Ten Years

Yesterday I completed 10 years of writing daily gratitudes (most of them in my journals).  There have been a few days I've forgotten - or in the recent case of shock of my dad's death - skipped.  But I still in that case - said them in my head - and I always wrote them down the following day.

Over the weekend I went on a retreat to celebrate this milestone.  I wanted to acknowledge it in some way and when I found a retreat where one of the activities was "nature gratitude journaling" I signed up.  That activity in itself was pretty normal/not a big deal for me, however the woman who ran the gratitude journaling started crying when I told her that is the reason I was there.

What I ended up being surprised by was henna.  I had no particular interest in henna, and even considered skipping the session.  However it ended up being my favorite part of the structured workshop.  She talked about symbolism and I started sketching all these symbols that are currently meaningful for me.  I wanted a symbol for gratitude, but that seems to be woefully lacking in our culture. 

Then I wanted a symbol for my dad.  The first thing that came to mind was a foundation.  But how do you draw that - a square slab?  Then I thought of a compass, because I'm just beginning to realize what a moral compass he's been to me.   I wanted a heart to symbolize love of course.  And I wanted my word of the year in there too - which is "Surfacing" which also has similar symbolism to Aquarius which is when both my father and I were born.  Luckily during, the nature journaling time I interviewed a leaf and the leaf suggested a cursive, "G" for my gratitude symbol, which also could stand for "Grandpa" since my dad loved being a grandpa.  So I told all these things to the woman doing the henna and this is the result.

*I'm grateful to be able to share this with someone who will read it.

*I opened a checking account today so I can have a separate place to keep track of expenses for my father.

*I'm grateful a woman whom grew up across the street and I consider to be a little sister emailed me because of my dad's death.  I haven't heard from her in over 10 years and didn't even think the email I had for her worked anymore.

*I've had pain or maybe depression in my life, that came over me like a dark blanket and covered my days.  I don't feel that now.  Tears come often enough, yet I'm still able to smile and see beauty and sleep and eat and function.  At least at this layer, who knows what lays below.

 *Some of my dad's friends have been writing me sweet messages/memories.  This one is my favorite

"Our Prayers and thoughts are with you and we know that your Dad is already working on any electrical issues needed to be addressed in Heaven."