Nikita Gill

I am in the middle of a ten week Writing Through Trauma class.  I hesitated to sign up, as I wasn't sure what inspired me to take the class qualified as "trauma", but in fact it seems I belong there more than I expected.  We have talked and written about trauma in big and small ways - from not being picked on a team for school, to more serious infractions.

I have been surprised, again and again, how touching a simple role play experience can be.  Today we started out doing a bit of improvisation, definitely outside my comfort zone, but I go with it.  We walked around acting like we were in complete control.  Then we walked around as if we were out of control.  Somehow this ended up with us making a declaration.  My declaration was about being open.

Then we returned to writing and wrote a list of blocks between us and our declaration - so in my case, blocks to my openness.  One of my blocks was an early childhood memory of my Dad yelling at me to, "Stop crying!"  After that my mother later told me that she never saw me cry again.  And it's true, I learned to hold in my tears - either permanently - or until I could be alone.  That may have served a protective purpose, but as a habit it inhibits connection, not only with other people, but also with myself!

Then a couple of us acted out one of our blocks. I picked the door at the edge of my room to represent my openness, then I picked a classmate to be my mom partially in between me and the door and another classmate to be my father, fully blocking the door.  To my surprise with just a little dialogue and role play I ended up crying. I don't know how much changes from an activity like this, but in the moment at least, I do know it brings understanding and peace.

I also shared with the class a poem, The Bones of Trauma, from a book/author I discovered at the library yesterday.  Wild Embers - Poems of Rebellion, Fire and Beauty by Nikita Gill.  It's not often I read a book of poetry straight through, but after opening to random page after random page, and feeling riveted by each of them, I not only want to read it straight through, I feel compelled to.

I just looked her up online - Nikita Gill - Wow.  I'm reading through her instagram posts and having a hard time picking one to post here.  So I'll just say if you have any interest, check her out...