Song on repeat today
Quick Reminder - one of the best remedies for apathy and dis-empowerment...participation.
Today I went to my state capitol for a lobbying day with the non-profit that I work with. First we met with my state representative, whom I am reminded, is a kind and genuine man. I've only lived in this district for a couple years, so he is relatively new to me, however I met him when he door knocked with the campaign my friend was running to pass ranked choice voting. I left that brief meeting today reassured he has citizens' best interests at heart and is a sincere public servant.
Then we met with my state senator, whom I feel a bit more
ambivalent about, but it was still good to advocate for our program. (I
was not happy with his stance on Israel last year). Apparently the CEO
of where I work lives in my same senate
district, so she did most of the talking at that meeting. She announced
yesterday that after 32 years at our organization and 20 years as CEO
she is retiring at the end of this year. I've never had the chance to
interact with her personally, but I overheard her say today, that after
the announcement went out yesterday, it was crickets. I imagine staff
were surprised and also didn't want to overwhelm her inbox. Since
she said this, after the meeting with the senator I told her how honored
I have been to work at an organization where I have such genuine
respect for the leadership. I really mean this, and it reminds me leadership matters.
After the meeting I saw state senator John Marty in the hallway. "John!" I called. He was clearly in a hurry, but as he kept walking I called out the name of a retreat center so he could place me. I have long been a John Marty fan. I supported both of his campaigns for governor. Then last summer I had the chance to interact with him personally when he was on the teaching staff at the retreat center where I spent the summer on staff. He and I arrived there on the same train. I am so happy he is still a part of our government and my spirit was renewed to see him at the capitol!
It doesn't take much. I spent 2 hours at the capitol today, and was reminded - all is not lost.
All is not lost.
For over 20 years I've wanted to visit Oregon/Portland. Portland being the only city in the U.S. I can think of that I'm curious to visit (public transit, parks etc.) It never felt like a trip I wanted to take solo however. After my trip to Michigan 2 summers ago I thought, "Where can I go next year to surround myself with beauty?"
"Oregon," was my instant response. "But that's not a trip I want to take alone," I thought, despite having just had a fabulous 10 days alone.
I ended up going to Washington instead.
Well, now it seems I've been nudged/tricked into finally taking matters into my own hands and planning this trip by myself. Today a guide arrived in the mail
Lastly, after making a friend, you don't know if they are a friend for a season or more long term. The woman I did most of my hiking with last summer went home to a different city than I, so it may have been a friendship for a season. However she is in a transition point and likes writing, so we've been meeting online or just over the phone on occasion for writing practice. We write and then we share what we've written. I love how this can steer conversations into a beautiful and deep place and I'm grateful to have someone that, thus far, whenever I send a message, "I need to write this week, do any of these days work?"
She says, "Yes."
#1 - Well the ENT cancelled my appt today. The next available was over a month away, so I went to a Minute Clinic after all. She said I have narrow ear canals, which is why they probably get blocked at times. My ear is better, but I'm not sure it is clear. I couldn't tell in the clinic because it still had water in it. We'll see. I gave the appointment 30 minutes before I had to leave for a home visit. I figured if it was running late I would just cancel and do it another day. They took me in about 10 minutes late, which was fine, however the first person did paperwork stuff, took my vitals etc and then sent me back out to wait again. At this point I would have left, because I was most likely going to be late, but according to insurance etc I already had my visit so I didn't know what to do. I remembered, "Stress is wanting things to be different than they are," Tolle. So I attempted to accept things were as they were and do what I could. I texted the mom it was likely I'd be late. She responded, "No problem." I've worked with this family a year and a half and during that time, if I've been late it has been only by a minute or 2. I reminded myself of this. Though intellectually I knew it was ok, being late is a real trigger for me. There was a lot of yelling and stress around this issue as a child, so that just comes up automatically. And despite still feeling that today, I was able to watch it/be aware of it/and practice accepting it.
#2 - I just started reading Fight Right - How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection. I thought it might be a heavy read, but so far I'm enjoying it. Conflict did not lead to connection in my upbringing. So I'm trying to relearn this as well. A couple months ago I had a conflict/misunderstanding (via texts) with one of the moms I work with. It was uncomfortable and stressful, but I did have the capacity to remind myself at the time, "this is an opportunity." This is a parent, that in general, isn't the easiest for me to connect with, and I have learned enough to know that conflict can lead to connection. So I took some deep breaths, practiced curiosity and we were able to meet at a place of understanding.
#3 - I've started eating smoothies again, as I have concluded they don't seem to have anything to do with my teeth staining. I was hungry late this afternoon and I was excited to have it as a snack. I have a new tooth staining suspect which I'm hoping pans out, but it is too soon to say.
#4 - "For many people, the main source of suffering in their lives, in many cases, is relationships, in other people, but we learn thru that. The other people give you a reflection of your state of consciousness, of where you're at. And the greatest freedom comes the moment you realize you can meet another human being, who may be unconscious, which means identified with their mind, but he or she does not drag you into unconsciousness, you can stay present. That's enormous, you are no longer dependent on another person's state of consciousness. You begin to experience freedom. And then you can stay present with a very unconscious person. It's challenging, but then you grow in consciousness.
But the wonderful thing is, I remember after I experienced a shift in consciousness, I always had a resentment towards my father, certain things he did. And so suddenly I met my father again after going thru this shift and there was no longer any resentment. He still had the same patterns of behavior, but I no longer demanded that he should behave differently. I realized he couldn't behave differently.
Eckhart Tolle on Finding Your Identity, Meaning & Purpose in Life around minute 1:10:00
#5 - This is something my cousin and I were just talking about, so I look forward to sharing this with her.
