Butternut

#1 - Harvested the first of what looks like about 20 butternut squash that grew by itself out of the compost.  Today I made butternut squash soup.  On Friday I plan to make Butternut Squash and Black Bean Lasagna.  My sister-in-law took a couple and I have a few people in mind for a few more.  That still leaves me about a dozen.

#2 - My Dad was telling me about a book about two WWII pilots.  One of them was an ace German pilot.  He saw this American plane that was all torn up and the people inside struggling.  The German didn't think they'd make it back to England so he tried to motion for them to land in Sweden.  They didn't understand and thought he must be out of ammunition.  The German decided to escort them out to sea so that they didn't get attacked further and stayed above the American plane as their only gun that still worked was beneath.

Despite what appeared hopeless the plane made it back to England and the two men inside survived.  This kind of story was censored however as they didn't want good/kind news about Germans to come out.

Decades later, the German lived in Canada and there was some sort of WWII gathering.  He was hesitant to go as he expected to be the only German there.  He went however and all the Americans treated him like a brother.

The German and American also met at some point many years later.

"Shows the pointlessness of war," my Dad said, "They should have all high schoolers read this book."

Despite my Dad saying this, I haven't known him to take the time to read a whole book so I thought he was summarizing what he'd heard from the friend who gave the book to him.  But nope (#3) he did read the whole thing.

#4 - Having limited access to a car causes me to invent creative schemes that also have the by product of reduced emissions.  Today or tomorrow I plan to bike over my soccer stuff to my friend's parents, who will drop it off at my friend's (where they are going anyway), who will drop it off at my sweet man's house (where my friend and I are meeting) so that I can bus from there to soccer without having to carry too much stuff.  It's complex, but is also a skill, a muscle training me for some other complexities in life...

#5  - I love having a clothesline and during at least 6 months of the year, time my laundry with sunny weather.  Despite this fact I found myself, once again today, rushing to get my clothes hung up.  No matter that it was a beautiful day outside, no matter that the earth felt soft beneath my feet, nor the sun on my face, nor the cool air on my skin.  I am getting this done so I can get to my next task.  And yet, there is a space inside me that also knows, "You don't have to be like this.  You could hang your clothes in another way."

Seeds

"The original definition of sacrifice moves more inwardly. 

 It means to give up what no longer works

in order to stay close to what is sacred."

 Mark Nepo

 *****

"Creativity is the way I share my soul with the world."  

Brene Brown

*****

"The life of expression

is the tuning fork

by which we find our way

to the sacred

to what matters."

Mark Nepo



*****



"I used to believe, before I did the research for the Gifts of Imperfection, I used the believe that there were creative people and there were non-creative people.  Umm, and now I absolutely understand, personally and professionally from the data, that there are no such thing as non-creative people.  There are just people who use their creativity and people who don't.
 And unused creativity is not benign."

 Brene Brown



*****







"When you are taking on creativity, you are taking on soul work."

Brene Brown




*****

"We can't bypass the human journey. 

 It's the cocoon that releases our spirit. 

 And a lot of times we want to get out of here. 

 It's painful.

  It's hard. 

 It's difficult. 

 Another reason we need each other."

Mark Nepo




*****






"...How many other people have a similar story like that
where they just shut down
and were never allowed to be makers again. 
They were never allowed to be participants in creation again. 
They could only be consumers, you know, you are not allowed to
contribute to the evolving story of the universe that is in motion,
you just get to watch
 and buy
and purchase things
and that's all you get to do."

Elizabeth Gilbert






*****




"Failure has a function
it asks you
if you really want
to go on making things."

Clive James




*****




"You are
a born maker
and we need
what you can bring to us
because you are the only one
 who can bring it."

Brene Brown

Medicine

I planned to go to yoga tonight, though I saw on the schedule someone was subbing for one of my favorite teachers...then the sun and the breeze and the temperature enticed me outside. I quickly shifted gears, packed up the leftovers from the food I made yesterday and headed to Medicine Lake.

The first time I walked around this lake was during a low point in my life - I think in a February. Snow covered the ground and though it was not a particularly cold winter day, it was probably in the 30's or 40's. I was taking a short walk to try and shake up something in myself, I guess it started to work because as I walked I asked, "I wonder if there is a path that goes all the way around the lake?" I kept walking. Then, "I wonder how far it is around the lake?" I kept walking. I only came across a person or two, "Maybe I should ask them how far it is?" I kept walking. It speaks to the sense of desperation I felt in my life that I didn't care, I just kept going. Or maybe it speaks to a lake called, "Medicine," that I have occasionally wondered about, but never taken the time to research until now.

Wikipedia says, "The name Medicine Lake is derived from the Dakota word Mdewakanton, meaning "Lake of the Spirit."

Hmm.

Not immediately, but soon enough I started walking around that lake one evening a week. I believe for at least a year or two I hardly missed a week - late winter to late fall. This year, on the other hand, I think it's my third walk around, and possibly my first alone.

It is a beautiful walk, but even beautiful things can turn ugly when they are done out of desperation or loneliness. Or maybe not turn ugly, but fail to live up to their potential. I often imagine the trees can hear my thoughts as I walk beneath them. A broken record of the endless cycles inhabiting my brain. I've enjoyed returning to that walk with fresh perspectives, new cycles weaving in my consciousness. I feel the trees take that in, or laugh at me, "Here she goes again."

Today I spoke to the trees about marriage. Years ago, I told a friend that if I got married I'd want a small/simple ceremony. Recently she asked me if I still felt that way, I kind of shrugged, I hadn't given it any thought. Today for whatever reason, as I began to walk, I did for the first time this year. I found my perspective hadn't changed. I also pondered the upcoming thanksgiving holiday with the trees - how that might look, what plans might be made. All of this was in the first hour of the walk.

The second hour, I think I quieted down, or at least whatever I thought about was quieter - maybe the flock of pelicans (do pelicans fly in V formation flocks?)overhead. Maybe the long hike my friend wants to take in 15 years (my hike today felt like plenty to me). Maybe the man who asked if he could list me as his emergency contact when he goes wilderness camping. Maybe being asked, "What did you mean?" to a line I wrote in a poem that no one has ever inquired about before.

Maybe - what in fact inspired someone besides me to call this lake, "Medicine". Maybe someone like the creators of this.

Interrupting Regular Programming

Well, it's only fitting that these are the last two photos from Asheville I have to share. I'm listening to an audio book today while I work - A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers will Rule the Future by Daniel Pink.


I don't find it riveting. I was already on board and didn't need the convincing for the left brain he does at the beginning, however I agreed with the premise and am encouraged by the perspective.

I'm about halfway through and I just got to this part


“Sydney Harman…the 80 something multi-millionaire CEO of a stereo components company, says he doesn’t find it all that valuable to hire MBA’s. ‘Instead I say get me some poets as managers. Poets are our original systems thinkers, they contemplate the world in which we live, and feel obliged to interpret and give expression to it in a way that makes the reader understand how that world turns. Poets, those unheralded systems thinkers, are our true digital thinkers. It is from their midst, that I believe we will draw tomorrow’s new business leaders.'”

I almost fell over.

A whole new mind or a whole new world?

Market

#1 - Hearing the thunder and rain at 4AM yet feeling calm/peaceful about how this would affect the market today.  It was still lightning when I got there for set-up, but within a half hour it ended and the light intermittent rain was nice.  I was filling in at a different market than usual.  The head of the board of directors at my market is affiliated with both and asked me if I was available to do so.  Since I don't really know what I'm doing there it's incredibly helpful to have two teenage boys that help with set-up and tear down there that know exactly what to do.

#2 - The former mayor of the city also is at the market every Sunday on an entirely voluntary basis which is also quite appreciated by me because she knows what is going on.  Like I didn't know the face painter should be paid $25, so when she asked for the money I looked at her a bit blankly.  The former mayor said, "They didn't tell you about that part huh?"

(Asheville, NC photo)

#3 - The woman who runs the market told me she'd email me the lay-out on Thursday night and asked if I could print it out, "Sure."  When I checked my email yesterday I still didn't have it.  I wasn't going to go off and on the computer looking for it all night.  I just got up a little early.

When I tried to print it at 6AM - of course - it wasn't working.  I actually kind of just shrugged, things don't work for me at the last minute, so I wasn't surprised.  Luckily I knew the market would be rather empty for the holiday weekend so having vendors in specific spaces wasn't going to be critcal.

Then I got the printing to work.

#4 - The morning musician played the keyboard for 3 hours.  His music was happy and lively and a woman I recognized as a nearby librarian started dancing the polka with someone.

#5 - I saw the woman who hit my friend when we were jogging last week.  She was stopped at a red light, turning right.  We started jogging through, she didn't see us.  It was low impact at a low speed in a small car, but  still a car vs. a person.  I imagined the woman feels pretty awful, but I didn't have her number to let her know how my friend is doing.  Anyway, there she was in front of me, so I spoke with her briefly.

(My friend, by the way, is handling the whole thing amazingly.)

Close Call

My brother, my niece and I went to check out a frisbee golf course a block from where he lives.  On the walk home my niece wanted to try and catch a moth in the road.  It would fly a bit and then land again, then as we approached fly off and land again.  "You can't chase things in the road honey because if a car is coming you won't be paying attention," I said off handedly.  There was zero traffic and the road we were on dead ended at a school where nothing was happening.

About a minute or so later a small SUV came barreling through the intersection completely ignoring the stop sign.  My brother and I stood stationary in disbelief.

After a bit the vehicle came back around to the intersection.  The driver's window was open so I walked up and said, "You just scared us, we were walking across that intersection with a small child and you went through that stop sign without even slowing down."

"I did? I'm so sorry," she said to me (cell phone in hand).

It didn't really dawn on me until later how close we were to being in the middle of that intersection when that vehicle came through, how much I assume a vehicle will stop at a stop sign, how lucky my niece wasn't alone chasing moths...

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I never knew people gave 4 year olds make-up - but someone gave some to my niece for her birthday and she loves it.  After applying four lipsticks and eye shadow to me, she asked her mom for face paint.  I actually really enjoy it because she is so quiet and completely absorbed in the task as she works.

It was a beautiful day to bike the 17 or so miles to their place, something I hadn't done yet this year.   Then I biked a few more to my friend's to spend time with her and the kids.  When the kids found out I was sleeping over the youngest said, "I love when you spend the night!"  The oldest agreed.  The children and I built a fort out of a new construction toy then put a sheet on top.  Later I curled into bed with the youngest at my shoulder and the oldest right beside for bedtime stories.

_____________________________

These photos are from a couple weeks ago, while I was in North Carolina - something beautiful opened.

10,000 Gratitudes

You know the longing that sneaks up on you? The car behind driven by a man, his two daughters in back, no one on the passenger side.

Yesterday you spent two hours with that man in the woods – a compass, a walkie talkie, bright snow, bright sun.

You didn’t notice how easy it was - stepping in line with his family, consulting a map, charting a course.

You did notice how blue his eyes were, how quietly he led, how subtly he redirected. You did notice how all comments passed from him to his girls, or you to the girls.

His youngest invited you to dinner. His oldest kept tally.

Twinkle. Twinkle. Kira. Kira.

After finding the last marker you laid in the snow. The family returned inside.
You expected to luxuriate in the sun.

But now the space felt empty. You realize the ease of the last 2 hours. You recognize the lack, now at home, in your chest.

Many times you’ve sat atop a view and it’s been plenty.

It’s been enough.

But now they continue into their lives and you to yours
yet something lingers.

On the drive home he pulls out behind you, girls in back, no one beside.

He follows a while, then passes,
and is gone.

Ahh, so goes my weekend.
Ahh, so goes my life.



**************************************************************************************



I wrote this in March, one week after finishing five years of writing gratitudes, on the way home from a cross country ski weekend where I’d spent a couple hours doing an orienteering activity with a quiet, peaceful man and his two daughters.

So I suppose it is only fitting that yesterday, when I reached 10,000 gratitudes, I was returning from my first camping trip with both he and his daughters.

Then again, it is also true that we all had been camping together before, in a big group, last August, though we never spoke nor noted one another.  I can vaguely picture them in my mind’s eye, because there were many adults, but few children.

I was scheduled to post yesterday, on my 10,000th gratitude day, however I arrived home at 10pm from camping and wasn’t ready for bed for at least another hour, and this morning was an early farmer’s market one. So I made quick notes in my journal instead.

• “Let’s go lay in the hammock and watch the sunrise.”

• The audio version of The Phantom Tollbooth ended just as we pulled into the drive, (like the book ended perfectly our last night in the tent).

• Hugging good-bye, I pulled away and he said, “Ummm,” and didn’t let go. “I keep thinking about taking you home with me. Someday.”

• Getting crabby because I am getting to bed late and I have to be at the farmer’s market at 6AM and I need to bike there and there are thunderstorms in the forecast and then I got on the computer quick to print out tomorrow’s market lay-out and there was a sweet message from the sweet man which he sent a couple hours before we left to go camping.

• Despite the message, I was still getting crabby. Becoming aware of this, that my “pain body” was slowly taking over (instead of it unconsciously taking over), then being able to laugh it a little and at the fact that I almost had a meltdown when the kitchen was out of paper towels after I dropped some cantaloupe I was cutting for the next day on the floor.

So that was yesterday. Today I am grateful -

#1 - To have had the energy to bike to the market, to have packed a breakfast and lunch, to have grabbed my extra bike bag so I could bike home with produce, to spend the day outside interacting with people, that the storms didn’t come during the market, that despite it being quite windy I didn’t have to paddle against it, that I implemented my new eat breakfast at the market strategy so I didn’t have to get up before 5AM and that my childhood friend Becky came to shop.

#2 – I had not seen the aforementioned friend for a few years. Her husband was with her and he thanked me for encouraging him (when I last saw them at the market) to try the community ed tennis league. He said he’s played a few years and that he’d loved it. I didn’t even remember the conversation.

#3 – Being able to drive to clean the yoga studio because if I had to bike I would have had a serious attitude problem. I knew I was going to be tired, so after about 20 minutes of cleaning I took a 30 minute or so nap. It totally shifted me into a quiet space. I wasn’t in a hurry to get done, the only other “thing” I had to do today was type this and I surrendered to the task and the cleaning and I really enjoyed it. I lisened first to nothing, then to the Peter Mulvey CD I recently picked up at the library and then to Prairie Home Companion.

#4 – I’m pretty tired, but the house is quiet, the windows are open, the sky is a stormy shade of yellowish-grey, the rain just began to pour down and I’m about to take a shower and climb into a safe, sheltered bed.  Well, I was about to and then realized I probably had a couple emails I should respond to from last week.  And then I started getting crabby from being on the computer and then I took a deep breath and slowed the crabbiness down.

Slowed down enough to decide to stop, and leave you with this

#5