Next level

#1 - Maybe a morning like today, 7 or so years ago, I felt so directionless/lost after my soccer game. I couldn't figure out where to go or what to do with myself.  Then I stopped at the library and checked my email and there was a very intense angry message from my former partner. "Oh, that's why I feel so off today," I suddenly understood.

 I mention that because today I felt a little similarly, a little, I had a morning game at that location/same time of year and I just was in a weird space afterwards.  Not like last time. I don't feel any anger, just in a different space.  In the afternoon I pulled out a 2016 journal and was reading/reflecting a bit on that time. Soon enough, I got a phone call from a friend who broke up with her boyfriend, then got back together, now might be breaking up.

I was in a receptive/relatable place to take the phone call.

#2 - And afterwards it all made sense, I love that I had just been sitting there quietly for quite a while really doing hardly anything.  It was almost as if I was waiting for that call. #3 - After I had the energy to start prepping a vegetarian lasagna and I've had a very content evening.

#4 - Here is a quote from my 8 year old nephew that I sent to a couple friends today.  He heard a song on the radio yesterday - Wham Last Christmas

"This song is really old

It is from the 18's."

(he meant the 80's)

 #5 - And though I highly value having people in life that I feel connected to, this video reminded me that someone without a strong personal attachment to other people (or that is the impression I got), can do a hell of a lot of good.

A whole nother level

 

"Unbelievably frugal" Indianapolis man left $13 million to charities

Seeds and Fruit

 The winter after my mom died she got a postcard in the mail about an annual volunteer/donation  event.  I highly doubt it was something she was ever a part of, so I don't know how she got on the mailing list, but I took the nudge and went.

It is put on by a non-profit in a lower income neighborhood.  They ask for a variety of new donated inexpensive gifts which are then sorted by volunteers (all the gifts for toddlers in one section etc).  For $1 a child (or parent for the child) can buy a ticket and with that ticket the child (with parental help) writes down five names and ages of  people the child will "shop" for.

Today was that annual gift sale. I think I've been doing this for the past 15 or so years.  

The first few years I was more involved as I helped sort gifts before the sale and helped on the sale day.  They didn't have it in 2020 or 2021.  I was there last year, but going this year I was feeling rather ambivalent about it/disconnected I guess.  However I walked in the door and I heard, "Tammy we're so glad you are here." (I have no idea the person's name who said that to me.)  Then another person said, "Jim says what a great job you do in the auditorium."

Basically the first few years I volunteered at the event day I had a minor roll walking kids from one building to the other. However one year, a key person was sick and I ended up in the auditorium and it was a situation where someone had to take charge and I did.  

I forget that part of myself, because it doesn't come out a lot.  However there were maybe up to 100 kids waiting and they had to be kept in order (or parents start freaking out) and there were a few demanding parents, and I took over and kept things going.  

Ever since then I've had that role.

Last year was a lot more chill.  They've expanded the building where it is held, and maybe reduced the number of kids?  I'm not sure, but it wasn't a big deal last year.

Today went pretty smooth, though at one point we did have a backlog of kids and a few parental complaints to handle. Afterwards at least two random people came up to me and said, "You are good at that." I find this mind boggling, basically all it takes is a plan, clear communication, boundaries, and a bit of smiles and kindness with the kids.  I do often look at the other adults in the room and think, "Just be clear!"  I don't know, I guess that is how are strengths go, they just come naturally so it is hard to understand other people not getting it.

I know my dad felt that way about many mechanical things that were beyond me.

So I was more than grateful to have shown up today.  After I got home I thought I'd just lay on the floor and rest, however I wanted to clean the kitchen floor and I still had the vacuum in there from this morning when I broke a glass.

I ended up looking up how to clean the compressor on the refrigerator, something I've never done before but heard of. And then I cleaned the prints off the front of the fridge AND cleaned the floor.

So now I'm going to have dinner and then head off to another annual event.  It is the kirtan and Rumi poetry night I've been attending for years.  Although, I don't think they had it  in 2020 and 2021 and last year I missed it so it's been a while. The organizer usually remembers me there too though, because I am one of the few people that recites by memory (instead of reads) a Rumi poem. It is an event I introduced my former partner to, and one he enjoys. I know he went last year and he may be there tonight, so it is especially nice that one of my cousins has been listening to some kirtan music and when I mentioned it to her, said she'd like to attend with me.

The Spaces You Inhabit

 #1 - There is a woman (originally from Belgium) living in Italy whose perspective/blog I always enjoy.  I was especially fascinated when she posted places they were looking to buy to live.  I found it fascinating how different things were/seemed.  They did eventually move, and today she posted videos of the place.  I greatly enjoyed seeing their home and I am ESPECIALLY happy to see it has light.  I remember one of the options they were considering that I thought if the doors were closed would feel like a tomb.

http://centaurwalking.blogspot.com/

#2 - I started a new job a little under a year ago.  One of my first pleasant surprises was that the meals provided during my training would all be vegetarian!  (If the organization provides food it is vegetarian so that it is kosher.)

A month or so ago we received an email about the annual "holiday" party.  I looked at my schedule and saw my home visits with families conflicted. It was a relief, I didn't even have to try to go.  But then...last week we got an email with the details of the holiday party and it's going to be games! They are asking people to sign up to bring games to play.  Suddenly I wanted to go!!  I emailed my coordinator and asked if I could reschedule my 2 conflicting families to attend and she said yes.

Then today in our weekly staff meeting we watched

How Full is Your Bucket? For Kids by Tom Rath and Mary Reckmeyer

https://youtu.be/mWe6Z3zFwoA?si=H9BIkTln9HueCWT6

This was a sweet story and one I want to read to my niece and nephew.  Since we work with families that wasn't so unusual. 

#3 - However, after the story we did a very "Tammy activity". We each put our name three times into a bucket and then pulled three names from the bucket.  On drops of paper we were supposed to write something we appreciated about each name we received, or if we didn't know the person, we could write a question to them of something we'd like to learn about them. #4 - After I wrote my 3, there were extra drops of paper you could write additional gratitudes if you wanted. I decided to write one for my coordinator/manager.  I don't remember exactly what I wrote, but it was something about how I've had plenty of challenging people in my life, however for whatever reason, I've always been blessed by great managers.  I wanted to thank her for continuing that trend and also say how much I appreciated being able to be fully myself.  

What was funny was, I didn't realize until I was about to write this.  I received 4 drops.  It was pretty obvious to me the 3 people that were assigned to write drops about me.  I really appreciated one that said for example, "I love your calm firm energy," however I hardly ever talk to this person, so I'm sure she wouldn't have written that to me without being assigned my name.  I mention this because, just like I made an extra effort to write my coordinator a note, she also clearly made the effort to write me a note, and this is what she wrote,

#5 - "I really appreciate how you show up as your full self in the spaces you inhabit."

Coincidence?