First Weekend

My word of the year is "Foundation."

I was very much envisioning that in the manner of purchasing a home.  I thought my partner and I might finally be in a space to build a solid foundation together.  I was excited and getting ready.

Now eight months later, I am here in the condo I moved into instead. I haven't really thought of it as a foundation my first week here, more as a cocoon.  I feel safe here, and a sense of peace.  It has easy access to nature, and it is close to many things.

When I sat down to write this initially I couldn't recall my word of the year.  I thought it should be something like, drift or float, because that is how I feel.  Clearly my plan for my life was askew, so I let go of that plan and now drift in the current.  I am not fighting to get upstream or to a different channel.  I let go.

And I find beneath me a foundation different from the structure of a dwelling, the foundation of relationships I've built over the years, such as these two boys - ages 13 and 10.  They have been angels to me this summer.  I asked their mom for them to spend their last summer weekend with me, both as a thank you to her for letting me stay with them this summer, and also as an easing in to living alone.

Today we started out with a 3 mile bike ride to play a little tennis. Then when we got back we took turns selecting activities.  They picked games, but enthusiastically shifted gears when I selected watercolor painting for my first turn and taking a walk on my 2nd.  

We found a short wooded trail I didn't know about on the walk which ended at a playground.  We played tetherball there, something I don't recall doing since I was a child. Then I learned the youngest is quite competitive and persistent when they did timed races to climb up a slide.

Before bed I read Alberic the Wise to them by Norton Juster (author of The Phantom Tollbooth) which I also read to myself last night before bed.  Both days a different nugget of wisdom jumped out.

The power went out briefly during a storm, for just a minute tonight, which was a bit scary in a new place.  But I have lights from my father plugged into a few outlets.  They have batteries that turn on when the power goes off.  So those lights appeared, and that was reassuring.

 (My helpers at work yesterday.)

Third Time is a Charm

When I moved my stuff into storage back in May, my brother was going to pick up the truck with me and help drive.  He tested positive for Co-Vid that morning.  Luckily one of my friends was willing to jump in his place and did all the driving. (I could drive the truck but it's not appealing to me).

Then when I was going to move the stuff out of storage a couple weeks ago I had Co-Vid.

Tomorrow is the move reschedule, and the friend who originally helped drive the truck was going to again, but he just called and tested positive for Co-Vid today.

#1 - I was just thinking earlier that I probably had more help than I needed, but based on the previous attempts that was probably a good thing, and obviously it is.

#2 - This time, my brother will fill in for my friend instead of vice versa.

#3 - Both times I planned to have my friend, and my brother help me for the full move and then a few other friends help for half of it.  One of the friends who is just helping for a half asked if I wanted additional help because of the Co-Vid situation.

#4 - I am going to music tonight - a band I am unfamiliar with (Cloud Cult) at a place I've never been.  I listened to some of the music online and didn't really resonate, but somehow I still felt drawn to go. This friend has always said yes when I've organized events in the past - so part of it was just being glad to be invited by her to something.

#5 - The opener is Superior Siren - also someone I'm familiar with, but with an interesting description -

"Superior Siren is an eerie folk project from Duluth, Minnesota. The music is inspired by Lake Superior and Siren mythology, and combines alluring vocals with haunting melodies."

 I just looked it up on YouTube and the song that came up is Trying Too Hard..

"The music video is intended to honor empowerment and resilience by celebrating feminine energy and promoting healing. The song was originally written about the turbulence of intimate relationships, feeling underestimated by others, and breaking free from limitations. Alison Peluso plays three different characters: the main being a young woman tapping into her inner wisdom, contemplating matters of the heart, and connecting with her familial history; the second character is an oppressed ancestor, unable to stand up for herself; and the third character represents the divine feminine energy and goddess within."

Positive This Time

Well after numerous negative tests and one inconclusive test in June, I got a positive Co-Vid test result today.  I'm grateful to have access to easy free testing.  The home test I took on my first day of symptoms was negative, so I'm glad I went in for a test too. I suppose I may not have done that if I didn't have such great access.

So far my symptoms are already improving and not serious.  Since I'm not living with anyone at the moment, my friend and her family are on vacation, that helps with not exposing others. I did definitely expose people earlier this week which I feel bad about.

I was going to move my stuff that is in storage to the condo on Saturday but that will have to wait. Luckily

A. My helpers sound like they'll be available on a later date.

B. There is no urgency for me to move.

As far as having "good timing" to get Co-Vid, this is pretty good I'd say, I don't have any plans in the next week that can't be postponed.  

The Children

 It's been a raw day.  I think it is the first day I can actually say I am looking forward to living alone.  I want to retreat into a turtle shell.  It did help when my friend asked how my morning went and I came to her hug in the kitchen in tears.

And just now, her youngest asked, "When are you leaving?"

"Actually you are leaving first," I said.  (They have a vacation planned.) "Do you mean when am I moving out?"

He nodded. 

"Well, I'll do most of the moving while you are gone and it just depends, when you get back I might just stay a night or so."

"Then I can come and visit you," he said.

"Yes, we already have that planned." 

He smiled.

I finally got to play a little tennis today with his older brother, which is something I've meant to do since I moved in here.

My stoic niece let me hold her in the garage for a while, for once obviously affected by the turmoil around her, and letting herself be comforted.

My nephew volunteered to put sunscreen on himself and join the fun immediately today.  You have to know what a fit he puts on about sunscreen to understand the depth of that gratitude.

 

Kohler-Andre State Park (WI) on Lake Michigan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Return (Love Comes Back) Rose Cousins

 #1 - I had an old friend, who I haven't seen in over 10 years contact me out of the blue last week.  He is starting a non-profit and wanted to talk to me.  We spoke on the phone Friday and I didn't think I had much to offer but I had one thought, "He needs to talk to Conie."  I suggested the 3 of us talk sometime.  Conie sent an newsletter this weekend so I forwarded it to him saying, "Here is a snippet of the friend I thought to connect you with." His reply,

"WOWIE ZOWIE Tammy - you could not get anymore aligned with what is driving me than what she is already doing!  Thanks!"

#2 - I had an offer accepted on a condo last month and today we scheduled the closing time.

#3 - My cousin that I knew might be going to Italy this summer, emailed me today that she is there and sent a few photos.

#4 - I am picking up a chair from Michael tonight that I really liked and he didn't really use. We were going back and forth on when and where to pick it up and finally he called me and left a message.  The point was we both got a little frustrated trying to schedule this simple thing, but we also both were  trying to accommodate each other. I don't know what our connection will look like in the future, but I have glimmers of hope that it can still be a beautiful one even if not what we imagined.

#5 -Song of the week (I prefer just the song without the video, but can't find a link for that).

Sparklefest and Astrology

After my covid close contact and isolation I'm super glad to have spent nearly 12 hours today with my niece and nephew.  First at the beach and then at "sparklefest" where I got to have a good conversation with my sister-in-law while the kids played. We talked briefly for the first time about the possibility of me visiting them in Japan. At the end I said, "Is Japan even open to foreigners yet?"

The answer was, "Not except tour groups," which made the conversation mute.  But that may change.

My brother thanked me for being more flexible than usual, part of that is just knowing my time with my niece and nephew is limited, so I stayed for the fireworks, even though I'd usually go to bed.  My nephew just covered his ears and said they were too loud. I agree, though these were the "small" fireworks, so they were smaller and shorter, which is my preference.

I also just loved watching the end of my niece's childhood.  What I mean is, she just turned 11 and was running around to the bouncy houses and the hula hoops and when we were leaving, "Can we go run on the bike ramps?!!"  All that childish enthusiasm which often suddenly wains into the teen years.  I don't know if she'll have that when she gets back from Japan, so I soaked it in today.

I started the day writing an email to an old friend who emailed me out of the blue yesterday.  I'd been wondering if something is going on in my astrological chart with all the changes, and then I realized he is someone who knows a lot about these things so I sent him a message asking.  Because I was asking I pulled up my chart and transits myself.  I have a very rudimentary knowledge, but one thing was clear.  Pluto which represents intense transformation or creative destruction, looks like it entered my house of relationships sometime around the time I met Michael, and is nearing the edge of leaving it.  It is also sitting on my mercury, which represents communication.

Transit Pluto in 7th House Your close relationships will undergo great transformation during this period of time. You may reach a crisis or turning point in your marriage or love affair that may cause you to redefine the entire nature of your relationship...Any relationship that is not solid will have difficulty in lasting the entire time of this transit.

https://astromatrix.org/Horoscopes/Transit-in-Houses/Transit-Pluto-in-7th-House 

I told this to Michael today as I am hopefully giving him my dad's lawn mower tomorrow so I called him on the phone. He was curious, said if my friend responds to my email he is curious to hear what he said.  I was just telling my sister-in-law this evening how much I appreciated this.  I'm not even sure how to say it.  But I have a friend who once described me as "out there," not in a judgemental way, just his truth.  I would describe the friend who I emailed the question about astrology as "out there."

So there is this spectrum and I just love where Michael sits on that spectrum, maybe a bit less "out there" than me, but always open about it, always curious. That has been a tremendous gift.