Here is What I Do

I was gazing at the idyllic beauty of the photo in my last week's post and wondering if I had taken it in.

Upon reflection, definitely not, because that photo was taken at dusk, and at dusk the mosquitos arrive like a squadron. So I may have glanced at that beauty, but if I were outside I was most likely racing for the tent.

Many of the logistics after my father's death I find confusing.  Today's example.  After he died his car insurance bill came.  I called them and since I didn't have a death certificate yet, and I was a listed driver on the insurance, they told me just to pay it/keep it as it was for now.  Today I finally called again since to update it since the next bill would be fairly soon.  She said she'd send me paperwork to get the insurance in my name, and she did not ask for the death certificate.  So I don't know why we didn't do this in the first place.

Oh well, at least I finally made this phone call. (#1).

I also signed up to volunteer at the George Floyd memorial as our family activity for August (#2).

I harvested some kale from our garden for the first time this year (#3).

I picked up some books I've had on reserve from the library (waiting) for a long time - renting a home, estimating rehab costs etc (#4).

I was out of sorts at lunch time and ended up stopping somewhere I'd never been before - a cute little shop that I was happy to support near the co-op where I was headed for groceries (#5).

And I've been, more or less in a sad or frustrated space today, but here I am anyway.  Here is what I do.

Simple Words

#1 - I applied for a job with the county this morning and got an email later today that there is another position, similar but different, that they are looking to hire for quickly and if you want to be considered for the other one as well to email them. I did and do. And am almost more excited about that position because it is related to housing instead of education and I have more to learn in that area.

#2 - My partner talked to the financial planner he encouraged me to talk to earlier this year. The conversation was mostly retirement planning and different scenarios on how to be able to retire and what numbers he needs to shoot for. It was a very helpful conversation and he loves data and specific goals, so hopefully that will be a motivator.

#3 - My partner's youngest, besides our camping trip, has basically been on the couch reading all summer. The one activity her mom found that gets her out of the house is a weekly one hour horseback riding lesson. I took her there for the second time today and brought my niece and nephew along to watch. I think it's good for her to be the expert and explain about the horses to them.

#4 - When we got home the oldest had a linguine dinner ready. Since we're all home so much we've started asking each of the girls to cook one dinner a week.

#5 - Finally I didn't appreciate the way my partner spoke to me this AM (which no surprise which was a response for the way I'd communicated to him). Once I better understood the way my communication was ineffective I apologized about it. I asked him to apologize as well and he was reluctant saying I may have heard it contemptuously, but he didn't mean it that way. I said it didn't matter, if I heard it in a hurtful way, it was still hurtful. I reminded him of a time at the end of our trip when I said his daughter's name in a way that she immediately responded, "WHAT?!!" because it sounded like I'd said her name in snappy/yelling way - both to my partner, her and his other daughter. I gave that as an examples saying, "I apologized for that right away even though I'd said it completely innocently it just came out wrong. Or at least I think I apologized." Because I wasn't 100% sure I went into the living room, found his daughter and said, "Do you remember on our trip when I said your name in a way you thought was critical?" She didn't remember at first, but her sister was sitting right there and seemed to. "Well I'm not sure if I apologized for that.."
"You did apologize," she began.
"Well, I just want to be sure. I'm sorry for the tone of voice I used, I can understand how that felt hurtful." And to my surprise, saying this simple thing to his daughter made my eyes begin to tear.

Just Be Friends

#1 - 5 Year old nephew - "I'm not going to get married when I grow up - just be friends. Right Koko?"

9 Year old niece - "I'm going to live alone."

Nephew - "We can live far apart from each other."

#2 - When deciding what to do with my mother's china, my brother offered it to my eldest cousin. To my surprise, she said she'd take it. I found a card from my mom to her parents that said the china was a wedding gift from her parents. My cousin got married last summer so now it can be a wedding gift to her from =grandparents that she never met.

#3 - We had a visit from a super friendly realtor to get a market value of my dad's house "as is". She was very complimentary of my father and said his fuse box was, "the neatest fuse box I've ever seen".

#4 - She also commented on all his trinkets (for fixing things). I said I didn't know what to do with them, "like this" I nudged something heavy with my foot. The man with her said, "That's a railroad tie."

"What do I do with it? Does the Habitat home store take such things?"

"I don't know they take lots of odd stuff. I live on a farm I could take it for you and find a use for it."

"Yes, please!"

And he gave us a dozen fresh eggs in exchange.

#5 - She also said even though the house couldn't be rented as is she'd give us a number for that. We had another realtor come over previously and he didn't seem nearly as knowledgable about these details. The woman was clearly familiar with the area (had sold two of the houses on my dad's block) and the prices and regulations.

Mudro - One More Time

Last August I wrote a long post about our attempted trip to the Boundary Waters Canoe Area. The trip ended before it began after the engine in our car failed and we arrived home the same day via tow truck.

On Saturday July 4th we tried again. Was the engine issue because of a fault in the engine or because the car was overloaded? Would our trip be waylaid by CoVid, or even worse by one of us getting sick while we were in the wilderness and if so how would we get back?

Superhuman cape or drying out after a storm?

If you look closely at this photo you may spot a 12 year old who decided to swim from our campsite to Canada.  (She was wearing a PFD during her escape.)

Wire

One of the items in my dad's workroom is electrical wire, quite a bit of electrical wire. Last week I was so excited to find somewhere that takes it for recycling. However Michael told me they will ship it across the world and melt it down and...he suggested the Habitat for Humanity Restore. I had already tried that with a previous suggestion of his and they were not interested in what I brought, so I was not too hopeful about them taking it. But today I stopped by with a small trunkful of electrical wire and they took it!

And in an additional note, we are corresponding with someone at Habitat about what we are going to do with my dad's home. It is nice to deal with people who are up front. Today we arranged a time for a realtor to come out and access a home value.

Looking thru stuff at my parents I found this classy black and white photo. I remember the relative on the left visiting with his son (the 3rd from left) when I was a child. They were from California and I remember sitting in the backyard with the son during a lightning storm. We were facing opposite directions and pointing out whenever there was lightning. He had never seen lightning before!

I asked my uncle how they are related to us, but my uncle isn't sure. I do think the man on the left is probably standing next to his mother. The three of us on the right are me, my mother and my little brother.

I also remembered when they visited when the boy was a teenager that he smoked and how surprised I was by that. I was in fact a bit horrified, my parents didn't think it was a good idea, but seemed to be more understanding that teenagers sometimes did such things.

Michael has a small retirement pension/annuity that is offering a cash out option. I did not have a very helpful response when he first told me about it. "If they are offering it, it is certainly because it benefits them not us!" Luckily we had found a fiduciary advisor after my dad died to consult and had a positive experience with him, so today we spoke to him about the annuity/pension and I'm grateful for that conversation.

Finally, I left the house this AM in an attempt to go for a jog. The air was so thick I only jogged 1/2 block and then turned into a walk. Oh well, it was still a nice walk. I saw a house or two with fans in the windows - no AC - and am reminded not to take that luxury for granted, even though Michael just got upset with me for turning the temperature up (he is working upstairs in the hottest room during the day).

In The Mail

#1 - I finally put my dad's 2019 taxes in the mail.

#2 - I've felt quite unproductive over at his house recently with the two rooms I haven't touched (his work room and the garage). I walk in, and then I walk out. I don't know what to do with that stuff. I don't know what stuff should be thrown away. I don't know what stuff could be useful and where to take it. Today I did another round upstairs. Nearing the final load of his laundry. We started emptying his closet a little earlier than I wanted to, mostly because I knew what to do with the stuff in there, but then I was sad so I left the last of his clothes. I also emptied two shelving cabinets in the living room that I am really hoping someone will want. My brother has been doing a great job of posting things on CraigsList but so far no one has bit on that, maybe some new photos without our personal items in it will help.

#3 - My partner is talking to a member of his family on the phone in the background. I always appreciate when he reaches out to them as they don't communicate too frequently.

#4 - I think I just signed up to be an election judge for the first time. I say "I think" because it said I needed to sign up for training but then didn't give me any training options so who knows. I originally put my name down for this before the whole CoVid thing blew up, but now it seems especially important since most of the election judges are retirees and may not feel comfortable doing this.

#5 - I have read a woman's blog - first from the border of Belgium/France and now from Italy - for close to ten years now. She took a break from writing for a couple weeks because she was so busy with translation work. But she just posted about how happy she was to be writing again - to the 6 or so people who read it - and how appreciative she was and I feel the same way. I genuinely appreciate her perspective, I always have, but this became especially true with the virus this spring and getting her firsthand perspective of things in Italy.


http://centaurwalking.blogspot.com/

Willow River State Park

For the past 5 years my niece and I have done an annual camping weekend. This year our reservation was cancelled because of CoVid and the park being closed. That actually turned out well though because now we are camping on weeknights so the campground and park will be much less busy. This, like all plans these days, was one I wasn't sure we'd be able to do and I'm super grateful to be able to continue the tradition and for the gorgeous weather today as we head out in a few hours.

It always takes a lot of time and energy to prepare to camp, but now I think I'm pretty much ready, and it helped that I woke up with the early sun to finish things up.

We started reading a delightful book by E.B. White recently called Stuart Little and I look forward to finishing that with her.

My partner and I had a hard conversation on a tricky topic today, but it didn't lead us into a downward spiral. We were connected enough that even though it isn't resolved we are still connected.