Tasks and Energy

 It's interesting how there are the tasks and the energy...what I mean is looking for and at homes and their disclosures etc takes time for sure, but the more difficult part is the energy I think.  Last weekend we had a couple homes we were really excited about and then disappointed by - and that felt draining.  Then we unexpectedly found a home we really liked and made an offer on, but someone else offered more money, 100% cash and no inspection, up and down. I was so tired at the end of last weekend.

Last night we looked at a home and tomorrow we have a few more, but at the moment I'm not invested/that hopeful about any of them, so it takes time still, but less energy.

Today I am going to spend some time with my niece and nephew because I miss them, and they are going to Japan for a couple weeks soon.  I'm very grateful they'll get to see their family there, grandparents etc. because it's been two and a half years. I wonder if the youngest even remembers he has a grandmother and grandfather there.  This feels especially important to me now since he has neither still living here.

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This morning when I shoveled I heard the birds singing their spring songs, Michael had mentioned hearing them yesterday. I love the fresh snow for cross-country skiing, and I don't see too much melting or rain in the near future so I hope to enjoy it, at the same time the spring songs were refreshing.

I'm grateful to do a few errands- bank, donate a monitor etc. and not have anything pressing so this feels rushed.  Then maybe I'll get my niece to make a birthday card with me for Michael's eldest.

Also I'm grateful to have dropped a home off our tour tomorrow.  I debated about it when I first saw it - it had the basics of what we need/want, and it's in a great location, but I dislike the house.  I saw Michael added it to the list, so ok we'll see it, but then I was reading the inspection report and it was getting worse and worse and I said finally, "I hate this house.  Can we please remove this house I hate it?"

"Why do you hate it?" he asked. I hated so much about it I couldn't even begin to state it. 

 Finally I said, "It's basically that rambler in Richfield that I didn't like, but without the remodel. I didn't like the updated version, so I hate this version.  Is that enough of an explanation?"

"Yes."

We took it off.

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And as I searched for a 5th gratitude today I found it from the book I am reading Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown.  She is writing about humiliation on page 148 and mentioned a report about 10 prominent school shooters in the 90's - all of them had had events with peers/school that had profound humiliation.

This reminds me of a story Glennon Doyle tells of an elementary teacher who every Friday would ask her students to list a couple of names of other kids they wanted to sit next to. They may or may not get to sit next to them, but she'd elicit their requests for the new seating chart. 

What this teacher was looking for were kids whose names were never mentioned, kids who may feel excluded or lonely, so she could intervene.