Maybe for Some Reason I Don't Know Is Better

"I don't have to do this," is the thought I had as I pulled into the title company parking lot to sign and hand away the keys to my father's house.

Once I got inside there was the guy from Habitat for Humanity waiting.  We began to talk, and I almost which we could have talked more, but right away they got started with the papers.  Later when I passed the keys to him,

I could not think of anyone else I'd rather pass the house keys too.

I scheduled a visit to our couple's therapist (for just me) after having a dream about my dad a couple weeks ago that was really upsetting.  I've had lots of dreams about him coming back, and being confused if he's dead and what is he going to do since we got rid of his clothes? and his tools?  But this dream was different and I knew the closing on the house would be sad so it seemed like a good plan to make an appointment. I felt ok today, however it was still helpful to talk to her, especially about some unrelated, yet related family things which made me really appreciate my brother, whom I need to call and tell this, because he really helped me a couple weeks ago when I was upset from an extended family member.  I was reminded of this today while talking to the therapist today.  I also thanked our therapist for giving me the nudge to have Michael sleep over at my dad's.  I had wanted to do this, but it had felt hard to get him over there and then the bed was gone so it was too late, but our therapist  encouraged me to.  

Usually when I sleep I like to have my own space, otherwise I'm too conscious of my movements potentially being disturbing.  At my dad's we put two twin mattresses next to each other on the floor, since that was all that was left.  I laid next to him, fully expecting to move over at some point onto my own mattress.  But I ended up sleeping beside him all night.  It was so nurturing to have him beside me and I slept easily and well.  I teared up today when I recounted this, and I thanked our counselor for giving me the nudge to make it happen.

On the way home I stopped at a Swedish store that I've heard of but never been to.  I thought of it when I realized I was probably close by and then there it was.  My co-worker at the election board asked me about it because it isn't far from me and she really likes it.  I've been wondering where I could get the larger packages of flat bread that my father used to have and Michael has started to enjoy since we brought his extras here. I guessed maybe my dad got them at Ikea?  Well, I found a smaller closer option today.

I was disappointed that we were not able to get a camper cabin reservation this winter.  They opened and almost instantly were booked Michael said.  But I called the state parks and found a 2nd option that works, and maybe for some reason I don't know, is better.