Seminary Housing

#1 - I have an old friend that I learned has been living in town the past few years when I ran into him at a Rumi poetry event.  The event took place at the seminary where he was in school to become a hospice chaplain.  

He's almost done.  And a  few weeks ago as he helped me sort things at my dad's, I learned he was applying for jobs locally as well as Illinois (where he is from) and Washington state.  

I called him Saturday to see if he knew where he was headed at the end of the month.  The good news  was he was offered a job!  The bad news - he needed to be out of his on campus apartment in just over a week and had not found a place to live yet.

I jumped into action bringing him boxes to pack, looking for places online, and wondering if he didn't find a place in a week if he could stay with me or at my dad's.  He'd still have to pack most of his stuff, move it to a storage space, finish his internship, clean his place, look for a place to live and start a new job.  This sounded exhausting to me, so later I called and asked.  "Have you asked if you could extend your stay in the on campus housing?"

"The only reason that let me stay last year was I took a class each semester," he stated (during his internship).  I knew the housing wasn't full though so I said,

"Well it would be so much simpler if you could stay there instead of having to find a storage space or move somewhere you don't like.  It doesn't hurt to ask."

"Thanks for helping me think," he said.  

So I waited with fingers crossed.  I knew the seminary was short funds so hoped he could just extend it a month.  And when I called to check today they said that was no problem!

#2 - I was a little crabby as I haven't exercised the last few days.  I tried to get my partner to join me for motivation.  No go.  So I grudgingly tried to motivate myself.  It wasn't much fun until, MACKLEMORE, popped onto my playlist.  Thank you sir!  That was exactly what I needed.

#3 - My brother got rid of a few big things at my dad's house today - the mattress/box spring on my bed (which I cried about when he said he wanted to do it today, but it's old and has to go), a study cubicle from the work room and maybe more I don't know about.

#4 - I tried to bring a load of things to drop off at the Habitat Restore, but when I got there they were closed for donations on Monday.  I didn't want to leave it all in my car overnight (I don't have a garage to park in) so I asked my partner if he'd help me unload it,  

"Why?" was his response.

That response was so exhausting to me I just left the room.  But then I turned around and did the emotional work of explaining how it can be hurtful when someone asks for assistance for the response to be, "Why?"

#5 - And later, while I was typing this, he has the Chastity Brown Pandora (or something) station playing.  I thought about going in that room and asking him to dance but I didn't.  A few songs later another Chastity Brown song came on and I did ask him.

"How can I refuse?" he said.  "I thought there was something wrong."

The More Time You Spend

I was getting my bike out of the garage for the lifeguard supported across the lake swim when I heard the phone.  My friend asked, "How are you?"

"Well Michael and I are disconnected right now,"

"Tell me about it," she said.  And then after me telling her some unimportant things we had a serious conversation about the struggles she is facing.  I'm not grateful stressors are piling up. However I was grateful to be able to listen and to relate.  I know how that downward spiral goes, anger or hurt about one thing, leads to ignition on many more things.  At the end I told her a little bit more about my frustration and at one point she said, "Well at least you are laughing about it," and I realized yeah, that's true.

At the end she said, "Did you miss your swim?"

"What time is it?"

"10:20AM"

"Nope it goes til 11:30AM."

But by the time I was ready to leave I knew I might miss the swim.  Usually I bike there but it takes me 40 minutes or so to finish the swim so I wasn't sure I would get there in time  so I took the car.  When I got to the lake I didn't do my usual slow entry.  I just went in and started swimming fast, which isn't very fast at all.  Because I'm so slow I usually give myself plenty of time, and today a couple of the lifeguards checked in with me near the end, but I made it - or at least close enough to the end time.

Later this evening I did an hour of phone calls for Ranked Choice Voting which I've meant to get back to.  Most of the time is just dialing and waiting for voicemails to pick up.  But  I did at least talk to a few people.

And a quote of the day -

 "The more time you spend doing nothing, the closer it is when you have to make dinner." Keira

Litany of Complaints

 I was trying to read Glennon Doyle's newest book, Untamed, and she mentioned a time in her life when she didn't know what to do so she spent 10 minutes in her closet each day trying to connect with her knowing.  This made me think, "I should probably do a 10 minute meditation myself right now, because though I am attempting to read this book I am listening to a litany of complaints in my brain."  But then I thought, "I don't want to sit and give my full attention to these complaints." So I resisted for a while but eventually went outside to grab something from the car.  While I was out there I noticed the temp had dropped so I decided to sit there.  I needed nature's help this time, not the enclosed space of my home where the complaints lived.  And I did listen to the litany for a good 9 minutes, but the breeze was gentle and I recalled Thich Nhat Hanh's teaching to take care of your anger - treat it gently and kindly.  So I told my negative emotions I was here to take care of them. Eventually they got the message, calmed down, and I dropped into a quieter place.

 I had started the day disconnected from my partner.  There is a bed at my father's that I want to keep and he doesn't think we need it.  I began with all the practical reasons I think we do.  But ended with the emotional one, which when I told a friend later today made me cry.  With the exception of a dresser, all the furniture here is my partner's.  There isn't much of my father's furniture that I want, but the bed makes sense to me, and so his no feels hurtful.

Then later at my father's house, my brother and I had a communication that felt critical.  I have a friend who was clearing out her parent's house recently and a similar thing happened with her sister.  She'd gotten rid of something her sister wanted.  In my case it's just at a friends so I can easily get it back.  That isn't the issue, it was how we communicated about it.  I am doing my best, but it is impossible to clean out an entire house without making mistakes.  My partner tells me I have too much time on my hands (taking too much time to do this).  And yet if I ask my brother "Do you want this?" about everything, it is exhausting and will take forever. 

I know when I cleared out my mom's place over a decade ago I got rid of these essential oils she had.  In retrospect I would have loved to keep them, but sometimes you just get overwhelmed with things and have to get rid of them.

And then I come home and am crabby/critical because I feel I have to do the same thing here.  My partner said after his divorce his wife took what she wanted and left him with the rest.  And he, quite understandably, at that point in his life didn't have time to go thru it so he just moved it all here.  Since I grew up with a hoarder I find the accumulation of things exhausting and find myself annoyed when my partner comes home with a new purchase, instead of sharing in his enthusiasm.  And Costco (where you often have to buy more than you want) or online orders that require a minimum just drive me over the edge!

I brought a carload of metal from my dad's to the recycling place today.  I had been there once before with wire from my dad's basement.  I was clearly emotionally raw because I began to cry as the man sorted my dad's random metals pieces. It took quite a while and when he was done the man said something like, "Here you go, Ms. Tammy" or "Thank you Ms. Tammy" (they keep your info in the system on an account or something).  Whatever it was - the respect and kindness that came thru that simple sentence felt so nourishing and pure.  I guess mostly because it was so unexpected.

Later, Michael's eldest had a note on this little closet room upstairs.  I had just knocked and told her it was time for dinner and then I saw the note.  Basically it said she didn't want to be disturbed or have dinner she was taking a time out.  "Oh I'm sorry I didn't read this before I knocked," I told her thru the door.

A couple hours later she was making granola bars in the kitchen when I returned from my own time out outside.  "I needed a time out too,"  I told her.

"Where did you go?"

"Just in the yard."