Taking Care

#1 - I was listening to something recently talking about women not liking their looks and/or accepting/embracing them.  I hadn't really thought about it before, but I realized some women (or people) exercise because they do not like their body. This thought is so sad to me because I can't imagine that exercise will change that.  I've heard plenty of stories of thin, thin women or beautiful women who think they are the opposite.  And it made me realize maybe part of the reason I've continued exercising over the years is that my primary motivation has nothing to do with looks.  "What did motivate me to start exercising?" I wondered.

Well, in high school every fall when soccer started the running would be so painful and I'd vow to not get so out of shape the next year. I'd have visions in my head of the work-outs I'd do. They remained visions until my junior year of high school, when I started to do some recorded video exercises in my basement over the winter.  Then when I went to college I was excited to take advantage of the free aerobics classes in the fitness center. "What was my motivation then?"  Thinking back it was how it made me feel.  It decreased stress and elevated my mood.

Instead of the guilt that often accompanies health choices, I think there is a lot of potential for just checking in more deeply.

"How will this make me feel?" Not just in the moment but afterwards. It's true that sometimes what feels good in the moment does not feel good afterwards. And what will feel good afterwards may not feel good in the moment.

This also reminds me of in college when they'd have brownies in the cafeteria.  I'd get excited and I'd be in the middle of eating one and already thinking about eating the next one. 

I started enforcing a rule for myself, I could only have the next brownie if I savored the first one. If I just gulped the first one? That's the end of dessert. But if I took my time, I could have another.

Of course that often led to the fact that once I really enjoyed the first one, I was more likely to be satisfied and not need/want another.

Anyway, this was a long tangent in just thinking that my wish for people is to find something in themselves that they can appreciate, like my hands right now deftly typing on this keyboard.  Or my wrists, which a few months ago, were really bothering me, but with some strengthening and stretching, have gotten much better.

#2 - This also made me think of dessert and reminded me I have a piece of cake in the fridge from my brother's neighbor's birthday party.  My brother said it was too sweet.  It is sweet but not as bad as I expected.

#3 - "Snarl" today's wordle which I got on the last guess.

#4 - I just put in the mail the document to add a Transfer on Death Deed to my condo.  Ever since my mom died and I learned how much simpler beneficiaries make everything, I've tried to add them to everything I can.  I hadn't filed one for the condo yet, but I got the document notarized last weekend and I put it in the mail today.

#5 - Finally in March of 2020 I wanted to do something special to honor writing daily gratitudes for 10 years. I found a women's retreat at a place I'd never been during that time that one of the aspects was gratitude.  "That's it," I thought.  

I signed up, however my dad died a couple weeks before the retreat so though I still went, it had a very different feel.  Here is a photo from that weekend.

This spring when I realized I would no longer be going on the Boundary Waters camping trip we had planned I asked, "What am I going to do this summer?"  I went to the retreat center's website and right in the middle of the summer there was a "Writing Thru Change" retreat. That's it.

 Each of the hermitage's has a name.  The first time I went they put me in "Freedom" which felt appropriate with my dad's soul freed from his body.

This summer I tried to request the one named, "Love" but that wasn't an option because a staff person was living in it.  So I chose St. Francis instead.  A hermit off in the woods, probably more appropriate.

Today I called and made a reservation for my 3rd visit.  It seems life is nudging me along and it wasn't until I started writing this that I realized the full extent of this.

Often I use my birthday as an excuse to do something with friends.  Even though it is a couple months away, this year I feel zero energy or initiative in that regard.

On top of that, my father always acknowledges birthdays by taking us out for dinner.  And of course this is no longer possible.

And Michael and the girls certainly won't be doing anything with me.

And my sister-in-law, brother, niece and nephew will all be in Japan.

So I wasn't thinking about all that when I made the reservation, I just saw a retreat during my birthday that appeals to me, based on Brene Brown's book Atlas of the Heart, and I signed up.

And as I was going thru the rustic hermitage options on the phone, for one reason or another they weren't working. Then I said, "Love?"  (I hadn't even been considering it because a few months ago a staff was living there) and the woman said, "Sure".

So my hope is my 3rd visit to this retreat center will be a happier one.  I don't know if that will be the case or not, but I do know I will be staying in Love.