What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing

 

 

#1 - I'm going to house/cat sit for a friend this week.  However today I found out the cat is at the vet because there was blood in the stool/urine this AM. Obviously, this isn't a gratitude, however, I AM grateful if the cat is sick, that it presented before my friend left so that I am not trying to make decisions about a pet that isn't mine.  Been there and done that already thank you.

 

 

#2 - I got out for a short ski in the gorgeous conditions yesterday.  The snow was very wet/slow so despite being beautiful they weren't grooming much of the trails (they'd turn to slop).  Today the temps dropped though so the groomers were able to get out and I followed. It seems rare to me that the snow sticks on the trees for a couple days, usually it seems to fall off within a few hours.

 

#3 - As Co-Vid #'s go up I was thinking how I don't have any home tests, but recalled I heard the government is sending out more so I just signed up for some.

 #4 -  There are some papers etc. in a pile around this room that are bugging me and would literally take than 10 minutes to organize, and yet will I do it?  Sometimes I/we are so silly with what we put off.  But writing this was motivation and then I decided to look up a suggestion a friend gave on YouTube Dry Bar Comedy - and I listened while I picked up.

 #5 - I checked out both the book and the audio of What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing. I've really been enjoying the audio as it is largely a conversation between Oprah and Bruce Perry, I tried to pick up in the book today where I'd left off listening and quickly thought, "nope", I'll wait to return to the audio.  Here are a few nuggets from my listening this week.

"Connectedness counters the pull of addictive behaviors.  It is the key." Bruce Perry MD

What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing

"Your connectedness to family, community and culture is more predictive of your mental health than your history of adversity... Connectedness has the power to counterbalance adversity." Bruce Perry

"It's very difficult to meaningfully connect with, or get thru to someone, who is not regulated, and it's nearly impossible to reason with them.  This is why telling someone who is disregulated to 'calm down' never works...it's best if you can simply be present. If you do use words, it's best to restate what they're saying.  This is called reflective listening.  You can't talk someone out of feeling angry, sad or frustrated, but you can be a sponge and absorb their emotional intensity.  If you stay regulated, ultimately, they will catch your calm..." Bruce Perry

This reminds me of my/our first therapist telling me it's not my job to regulate my partner, it's the therapist's job.  And that I needed to look at my boundaries and codependency.

Yet we all do regulate each other at times so I'm still confused by this.  Is it just a matter of frequency?  If your partner relies on you to regulate then it's a problem?