he was excited about, and a finalist for, went to the internal candidate.  They assured him it wasn't anything missing in his abilities or qualifications, but it is still hard news.  A bit after he told me I felt like throwing up.  I started to feel that way again upon waking today, but at least we both slept well last night.  #3 - He is going to a birthday party this afternoon which should be good medicine, to be around friends/support.  #4 - It is also helpful to just do something, in my case today cleaning the bathrooms and washing the kitchen floor. 

#5 - When I opened my email there was  message from the librarian that leads a monthly poetry group.  His writing is like Rumi and he often sends us new poems along with the meeting  reminder.  Today's poem was perfect medicine.  I'll ask him permission to reprint it, for now I'll just share the beginning.

NOTHING BELONGS TO ME

 

I am filled
with gratitude
for nothing belongs 
to me –
that is how
I know I am
free....

Guthema Roba 

or maybe then again, 

that is enough 

in itself.

It's All Downhill

There is a book called Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson.  I started reading it a year or so ago, but soon stopped, it was too good.  I wanted to mark too many pages.  I had too much I wanted to go back to, discuss, share.  I wanted to read it together.

I listened to an interview with the author.  She says that when one partner vies for connection and doesn't receive it, this can lead into a negative pattern.  This is definitely true in my relationship.  When there is disconnection everything is amplified and simple statements can be taken as weapons.

My partner and I disconnected on Wed. eve.  Since that connection has not yet been re-established we tread on rocky ground.  When I accidently shattered a glass bowl on the kitchen floor this morning, it seemed fitting.  Something sharp needs cleaning up.

Before moving in together, we agreed, we wouldn't go multiple days without reconnecting.  It is fine to be upset and need some space, but we wouldn't let this drag on.

Maybe we should have been more specific on that timeline?  I don't know.  It's all a journey.  One I am grateful to be on, even when it's a bumpy one.

I did at least start my day on a positive note.  There is free outdoor morning yoga at a park a couple miles from me every day during the summer.  Today was the first day I checked it out.  I'd love to add that to my schedule once a week.  I'm happy to have had someone to bike with and even decide for us to take the slightly long way home. 

I also found a restaurant that has vegetarian options in the small town I will be at soon for my cousin's wedding.

Writing to the Rescue

On Tuesday my partner's cat had a compete urinary obstruction which required an expensive intervention or immanent death.  I agonized in one vet's office and then the second for 6 hours total trying to decide what to do.  I had minimal communication with my partner via satellite text which he brings for emergencies as he was on his annual solo wilderness camping trip.

There sat I, who never wanted the cat in the first place, deciding to either spend a substantial chunk of my laid off partner's money, or kill the cat.

Luckily in the end my partner made the decision.

The cat is doing better, however both the financial concerns, and concerns that this will happen again remain.

That is the backdrop.

The gratitude was I was able to spend two hours this afternoon writing about it with 5 other women who were also deeply processing challenges in their own lives.  And that though some of those challenges felt a great deal more immense than my own, they still empathized and audibly responded to my words.  I left feeling lighter and so happy I was both able and took the opportunity to do this.  As I left the leader, who I have written with on and off for years, said something to me like, "I'm so happy that you and Michael worked out."

I had seen this situation as another potential deep difference between the two of us.  She saw us together working thru life.

I guess both would be true.

And that cat just jumped upon my lap, and I encouraged it, because somebody had to take care of him this week and it was me. And though I have not changed my opinion on expenditures and pets, I do feel a bit more empathetic.