#1 - Well the ENT cancelled my appt today. The next available was over a month away, so I went to a Minute Clinic after all. She said I have narrow ear canals, which is why they probably get blocked at times. My ear is better, but I'm not sure it is clear. I couldn't tell in the clinic because it still had water in it. We'll see. I gave the appointment 30 minutes before I had to leave for a home visit. I figured if it was running late I would just cancel and do it another day. They took me in about 10 minutes late, which was fine, however the first person did paperwork stuff, took my vitals etc and then sent me back out to wait again. At this point I would have left, because I was most likely going to be late, but according to insurance etc I already had my visit so I didn't know what to do. I remembered, "Stress is wanting things to be different than they are," Tolle. So I attempted to accept things were as they were and do what I could. I texted the mom it was likely I'd be late. She responded, "No problem." I've worked with this family a year and a half and during that time, if I've been late it has been only by a minute or 2. I reminded myself of this. Though intellectually I knew it was ok, being late is a real trigger for me. There was a lot of yelling and stress around this issue as a child, so that just comes up automatically. And despite still feeling that today, I was able to watch it/be aware of it/and practice accepting it.
#2 - I just started reading Fight Right - How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection. I thought it might be a heavy read, but so far I'm enjoying it. Conflict did not lead to connection in my upbringing. So I'm trying to relearn this as well. A couple months ago I had a conflict/misunderstanding (via texts) with one of the moms I work with. It was uncomfortable and stressful, but I did have the capacity to remind myself at the time, "this is an opportunity." This is a parent, that in general, isn't the easiest for me to connect with, and I have learned enough to know that conflict can lead to connection. So I took some deep breaths, practiced curiosity and we were able to meet at a place of understanding.
#3 - I've started eating smoothies again, as I have concluded they don't seem to have anything to do with my teeth staining. I was hungry late this afternoon and I was excited to have it as a snack. I have a new tooth staining suspect which I'm hoping pans out, but it is too soon to say.
#4 - "For many people, the main source of suffering in their lives, in many cases, is relationships, in other people, but we learn thru that. The other people give you a reflection of your state of consciousness, of where you're at. And the greatest freedom comes the moment you realize you can meet another human being, who may be unconscious, which means identified with their mind, but he or she does not drag you into unconsciousness, you can stay present. That's enormous, you are no longer dependent on another person's state of consciousness. You begin to experience freedom. And then you can stay present with a very unconscious person. It's challenging, but then you grow in consciousness.
But the wonderful thing is, I remember after I experienced a shift in consciousness, I always had a resentment towards my father, certain things he did. And so suddenly I met my father again after going thru this shift and there was no longer any resentment. He still had the same patterns of behavior, but I no longer demanded that he should behave differently. I realized he couldn't behave differently.
Eckhart Tolle on Finding Your Identity, Meaning & Purpose in Life around minute 1:10:00
#5 - This is something my cousin and I were just talking about, so I look forward to sharing this with her.
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