The Dakota

 There is a nightclub that I had on a date night list, that date never happened, but I went to the club last month for the first time.  It was/is such a pleasant (and romantic) atmosphere.  I saw that a local musician I'd heard play for free in the parks was playing there soon, so I bought two tickets and figured I could find someone to join me.

I asked two people before I arrived at the perfect guest, a family member of mine who has gone thru a recent break-up.  The perfect date.

The artist was Sarah Morris and there were a few songs I especially enjoyed.  However since I am not very familiar with her music the only one I actually recall is the final one with "Kindness like Confetti..."

 Oh and another song/line I liked was something like, "Some people run at the first sign of trouble and then wonder why they are surrounded by so much rubble."

My family member was the perfect date and it reminds me that thru pain there are gifts too.  We can talk to each other and share our perspectives at our current stage in the journey in a very relevant way. 

We also tried to do a quick ice skate beforehand, but the first rink we went to had broomball games and the second rink was full of uncleared snow.  My family member still pretended to skate and said, "I haven't done any winter activities yet," so she moved as if she could.

 And when I said I was going to bed, she asked if I wanted a back rub.  "I won't refuse that," I responded.  I heard a weird sound and said, "What's that?" Then realized it was Krishna Das.  "I'm figuring you out," she said.  Somehow knowing I'd find that relaxing music.

To Kill a Mockingbird

 I have been looking forward to today for quite a while.  My former partner's daughters and I were going to the play To Kill a Mockingbird as an Xmas gift.  I was also having them over for brunch beforehand, the first time they'd been to my place.

I woke up with some sneezes Friday and became paranoid it wouldn't happen.  Last summer Co-Vid got in the way of me seeing them a couple times.

It ended up being anti-climatic.  I think it was the scarcity that made it seem such a big deal. Despite my wanting to see them and spend time with them, it is also sad and hard.  It makes me want to talk to their father, because who else would more want to hear about time with his daughters?

They are both playing spring sports and said they'd send me their schedules, so that is a nice way I can hopefully pop into their lives on occasion.

I sent a radon test home with them.  I just tested my condo and was very surprised the levels were high as there are fans running constantly in the bath (that I can't turn off).  I know their dad is still sleeping in the basement until his room is ready and the last time I talked to him I mentioned I was doing a radon test and he hadn't yet.

So there is beauty in all this and sadness too.  It just continues.

I went to soccer after and got hit in the eye.  Not the first time.  Usually the pain goes away quick, but it still hurts a little.  I know I could just take an ibuprofen and maybe I will at bedtime. The body is designed so well to protect.

So today was gifts and sadness/missing.  When I got home I went to my email and had a long message from a friend whom I've recently reconnected with because she's in a relationship that may be ending. So writing back to her became my connection.

 

One Leaves, Another Arrives

My freshman roommate from college and I are still friends. Over the last 25 years I've visited her on occasion.  She has never visited me or initiated a visit, besides possibly her first baby's shower.

Last night she stayed here.  It was quite a surprise as I didn't know she was coming until yesterday morning.  I had invited her because a few local friends (which she knew back in college) were coming over for a (board) game night.  I belatedly decided to invite her too despite it being highly unlikely because

A. She has never followed thru on my invitations to visit me before.

B. She lives a few hours away.

Yesterday AM I awoke to an email she was coming.

This AM we discussed paint colors for my kitchen cabinets, took a walk and went to a yoga class. At some point during or after the yoga class I realized the fog of sadness was no longer behind me, for the moment at least.

My friend left around 1:30pm and now I'm waiting for my cousin to arrive.  My cousin also called yesterday, that she was visiting a friend in town and could hang out with me today.  I don't know if that is for a couple hours, or if she plans to stay the night.

Either way I feel blessed to have space (both physical and time wise) for visitors

and blessed to have loved ones to use it.

Boys and The Book of Qualities

 I'm having a sleepover with my friend's kids.  Tonight they were a bit rambunctious and loud.  I found myself not fully enjoying or connecting.  Just being aware of this is important and I said a little prayer "I'm not fully enjoying this, please help me meet them." 

 They switched the radio station and it had a bunch of commercials and then the oldest said, "Do you know you have a friend in the diamond business?" and I burst out laughing.  I don't know why it was funny, something in me just released.

I think my opening to not being open was the key.  Not that it fixed everything, they were still a bit louder than I was in the mood for, but when we did our tooth brushing dance party I gave it my all. And when we crawled into bed they immediately quieted down.

Last time they slept here we read an entire short novel Jonathan Livingston Seagull.  The youngest today said it was his favorite book.

Tonight their mother asked that they get to bed early, because the youngest has a sleepover tomorrow night when he won't get much sleep.  I brought in the Book of Qualities and I loved how they leaned in to read along.  I asked them to pick the quality they were feeling right now to read.  The oldest picked "Pain" because he has a canker sore. The youngest picked "Joy." I picked "Innocence" because of how open they were to read a book of poetic interpretations of feelings.