Tell Me What They Were

#451 - "High-Tech Births Vs. Nature's Way" - I am very impressed with the cover story in the Star Tribune (Minneapolis Paper) today and I highly recommend it (though I don't think it is online unfortunately). They list the C-section rates at all the local hospitals, many of which are twice what the World Health Organization recommends. It seemed like this information was so hard to find when I was researching it for a friend's pregnancy. I am so happy this is being covered! Tomorrow they are going to have a story on how a St. Paul hospital (I'm sure St. Joe's) keeps the C-section rate low.

#452 - I saw this article in a newstand and wanted to read it, and then got it from my Neighbor.

#453 - Caring Enough to try and Figure out Bill Tracker - I guess I've never expected a bill to affect me personally as much as MN House File 3046/Senate File 2702. I decided ten years ago (when I learned about birth centers) that I wanted to live in a state that had them if/when I became pregnant. Until a few months ago that did not include MN. But now, by some apparent miracle they have opened here! I am very hopeful they will thrive as one of many options for pregnant families. Anyway, I have been following a bill related to birth centers licensure in the MN legislature this year. The basics of the MN bill tracker are simple, but today I was trying to figure out how the bill was amended in the house in a way the author in the senate disliked. I haven't figured that out, but I did learn that in both houses - most of the members, both Republican and Democrat voted for it. YEAH!!!

#454 - It's hard to think about the oil spill because while we all might like to think BP is responsible, we are all responsible. It's not just getting in our cars. Nearly everything we use is either made with oil, or produced on machinery that uses oil, or transported with oil. It is hard to live this lifestyle and have any remorse we may feel for wildlife, ecosystems or people mean anything.



Thank God for not only my favorite power source, but possibly my favorite human invention - when I pass by a Windmill (or lots of Windmills), My Breath Deepens and I feel Peaceful. That in itself is impressive, not to mention how awesome they are for their clean energy!

#455 - I spent the last couple nights with my cousins. On Friday I slept in Ashley's room and as we were falling asleep I asked her what five things she was grateful for that day. I had never asked her this before, but she enthusiastically responded and then asked me mine.

This morning before I left, Ashley said to me, "You didn't do your gratitudes yesterday!"

"I did I just wrote them in my journal."

"Tell Me what They Were."

Switching Gratitude Locale

After three months of daily posts, I'm going to start alternating between writing them here and in my journal. There are advantages to both, so starting tomorrow...

#441 - The Energy I feel in Some Writing of Jill's - there are all these pieces we don't know how will fit together or where it will go, but I trust it because I feel it

#442 - Leftover Black Bean Polenta Pie

#443 - Eating Black Bean Polenta Pie outside

#444 - Energy in Music which allows me to do things I otherwise wouldn't, like Push-Ups

#445 - That I Keep Doing Push-ups (once a week), even though it is probably my least favorite exercise, because Laura got me in the habit

High School Entertainment

#436 - High School Students that had constructed boats (out of cardboard wrapped in plastics... etc.) for physics(?) and were taking turns attempting to paddle them around a marker and back. It was highly entertaining.

#437- Laughter from the students as their boats tipped and they struggled to stay afloat.

#438 - Feeling how much more Comfortable in my Skin I am than when I was Younger

#439 - Having Too Much Energy to Sit Here at the Computer

#440 - My favorite (?) Elizabeth Gilbert quote (from Oprah Oct 5, 2007) - I'm going to make sure it's in my journal


"GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO "NOT KNOW"
And I never knew at that age, in my 20s, that "I don't know" is actually a legitimate answer that you're allowed to say. You're allowed to say, I don't know, and you're allowed to ask for as much time as you need until you do know. And if somebody doesn't wanna give you that time, they're allowed to leave. But you're allowed to sit with your I don't know. And I never sat with it because it was uncomfortable. Nobody likes that place. And so I always said yes. Oh, sure. Let's move in together, let's get married, let's buy a house, let's do all this stuff that I was sort of half yes, half no."

Stop Thinking So Hard

#431 - Wearing a Dress with Bare Feet

#432 - My friend Laura Sleeping through the Night

#433 - Laura feeling drawn to read Eat, Pray, Love - it makes me happy when anyone who doesn't usually read for pleasure takes the time to do it (well I feel grateful when anyone enjoys reading I guess)

#434 - When I played Laura my ukulele songs on the phone, her Baby was Dancing to it

#435 - Sometimes I sit here and don't know what to write. Then I have to "Stop Thinking so Hard" and gratitudes come

Last Thing That Scared You

#426 - "I could have a cookie but I'd rather have some fruit" - a thought

#427 - Talking to my Dad about when he lived in NYC - I forget sometimes, since I've known my Dad all my life, that there are things about his life I don't know.

#428 - My Friend Stacie said She'll Be Visiting Soon

#429 - New Questions - "The first conversation we have with somebody can be awkward. We don’t know them, so the first thing we do is make connections, how do you know so and so...If we are both married with kids, we might ask about that, too. We just find common ground... From there we tend to ask what they do, where they work. That’s not a bad question, because work often encompasses our passions and even our education, but it also rings of you are your work." Don Miller

Jill recommended this post. I definitely appreciate anyone who leans into their creativity and comes up with new questions. I think my current favorite question is,

"What was the Last Thing You Did that Scared You?"

Some people have a really narrow focus on the word "fear." They only think of something that threatens their safety. That is not what I am talking about (though that is a valid answer of course).

In my experience trying anything new usually involves a little bit of fear (sometimes a lot). So"how long has it been since you tried something new?" is the underlying question, but "that scared you" makes it interesting.


#430 - I Put Chords to a Poem - when my friend's baby first starting pulling himself up to stand, he would look around so proud, "I did it" written all over his face. That is what I felt like when I created a song today. "I did something I had no idea I could!"

Vulnerable Beauty

I wondered when I started writing this blog how often I would edit my gratitudes. There has been at least one that I hesitated in sharing (but did anyway). Otherwise I haven't had any debate- until today. It is unseasonably warm, so I pulled out my swimsuit and tried it on. I felt happy with what I saw in the mirror. I instantly felt grateful for this feeling, and knew it would be one of my gratitudes... Well, it would be if I was writing this privately, in my journal. For some reason saying I was grateful for how I felt seeing myself in a swimsuit felt the hardest to share out of 420 gratitudes.

This got me thinking, "Why?"

"Why does it feel like I am breaking some taboo or barrier to state I felt content in my swimsuit...?" Maybe then I wouldn't be marketable. There is a lot of money invested to insure that I am not content with my body. If I were - I wouldn't have to fix everything - coloring, straightening, conditioning my hair, removing it from all the places it does not belong, make-up for my face, tanning for my skin, paint for my nails, ab busters, tread mills, slim fast, weight watchers... (not even mentioning plastic surgery)... If I was happy with the way I looked now, what would I buy?

I see why we can't let this happen.

I have heard plenty of times about supermodels who don't think they are beautiful or find things wrong with their bodies - Naomi Campbell, Cindy Crawford, Shakira... I know the fact that I felt happy only partially relates to what I saw in the mirror - a greater part of it is simply how I felt about who I am. The happiness was a indicator.

"It's not easy to accept satisfaction. It still feels like something abnormal. I think in our society, it's forbidden because it's so powerful"
- Tara

Aphrodite's Daughters: Women's Sexual Stories and the Journey of The Soul
by Jalaja Bonheim

So today I am grateful for:

#421 - Trying on my Swimsuit and Feeling Happy With How I Looked

#422 - The Debate that I had with Myself about whether to Share that and the Writing that Came Out of It

#423 - The Fact That I am Sharing It Anyway

#424 - As I am writing this I am debating whether to just state "swimsuit" or "bikini." Is it relevant? It feels more vulnerable to say bikini. This is probably why I didn't own one until I was 31 years old, it felt too vulnerable. Well, I guess I will be grateful to step into this vulnerability. Hey, that will make a good title for today too :)

#425 - One of my poems about beauty




Ordinary Beauty

It was in her ordinariness
that lay her beauty

Her lack of circumstance
that made her shine

It was the way she tucked her hair
tasted her tears
tickled

Her looks never remarkable
yet extraordinary
like lupine walked by
but never seen

Her path never commendable
yet once it crossed yours
forks appeared
and a curve around a bend

She wasn't outdoing anyone
or anything
she simply asked to be someone
who deeply listened
and still could sing

Toad

#416 - Living in a place where I can go without shaving 1/2 the year without being socially ostracized

#417 - A Child Sprinting Across a Ball Field

#418 - Fletcher's Enthusiasm/Support During Our Conversation

#419 - Seeing a Toad in The Yard - I've never seen that before. There isn't any standing water, so I don't know where it came from. Toads eat lots of insects.

#420 - Simple Words Full Of Good Energy