Next level

#1 - Maybe a morning like today, 7 or so years ago, I felt so directionless/lost after my soccer game. I couldn't figure out where to go or what to do with myself.  Then I stopped at the library and checked my email and there was a very intense angry message from my former partner. "Oh, that's why I feel so off today," I suddenly understood.

 I mention that because today I felt a little similarly, a little, I had a morning game at that location/same time of year and I just was in a weird space afterwards.  Not like last time. I don't feel any anger, just in a different space.  In the afternoon I pulled out a 2016 journal and was reading/reflecting a bit on that time. Soon enough, I got a phone call from a friend who broke up with her boyfriend, then got back together, now might be breaking up.

I was in a receptive/relatable place to take the phone call.

#2 - And afterwards it all made sense, I love that I had just been sitting there quietly for quite a while really doing hardly anything.  It was almost as if I was waiting for that call. #3 - After I had the energy to start prepping a vegetarian lasagna and I've had a very content evening.

#4 - Here is a quote from my 8 year old nephew that I sent to a couple friends today.  He heard a song on the radio yesterday - Wham Last Christmas

"This song is really old

It is from the 18's."

(he meant the 80's)

 #5 - And though I highly value having people in life that I feel connected to, this video reminded me that someone without a strong personal attachment to other people (or that is the impression I got), can do a hell of a lot of good.

A whole nother level

 

"Unbelievably frugal" Indianapolis man left $13 million to charities

Seeds and Fruit

 The winter after my mom died she got a postcard in the mail about an annual volunteer/donation  event.  I highly doubt it was something she was ever a part of, so I don't know how she got on the mailing list, but I took the nudge and went.

It is put on by a non-profit in a lower income neighborhood.  They ask for a variety of new donated inexpensive gifts which are then sorted by volunteers (all the gifts for toddlers in one section etc).  For $1 a child (or parent for the child) can buy a ticket and with that ticket the child (with parental help) writes down five names and ages of  people the child will "shop" for.

Today was that annual gift sale. I think I've been doing this for the past 15 or so years.  

The first few years I was more involved as I helped sort gifts before the sale and helped on the sale day.  They didn't have it in 2020 or 2021.  I was there last year, but going this year I was feeling rather ambivalent about it/disconnected I guess.  However I walked in the door and I heard, "Tammy we're so glad you are here." (I have no idea the person's name who said that to me.)  Then another person said, "Jim says what a great job you do in the auditorium."

Basically the first few years I volunteered at the event day I had a minor roll walking kids from one building to the other. However one year, a key person was sick and I ended up in the auditorium and it was a situation where someone had to take charge and I did.  

I forget that part of myself, because it doesn't come out a lot.  However there were maybe up to 100 kids waiting and they had to be kept in order (or parents start freaking out) and there were a few demanding parents, and I took over and kept things going.  

Ever since then I've had that role.

Last year was a lot more chill.  They've expanded the building where it is held, and maybe reduced the number of kids?  I'm not sure, but it wasn't a big deal last year.

Today went pretty smooth, though at one point we did have a backlog of kids and a few parental complaints to handle. Afterwards at least two random people came up to me and said, "You are good at that." I find this mind boggling, basically all it takes is a plan, clear communication, boundaries, and a bit of smiles and kindness with the kids.  I do often look at the other adults in the room and think, "Just be clear!"  I don't know, I guess that is how are strengths go, they just come naturally so it is hard to understand other people not getting it.

I know my dad felt that way about many mechanical things that were beyond me.

So I was more than grateful to have shown up today.  After I got home I thought I'd just lay on the floor and rest, however I wanted to clean the kitchen floor and I still had the vacuum in there from this morning when I broke a glass.

I ended up looking up how to clean the compressor on the refrigerator, something I've never done before but heard of. And then I cleaned the prints off the front of the fridge AND cleaned the floor.

So now I'm going to have dinner and then head off to another annual event.  It is the kirtan and Rumi poetry night I've been attending for years.  Although, I don't think they had it  in 2020 and 2021 and last year I missed it so it's been a while. The organizer usually remembers me there too though, because I am one of the few people that recites by memory (instead of reads) a Rumi poem. It is an event I introduced my former partner to, and one he enjoys. I know he went last year and he may be there tonight, so it is especially nice that one of my cousins has been listening to some kirtan music and when I mentioned it to her, said she'd like to attend with me.

The Spaces You Inhabit

 #1 - There is a woman (originally from Belgium) living in Italy whose perspective/blog I always enjoy.  I was especially fascinated when she posted places they were looking to buy to live.  I found it fascinating how different things were/seemed.  They did eventually move, and today she posted videos of the place.  I greatly enjoyed seeing their home and I am ESPECIALLY happy to see it has light.  I remember one of the options they were considering that I thought if the doors were closed would feel like a tomb.

http://centaurwalking.blogspot.com/

#2 - I started a new job a little under a year ago.  One of my first pleasant surprises was that the meals provided during my training would all be vegetarian!  (If the organization provides food it is vegetarian so that it is kosher.)

A month or so ago we received an email about the annual "holiday" party.  I looked at my schedule and saw my home visits with families conflicted. It was a relief, I didn't even have to try to go.  But then...last week we got an email with the details of the holiday party and it's going to be games! They are asking people to sign up to bring games to play.  Suddenly I wanted to go!!  I emailed my coordinator and asked if I could reschedule my 2 conflicting families to attend and she said yes.

Then today in our weekly staff meeting we watched

How Full is Your Bucket? For Kids by Tom Rath and Mary Reckmeyer

https://youtu.be/mWe6Z3zFwoA?si=H9BIkTln9HueCWT6

This was a sweet story and one I want to read to my niece and nephew.  Since we work with families that wasn't so unusual. 

#3 - However, after the story we did a very "Tammy activity". We each put our name three times into a bucket and then pulled three names from the bucket.  On drops of paper we were supposed to write something we appreciated about each name we received, or if we didn't know the person, we could write a question to them of something we'd like to learn about them. #4 - After I wrote my 3, there were extra drops of paper you could write additional gratitudes if you wanted. I decided to write one for my coordinator/manager.  I don't remember exactly what I wrote, but it was something about how I've had plenty of challenging people in my life, however for whatever reason, I've always been blessed by great managers.  I wanted to thank her for continuing that trend and also say how much I appreciated being able to be fully myself.  

What was funny was, I didn't realize until I was about to write this.  I received 4 drops.  It was pretty obvious to me the 3 people that were assigned to write drops about me.  I really appreciated one that said for example, "I love your calm firm energy," however I hardly ever talk to this person, so I'm sure she wouldn't have written that to me without being assigned my name.  I mention this because, just like I made an extra effort to write my coordinator a note, she also clearly made the effort to write me a note, and this is what she wrote,

#5 - "I really appreciate how you show up as your full self in the spaces you inhabit."

Coincidence?

Gnat

 #1 - A roommate from college called unexpectedly because she wanted to do a quiet writing retreat this weekend and she wondered about options. #2 - Of course I jumped in on research and suggestions, this is definitely up my alley! I was also grateful to talk with her and hear what inspired this.

#3 - I bought some curtains at the thrift store, but they are a bit long with my baseboard heaters.  I emailed a friend's mom to ask if she had a sewing machine last week.  She did and said she could hem them.  I dropped them off last Friday and said, "no hurry".  I bought blackout blinds for my bedroom because of the exterior lights, however I didn't get them quite wide enough to block the light that seeps in the sides and it has been annoying me for months, though I always forget this during the day.

Anyway, she said they are already done!  I don't even have a curtain rod yet.

#4 - One of my co-workers had a back surgery recently.  I volunteered to do the home visits for one of her family's if it wasn't too far away and it fit my schedule.  Today her manager sent me a couple options and I picked one that will be less than a 15 minute drive, so I'm glad to be able to help out.

#5 - I've had fungus gnats on a couple of my plants that have really started driving me nuts.  I've had sticky pads on the soil for a while which has been killing some, but not taking care of the problem.  I bought some "neem oil" spray and did a couple more things today to take the situation a bit more seriously and hopefully make a dent in the proliferation.

Same Team?

 #1 - I rejoined the fitness center near me. Monday I tried a new class, it was ok.  Today I returned to a barre class I knew I enjoyed.  I was concerned when I left in the spring it would be discontinued as typically there were so few of us there.  Today it was at least triple the size.

#2 - I had my second visit with a new family I am working with. They were in the backyard when I arrived so we did the visit outside which was nice to have that option.

#3 - I was going to do the visit right after the aforementioned barre class, however they asked to switch our schedule again and I'm glad we did, otherwise I would have felt rushed.

#4 - Another house I visit can really be a handful/bursting with energy.  I often wish we would go outside. Today though everyone was subdued and patient and the kids waited for the mom to carefully take out the new pretend medical kit I brought.  She even got a marker to write their names on the doctor coat.

#5 - Relationships require a lot of communication, compromise and remembering that you are on the SAME TEAM.  I was reminded twice today of this.  Relationships can bring immense support, stability and comfort, and that can be missed. However, when I hear and see how remembering we are on the same team/compromise isn't working well for people, it can be nice to not have that struggle.

Two Neighbors

 #1 - One of my upstairs neighbors has more than 1 adult/vehicle and only 1 parking spot.

Right now some of the parking spaces have been blocked off because they are re-shingling the roof. So I just sent a message that they are welcome to use my assigned space while this is going on.  She responded with a big thank you.

It's an effortless thing on my part, and to think it all began because...you may or may not remember my first interaction with them a year ago. One of them left an unkind note on another neighbor's car, about using the unassigned parking spaces instead of his assigned space...

#2 -  I went outside and the neighbor right above me was unloading a bunch of plants.  "Wow," I said, "You just bought this many more plants?!"  (I have long admired all the green I see in his windows when I come home and it's dark).

He explained that these were actually plants he's had but had put in his parents yard for the summer to get some extra sun.  "Do you need any plants?" he asked.

"I don't need any, but I always like more plants."

"The pathos plants work well in low light."

"My friend told me to get some pathos to put on my kitchen cabinets. I was waiting until I get a window in my door though so they'd have more light." I replied.

He then said he was making some more baby pathos and would pass one on once he got it established.  

#3 -  "Don't let this darkness fool you

All lights turned off can be turned on."

 

 #4 - I heard about the hospital in Gaza that was bombed on the radio this afternoon.

Early this evening I took a mountain bike ride at a nearby park.

At the end of my ride I decided to double my monthly Doctors without Borders contribution.  The contribution is so minuscule I neither notice it nor even recalled what the amount was.

"What motivated me to make this change?" I reflected.

It wasn't just hearing the devastation on the news, the devastation didn't motivate me.

It was combining the knowledge of the devastation, with an action (biking) that filled me with beauty and strength.  It's the old adage about how you can't fill from an empty cup.

When I got home I tried to look on my statements to see how much my current donation is. I found nothing.  I looked more and found the last deduction was in June.  I recalled that I had gotten a new card because of some potential fraud, so my monthly donation hadn't occurred the last three months.

I called and fixed that.

#5 - "You can bomb the world to pieces

but you can't bomb it into peace."

Michael Franti

 

Mental Health EXPERT: How to Work WITH Your Anxiety to HEAL Your Life wi...

Last night in bed I realized I forgot to post this conversation as one of my gratitudes. Conversations like these between men give me hope for a different male energy, one we so desperately need.

My Father's Daughter

#1 - I was planning on doing a radon test in the home we bought...so I guess that is why I did a radon test in my condo. I didn't think there would be an issue, there isn't a basement and the bathroom fans in this complex run 24/7.

To my surprise the short term test came back 4.0 which is equivalent to 8 cigarettes a day.  So I took a long term (90) day test and that came back 5.0 - worse.

I had one mitigation consultant out here last week.  He really didn't know what to do and if it would work which was definitely discouraging.  It's hard to know if I should contact someone that works with multi-family buildings or single family.  Obviously I live in a multi-family building, but I wouldn't be paying to mitigate the whole building so the guy I spoke to who only does multi families wouldn't come out here.  He did talk with me on the phone for quite a while though and gave me a couple other names to try.

One came out today, I told him I thought the constant fans would mean there wouldn't be an issue but since then the research I've done has taught me the opposite. "Not only that,"he said, "but your hot water heat means air isn't circulating."

These are conversations I would have had with my father.  He would be so interested in all of this.

#2 - Paths of least resistance.  I made an offer, which I lost, on an upstairs unit in this complex before this one.  It was gorgeous like organic magazine living gorgeous.  My unit, on the other hand, felt like a rental, which it was.

I'd take my unit any day over the one I lost though because as a lower unit it has a door directly to a patio outside.

I told myself in the upstairs unit, that it wasn't far to walk downstairs outside to some picnic tables. This is true.

But it is also true that would reduce the amount of meals I took time to eat outside by at least half.  Today's dinner would have surely been one of them.

#3 - And because I ate dinner outside I thought, "I'd like to go for a walk." It's easy for me to have that thought here. As I started my walk I once again reflected on the magic or grace that brought me to live here. Homes in this area were well out of our reach, so it hadn't been an area I was considering.

About 3 blocks into my walk I saw an office chair with a "free" sign at the end of a driveway.  I have an office chair but I sat on it and it seemed more comfortable than mine.  "If it is still here at the end of my walk I'll get it," I thought.

When I returned it was still there.  Rolling it down the street was really loud though and I thought I was disturbing the whole neighborhood.  There was one guy walking his dogs and he was glad I was taking the chair (it was his).

#4 - When I got home I decided the chair is actually about equal in comfort to mine, however, definitely more stylish. And I have a little desk like/junk mail area by my entry that I have a cushioned folding chair now, but maybe I'll just use this instead and keep both.

#5 - Before I left for my walk I thought about calling my cousin whose birthday is tomorrow to see if she wanted to walk with me. I knew she was camping with her boyfriend the last couple nights and maybe she was still there. But then I figured, "No she's probably returning from camping still, or hanging out with him."

As soon as I got home I got a call from her. She is still there and she asked me if I wanted to go for a walk tomorrow!  So after work I will see her then.

P.S. I'm adding this song which is on repeat tonight.  I wonder why it resonates so much, I don't relate to many of the lyrics, but the emotion, yeah I connect with that.

Resilience

I woke up at 6:00 this morning to drop-off my college roommate at the starting line of the Twin Cities marathon.   She had been awake for a half hour already, when she learned via her phone that the marathon had been cancelled.

To everyone in MN who prefers the climate to change, rather than have to move to a warmer one, you are now a winner.

People texted my friend other marathon options...that included added costs, travel and scheduling conflicts. 

Last night when we talked about her "why" for running. She had decided she was running this race to learn about resilience.  She was anticipating physical resilience, or mental perseverance, not that the race she had trained for months for would be cancelled.

This is a different kind of resilience.

Life is tricky.

After a few hours she decided she needed to get out and walk or bike.  I asked if she wanted to run at all. She said no, she didn't have water to take with her (she planned on water en route). I asked where she wanted to go, by me or on the race route.  She said she didn't care. So I decided we'd just walk from my place.

But then I thought about it and decided we should go to the race route, there would probably be other runners out there and it would be good for her to be with others sharing her disappointment.  

We drove to the route, parked and started walking.  There were other runners and there were still people cheering, some people were passing out water, and there was music.  

"I'm wanting to run," my friend said.

"I figured you would," I responded.

"I don't have my brace."

"We can go back to the car and get it,"

"I don't want to go back."

So she started running, I went back to the car. Then drove ahead and tried to find her.  

It is tricky because they decided to cancel the race for the heat, yet people were still running and the route wasn't marked as well and there was less support for runners, certainly no runner tracking.  I almost gave up on finding my friend and then I spotted her.  I parked a bit ahead, stopped her and she put some supports on her legs, grabbed some gel packs and kept going with her cell phone.

She started running at mile 4. I drove to mile 10 and waited with my sign for her.  I really didn't think this would be that fun, but I was really surprised to feel the opposite, even with much fewer runners and supporters, I got caught up in the energy.  She hugged me at mile 10 and continued.  I dropped her stuff off at her friend's near the end of the route, and then I went to play soccer.

I don't know how far she got.  I'm sure there are people who still pushed themselves today, without the medical support the marathon provides. She had her adult children textable to pick her up, as well as the friend who lived later en route.  So I just hope she was able to feel her resilience without endangering her health. 

Just writing this I started worrying about her in the heat.  I went to get my work cell phone.  I got her 17 year old's number (who was one of the people picking her up at the end of the race) last night.  I was going to ask, but there was already a text from him 20 minutes ago,

"She finished."

I'm not sure if that means she made it to the finish line, or that she completed the whole 26.2 (since she started near mile 4), but it does mean her family knows where she is and she is breathing.

And I'm so, so, so grateful that we didn't just sit inside all morning.  I'm grateful she eventually wanted to go for a walk.  And I'm grateful I listened to my intuition that she should be around other runners.  I couldn't imagine planning to run 26.2 miles one day and then

not running at all.

I thought she needed something, even if were less, to still feel an accomplishment.

However she finished, she did it with less institutional support and less fan support.  There wasn't a race app that people that loved her could follow to find her.

Yet she kept going.

I guess resilience is the word alright.

Oprah Shares “The Letter from Glennon that Freed Me”

243. Oprah Shares “The Letter from Glennon that Freed Me”We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle

 It was a damn good letter, after minute 50 in the podcast, though I'm not sure if it would be as impactful without listening to the whole podcast.

 

 

 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/243-oprah-shares-the-letter-from-glennon-that-freed-me/id1564530722?i=1000628652758

Cross Country

 I went to my first cross country running race today.  When I pulled in I thought I must be at the wrong spot, it looked like a festival with food trucks etc...

First my nephew ran a mile race.  He doesn't regularly run (well beyond the way a 8 year old runs all the time playing), but because it was the home race I guess they had something for the elementary kids? I was grateful he had a different color shirt on than all the other kids so he was easy to spot. I also learned I need to dress to run at these races, unless you only want to see them go by once.  If you want to see them multiple places on the course you need to be ready to move.  Luckily, I'm usually dressed pretty movement friendly, however next time I will also wear running shoes.

My niece is really fast.  She ran a 2 mile race and placed 4th (she missed 3rd by less than a second).  When I got there I thought, "I'd rather watch her play soccer," which I haven't got to do yet this year because the games have been overlapping with my park and rec tennis.  I also thought, "In a couple years she is going to have to choose between this and soccer, I hope she chooses soccer."

That was my thought before the race, after the race I thought,

"I hope she chooses what she loves."

Whispering in Your Ear

#1 - I stopped doing anything with my photos (besides taking them) in 2016 when I filled up my last album.  One thing I want to do while I'm single/have lots of time to myself is catch those up.  I am surprised how much I am enjoying creating photo books.  I have to be careful when I start working on it (like tonight when I gave myself an 8pm cut off, and that was 45 minutes ago).  I am now caught up to middle of 2021.  So I've made a lot of progress.  

#2 - We had our first staff meeting for one of the jobs I do during the school year.  One of the ice breaker questions was, "What was your favorite/most memorable vacation?"  I didn't have to think long before writing my most recent trip to the Boundary Waters Canoe Area (in 2020). I think everyone else in my group mentioned an international trip, and my director said to me, "Even more than Japan?"

"Yes," I replied, "even more than Japan."

It could be a painful memory, but so far it's still a treasured one.

#3 - When I moved into my place there was one home improvement I knew I wanted to make (besides painting).  Most condos I looked at didn't have any natural light in the kitchens because there would be a wall in between.  I'll include a photo for reference.  My kitchen wall runs perpendicular to the outer wall, so some light comes in.

Even more light would come in if I could replace that white door with one with a window, as a number of people in this complex had done.  I told my Realtor, "In a year or so, when I think I've moved thru the majority of my grief, I'm going to get a new door to let in more light."

So it's been a year, and I was really HOPING to do this before fall/it gets cold.  Someone came out to give me quotes in late July.  He said it would take about a week and I still don't have them.

So maybe I have more grief to move thru this winter?

I don't know, but I called another place today and they are coming out to give me a quote on Tuesday.  And I suppose either way, hopefully I'll get quotes from both now to make a more informed decision.

#4 - Grace is my word of the year.  In the beginning of the year I definitely found a few examples of it, however sometimes I was wondering where to find it.

Lately it seems to be everywhere.

Today I was sitting outside eating and someone scooted up to a car.  At first I thought it was a teenager just because of how she moved and the little scooter.  She made some comment about what a pain it was but that it would be better when it's done.  (They are redoing the main parking lot in my complex.) When she came back around I asked, "How long is the lot closed?"

"Til Sunday,"

"You are welcome to park in my spot until Sunday."

"What spot are you...do you park in your garage?"

"Yes."

Then she asked how long I lived here and I asked the same.  She bought it in 2008.  "Wow you've been here a while."

"Well, I got married..." and then a story began about how she got married and rented the condo out and was in an abusive marriage and then moved around a lot and her ex-husband followed her around and...she told me quite a bit for never speaking before.  But the long story short was, I had wanted to offer my spot to someone in the other buildings.  And I did offer it to the one person I know over there, but she was going to be out of town. So I just let it go.  And then the universe said, "I am going to scoot another option right in front of your nose..."

 #5 - "I am whispering in your ear Tammy...Imagine that the deepest, deepest, most soulful part of you is about to be increasingly welcome, welcome in collective group mind." Caroline W. Casey

I Remember Everything

 #1 - I enjoy living alone, fairly often however when I sit down to dinner I think that it would be nice to talk to someone.  This happened today and then I recalled I had seen in the mail preview I get in email (and usually ignore) that there was something from a friend.  So I got up and went to the mailbox.

#2 - The letter in itself was a gift, but even more so it sparked a conversation/response in my head on things I was just thinking about the last couple days.

I've thought quite a bit about how essential the audience is.  What I mean is I won't write the same letter to different people, the recipient evokes part of what I write.

Or if you are at a concert, how much the audience is captivated by the musician affects the performance.

We give our power away or maybe a better way to say it is

we allow our power to be used, or

what we focus on grows.

#3 - I was hoping to get a new door before fall, with a window to let more light in the kitchen.  Someone came out the end of last month to give me some quotes.  He said he'd send them the next week.  This was a month ago. I've tried following up a couple times, and am starting to wonder if this will be able to happen this year (before it gets cold). He finally answered today.  Maybe the door will have to wait, maybe I should go with someone else... I'm trying to be engaged and move along the process, while also not being too attached to my own timeline.

 #4 - I emailed my manager for the job I do during the school year about my availability the next couple weeks.  She ended her email, "Looking forward to seeing you soon!" and I genuinely feel the same.

 #5 - Song on repeat this week.

Zach Bryan - I Remember Everything (feat. Kacey Musgraves)

Glimpses of Beauty

 

Montana youths win climate lawsuit against state for promoting fossil fuels

TSS and HOAs

#1 - I listened to a podcast interviewing a woman who lost her legs due to toxic shock syndrome from using tampons. (The Diary of a CEO).  I remember reading the warnings in tampons when I was younger but I've never heard anyone talk about it. I'm completely in agreement with her concerns about chlorine bleach, dioxin and synthetic fibers in tampons, what I was confused by was her saying that even organic tampons contain pesticides. 

 It is true there are pesticides just inherently in our environment, but the whole point of the "organic" label is that the cotton is grown without pesticides.

I just looked this up and I can't attest to this website but this corroborates my knowledge

"Because they don’t contain synthetic and toxic ingredients like pesticides, herbicides, bleach, chlorine, and other disinfectants, they are certainly the more natural option, and will break down quickly and more safely for the environment."

https://www.greenmatters.com/p/best-organic-tampons

I am not saying you can't get TSS from organic tampons and I completely commend the work Lauren Wasser is doing, it was just one thing I was perplexed by that she said.

#2- A friend of mine hurt her foot this weekend, she went in to urgent care and was potentially on the road for surgery and a really long recovery.  That may still be the case, however it also may be a broken toe and Mayo Clinic says, "Most broken toes heal well, usually within 4 to 6 weeks" which is a long time, but shorter than the original scenarios.

#3 - One of my plants has developed a crop of fungus gnats.  However the three things I employed from the internet seem to be working.  -Letting the soil dry out.  -A apple cider vinegar/water/dish soap mixture - and some yellow sticky traps set on top of the soil.

#4 - This gratitude is a fingers crossed gratitude. When my offer was accepted on this condo a little over a year ago, I had a few days to review the HOA documents.  One of the items in that document stated there was the potential for an assessment for hail damage from a storm.  So I asked the seller to either:

A. Reduce the price $2000 or

B. Put $3500 in an escrow account for a year for any pending assessments on the roof hail damage.

He chose B.  Nothing happened last summer, or over the winter.  Once spring arrived and they could look at the roofs I thought it would be decided. I listened to the board meetings each month. Nothing.  So I emailed the management in May (which was a year since the storm) asking for documentation if there would be a bill.

They asked me to contact them again in July.  I asked the title company if there was anything I could do.  They said the seller is already asking for the money, but he has to wait the year.  That is the agreement.

I contacted again in July.

I listened to the the board meeting in July.  They said there would be an assessment and we'd have the numbers the next day.

I emailed a couple days later and got the response, "Accounting should be wrapping up today with the spreadsheet."

Well, time was ticking, a couple weeks later (last Friday - when I didn't know if my final day was Monday or Tuesday), they said they'd have it in a couple hours.  They didn't.

 Fortunately it wasn't Monday because despite my pleading for a bill, yesterday I had nothing.

Today they did send me an estimate I could send to the title company.  And the title company sent myself and the seller something to sign to release the money to pay my assessment.

I'm grateful it was enough for the title company and the responsiveness of the woman that works there.

What I don't know yet is if the seller is going to attempt to dispute it. 

#5 - 

 

 "We've come in modern times

 to believe that we need to do more to be more, 

and it's broken, 

it's fundamentally broken.  

The idea is that we need to be more

 and let the doing flow from that."

Dr. Michael Gervais

 

 

When YouTube Ads Know You Better

than you know yourself...

I cried Tuesday night as I fell asleep. 

It had been a while.

A plan to see my former partner's youngest fell thru and the wound opened...

A couple days later this song appeared as an ad. I've never heard of any of these people, but the fact

that I just keep listening to it on repeat

means things are shifting.

This is What Wealth Looks Like

#1 -#2 - My niece and nephew slept over last night.  We were sitting at the table while they ate breakfast and suddenly my 8 year old nephew got up and ran. I assumed he needed to go to the bathroom. Instead he ran back with the book I started reading them last night, The Willoughbys Return by Lois Lowry and asked me to read to them while they ate.

They just learned to play Scrabble yesterday, so my nephew pulled it out again after breakfast. He was being really whiny though and so I was not enjoying it. I said, "I am going to need a break if you are going to be whiny.  I will give you three warnings.  After the third one I'm going to go work for 1/2 hour."  He pretty quickly whined three times, so I went into the other room and closed the door and logged into work for 30 minutes.  After 30 minutes I came out and he and my niece were happily playing another game in much more pleasant moods.  

My niece wanted to return to Scrabble.  My nephew wanted to keep playing the imagination game they were playing. So he very quickly made three whiny sounds in the hope I would go back in the other room and work and he could continue playing with his sister. 

He was smiling while whining this time though. At this point it wasn't taking over him, he was using it (or trying to).

My niece didn't want to play his game any more though, so he played his game by himself, and she and I played Scrabble. 

(Maybe I was actually the whiny problem, because after I took my own time out the entire energy of our morning shifted).

#3 - In the spring I had a prolonged bad cough.  It was frustrating for many reasons, one of which is when I got to really hacking, I'd end up peeing a little.  I ended up having to go to the toilet when I'd start to cough. 

A month or so later I read a book by my former MD Carolyn Torkelson.  She mentioned getting a referral for pelvic floor therapy for situations like this (and others). I made a note to ask my doctor about that, though my next annual exam isn't until March so who knows if I'd remember at that point.

Last Friday I made a last minute doctor's appointment because I wasn't sure if my minor UTI was resolved.  I was a little annoyed about taking the time to do this, and if it was all in my head at this point (my test came back normal) but I ended up asking about the pelvic floor therapy and I got a referral.  

Today they called me to schedule the appointment (quick).  So now I'm really grateful that I went in last week and got the ball rolling on this.  I'm grateful to have health care, and health insurance and the time and space to take action.

#4 - I was SO EXCITED last week to hear Eckhart Tolle commenting on ASMR videos and I emailed some friends about it.  One of those friends asked for a recommendation to listen to some that I liked.  And I have very enthusiastically been restraining myself from working on the long email response I have to her today.  (Latte ASMR and Gentle Whispering ASMR are 2 of my favorite.)

#5 - Finally a 10 second video taken by my favorite 13 year old while camping last week.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/9MxoZubOIuI

Breathing Easy Again

 #1 - Opening the windows again since the temperaturs has cooled and the air quality alert (smoke from Canadian Wildfires) has passed.  I know we had some issues with wildfire smoke a couple years back, but it wasn't until this summer that I've started looking at air quality station numbers and bookmarked websites with the air quality.

#2 - My niece, nephew and cousin slept over and I knew this might make us late for my 9AM soccer game, so I planned to leave earlier than usual and we arrived earlier than I usually do.  I told my nephew that one of the guys on our team says, "Go, Hug, Win" instead of "Go, Fight, Win," and he was curious/wanted to know who did that.

#3 - The three of them played cards on the sidelines, during half time my niece hid under a towel behind my nephew and he called attention to it to my team.  I can't recall what he said exactly, but someone said he'd turned into a camel and he smiled. He isn't shy like I was as a child.

#4 - I took a brief nap which I needed, at my brother's house after bringing the kids back.  We had camped a couple nights together and had a great time, however, there were (different) loud people at nearby campsites both nights.  The kids slept thru it, I however, did not.

#5 - My cousin has gone thru a similar tough time this past year (a break-up) and one of the silver linings is that it has brought us closer.  When she left she said our family is so lucky to have me, I think the exact same thing about her.

Mission Accomplished

 

 

These falls have memories.  When I was a kid we'd stop at them between visiting one grandparents to another's.  It was a beautiful spot, that is no longer en route but I was glad to be reminded of it today, and glad it was a place my father used to take me to, though those memories are vague and mostly from photos.

My destination was an unusual state park, a mine, the last 1 of the 66 state parks that I hadn't been to.

Here is a map of where they all are.  My aunt accompanied me on this final visit and took these "mission accomplished" photos. I started this goal 15 or so years ago when I realized I had already visited half of the parks without trying.

Then I spent the next 15 years getting the last 30 or so, which was just 2 or so a year, so no hurry, I've enjoyed the journey!

This is actually a big pit that was mined out of iron ore and now is full of  water.

 And I came home to a phone message that fraud was detected on my debit account and the transaction declined.  I just called and the charge was not mine.  They cancelled my card (which I still have) and I looked online and don't see anything I didn't spend myself.

Should I Cancel?

#1 - I was trying to figure out if I should cancel a doctor appointment Monday.  I found the doctor in my insurance network but not at that location.  I called earlier this week about it and still didn't have an answer today, so I made some more inquiries.  It was getting a bit frustrating, however finally I talked to the right person and got a resolution.

#2 - Partly because of the aforementioned I got a late start on making lunch for a visiting friend.  However I knew we could just make lunch together and she jumped in to help including washing dishes without being asked.

#3 - It had been 5 years since I'd seen this friend (except on Zoom), which seems weird to write because it didn't feel any different or distance at all. She said something similar about how we (and my other friend that joined us) had the type of friendship that could just pick up on after being apart.

#4 - Usually if I listen to an ASMR video it is right before bed.  However I really felt the need/drawn to one right after dinner.  As usual "Latte ASMR" was the prescription.  After I had a few more computer things and I started sampling other ASMR artists.  Most don't compare to Latte for me.  I do like some of "Gentle Whispering ASMR" especially her hand motions.  I am listening to

ASMR | BOOK STORE 📚 | Lo-Fi Nostalgic Soft Spoken

 

right now but I just paused the video because I want to give it more attention.

 

#5 - One of those computer things I did was sign up for Fall tennis with park and rec.  I'm glad I had the impulse because there was only 1 spot left at the park closest to me.

Birthday

Today I arrived at my niece's birthday and saw an assortment of games and activities that she had planned and was excited to share. I commented to my brother that I was impressed to see her initiative and creativity. 

"Yeah did you see her budget?" my brother asked. "I don't like to spend money so I asked her to create a budget."

It was refreshing to be at a "simple" at home birthday party, that my niece seemed to thoroughly enjoy nonetheless.

It's a full week with my family as I had my niece and nephew over for the first time yesterday.  Then my niece's birthday today, my nephew's tomorrow and I think my cousin is visiting this weekend.  My brother asked about a restaurant gift certificate my sister-in-law gave me 2 birthdays ago, if I'd used it yet.

"Yes actually I went, by myself, on my birthday this year," I replied. "There was someone else there having a birthday party which was funny.  When you gave me that gift a year ago I never expected the following year I'd spend my birthday alone."

My brother said he was going to protest that he'd offered something for my birthday, and then he realized he and his family were all in Japan.

Yeah it was an unexpected turn of events. I really didn't understand why I'd lose my partner and his kids almost the exact same time as my family would go to Japan for an extended stay.  I didn't bemoan it. I didn't complain about it. But I didn't understand the synchronistic timing of it either.

I still don't understand it.

However, there is a seed in there, in that time alone.  I can feel it in there. I don't know what it will look like when it sprouts.

It's like a present I haven't yet unwrapped.

Maybe in the future it will be more clear.

More easy to name.

For now I'll simply say

I know there is a gift somewhere inside.