#2 - Waking up after a good, long, peaceful night's sleep in a tent. I had a couple panic attacks while camping last summer. The first at night in the tent during a thunderstorm, the second at night in the tent when the wind blew (but no storm came). So this year I've been on edge about camping and reminding my body that it loves it, not to fear it. This weekend there were storms forecast during camping, which happened Friday night. Thankfully they never got too close or intense, but I still had a hard time for a while. Last night, storms were also a possibility, but they didn't come and I was so happy to fall asleep easily, and sleep peacefully the entire night.
#3 - I passed our extra kindling on to a family camping beside us before we left. Occasionally someone will be surprised that I camp alone (sometimes), I always find the only people who express such fears to me are people who don't camp. Here are the encounters we had with other people at our campground.
First, one of my friends ran into a family she is really close to. We were over 4 hours from home and here at the same campground, without her knowledge, are people she loves and trusts. Then the people at the site next to ours, without a word between us, gave us some kindling, they said it was hard to get the logs started for a fire. Then while we were at the first someone with a headlamp approached our site to ask if we had any salt or pepper. Nope.
#4 - When we were getting ready to leave the campsite I motioned my friends over and initiated a group hug and a thank you to the trees, the earth and the sky.
#5 - On the drive home one of my friends made a comment about me. Soon after I realized it hurt my feelings. I became curious about my reaction. Yep this is what I do, I stuff it. I know it wasn't a big deal or intentional so I just act as if nothing happens even though, inside, I'm in pain. Hmm. Then I started feeling down on myself for reacting that way. "What can I do differently?" I decided to wait until we stopped as I was sitting in front and she in back. Then I put my arm around her and said, "I know you didn't mean to hurt me, but when you said...I felt hurt."
And then it was gone. It was that simple.
I don't think I would have ever done that if I hadn't been doing all the work I have been with the guy I'm dating. And the remarkable thing was I no longer had to carry it with me. It was gone.
And later my friend said she hadn't meant to be hurtful, which I knew, which is why I didn't want to say anything. Well that and admitting your hurt is a vulnerable thing, especially if it seems small and like you, "shouldn't be" or are "too sensitive".
As Brene Brown says, "Vulnerability is courage."
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