Xmas

Today I did the second coat of paint in the bathroom.

Then I went to the nearby fitness center for a Lift n Pump class.

After lunch I read a little and then laid down and stared out the window for a good 2 hours, maybe a brief nap, mostly just low energy and quiet.

Then during dinner I finished a book I would definitely recommend.

After that I started painting the hallway. While I was painting I realized that while I thought I lost my best friend this year, she has actually been with me this entire time.

And she has a special treat planned for tonight.  She knows I have really been enjoying relaxing to ASMR videos.  My current favorite is LatteASMR. Usually I choose a 30 or 45 minute video.  However she has many long ones, including an hour and 40 minute "Winter Hibernation Clinic," so as a Xmas present

we are going to lay down and do nothing but listen to a relaxing voice, for potentially, 1 hour and 40 minutes tonight.  (Potentially, maybe I'll get my fill.)

What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing

 

 

#1 - I'm going to house/cat sit for a friend this week.  However today I found out the cat is at the vet because there was blood in the stool/urine this AM. Obviously, this isn't a gratitude, however, I AM grateful if the cat is sick, that it presented before my friend left so that I am not trying to make decisions about a pet that isn't mine.  Been there and done that already thank you.

 

 

#2 - I got out for a short ski in the gorgeous conditions yesterday.  The snow was very wet/slow so despite being beautiful they weren't grooming much of the trails (they'd turn to slop).  Today the temps dropped though so the groomers were able to get out and I followed. It seems rare to me that the snow sticks on the trees for a couple days, usually it seems to fall off within a few hours.

 

#3 - As Co-Vid #'s go up I was thinking how I don't have any home tests, but recalled I heard the government is sending out more so I just signed up for some.

 #4 -  There are some papers etc. in a pile around this room that are bugging me and would literally take than 10 minutes to organize, and yet will I do it?  Sometimes I/we are so silly with what we put off.  But writing this was motivation and then I decided to look up a suggestion a friend gave on YouTube Dry Bar Comedy - and I listened while I picked up.

 #5 - I checked out both the book and the audio of What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing. I've really been enjoying the audio as it is largely a conversation between Oprah and Bruce Perry, I tried to pick up in the book today where I'd left off listening and quickly thought, "nope", I'll wait to return to the audio.  Here are a few nuggets from my listening this week.

"Connectedness counters the pull of addictive behaviors.  It is the key." Bruce Perry MD

What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing

"Your connectedness to family, community and culture is more predictive of your mental health than your history of adversity... Connectedness has the power to counterbalance adversity." Bruce Perry

"It's very difficult to meaningfully connect with, or get thru to someone, who is not regulated, and it's nearly impossible to reason with them.  This is why telling someone who is disregulated to 'calm down' never works...it's best if you can simply be present. If you do use words, it's best to restate what they're saying.  This is called reflective listening.  You can't talk someone out of feeling angry, sad or frustrated, but you can be a sponge and absorb their emotional intensity.  If you stay regulated, ultimately, they will catch your calm..." Bruce Perry

This reminds me of my/our first therapist telling me it's not my job to regulate my partner, it's the therapist's job.  And that I needed to look at my boundaries and codependency.

Yet we all do regulate each other at times so I'm still confused by this.  Is it just a matter of frequency?  If your partner relies on you to regulate then it's a problem?

Nourishment

#1- I may have had this one as a gratitude before.  I've been listening to it for a while.  Today I needed it again though and it brought some tears when I listened right before lunch, so I'll return to it.

#2 -  

#3 -

#4 - Those were new to me, but for some classics

#5 -

Do Not Stand For Too Long

 #1 - I'm not sure why this song makes me cry...the compassion?

#2 - "Do Not Stand For Too Long Before a Surface that Keeps Your Faults Hidden"- Rumi? 

 I've had this quote lodged in my head since I first heard it 20 years ago.  I thought it might be Rumi but I just tried to do a search and can't seem to find the author.  I was going to write about that in a reflective holiday letter I sent out, however the letter ended up coming out as a poem and that quote never made it in there.

I was thinking of it today as I would have liked to come home to a hug and a snuggle conversation on the couch.  I was quite sad about this earlier in the day.  However, by the time I got home I was feeling pretty content and though I knew I wouldn't be opening the door to a hug, I also know I wouldn't be opening the door to anger or someone in a bad mood.  (That isn't a comment in reference to anyone, rather simply the fact that we all have moods.  If you are living with other people you never know the energy of the house you'll walk into.)

So there is also a bit of peace in the home I walk into.

In that peace all ones faults can be hidden.

Sometimes it's nice to have a break from one's faults :).

#3- I had a job interview today for that job I mentioned debating applying for a while back.

This is why I wanted a hug, before and after, encouragement and comfort.

#4 - It went well, I have positive impressions of the people and think it would be a good fit.

#5 - After I went cross-country skiing for the first time this season.  I did this because

A. We just got our first good snowfall and tomorrow looks like much of it will melt.

B.  I knew after the interview it would be good to ground myself in my body and in some nature. It was sad at first, I miss having a partner who was such a lover of the outdoors in all seasons, even more than I am.  Most of my life I've cross-country skied alone, however this is something he and I regularly did together.

The trees were there as they always are, watching me ignore them, watching me watch the script constantly running in my mind.  Occasionally a moment of space breaking thru, when I'd see them

when I'd see things as they are

and they are alright.