I heard this song a few days ago on Radio Heartland MPR's HD2 station. I ran to the station to try and get the artist and title, but it wasn't working.
It just played again, I thought of saving it for my weekly post tomorrow, but I can't wait, it deserves its own.
And she's local!
I thought this looked pretty. Corn cakes, kiwi, yogurt. (I put maple syrup on the next one).
During lunch time today I went cross-country skiing, and my reflection on missing my skiing companion was distracted as I went by an elementary school. Kids were out at recess and some of them called out to me as I skied by.
It reminded me of my 2nd year after college when I worked at an elementary school and was in charge of recess.
Other teachers were supposed to take shifts out there with me. Sometimes they did, however other times I was out there alone with 100 kids, no playground equipment, and a blowhorn. It amazes me with really nothing to do besides run and pick on each other, that it went as well as it did.
The snow has been so beautiful this year, sticking on trees for days, making winter wonderlands with warm (for winter) weather making it easy to be outside.
I'm not sure how anyone is going to live with me after this. I already had zilch patience for TV background noise, now though I'm descending even deeper into quiet.
I've been reading a lot recently. A friend mentioned that she wanted to read all of Oprah's book club list and I thought that would be a good place to go. I just stopped typing this to take a reading break. Currently Say You're One of Them by Uwem Akpan.
Oh and my friend gave me a Peace Lilly when my mom was dieing of cancer in 2007. I recently did a very poor job of transplanting it and I thought I killed it. It has been very depressing to look at. This is even more so because I was given a peace lilly when my dad died too. I ended up throwing it out not too long after because it got infested with bugs and I didn't want that to spread to the other plants. Like this one which I've had 15 plus years.
I do think I killed a good chunk of it, but today it looked like a section of it perked up and might survive.
#1 - I consulted a friend with color talents about the 1 room I haven't painted here yet. (It's the second bedroom where I also have my computer etc.) I wasn't planning to paint it, but I've enjoyed the results so much with the other rooms I'm tempted. I asked her opinion and picked up the color chips today. However, they aren't that different than what is here so I wasn't excited about them.
Then I thought, maybe the room I'm not sure about (kitchen/dining room) because I like the color I used, I just don't think it's quite right with the black cabinets and grey, brown, backsplash. Maybe I could use that "Cornflower" color in this guest room/where I work, and do something else with the kitchen because I don't want to give up that color. I started getting excited about this and called my friend and she agreed it would work.
#2 - I'm soaking my yoga mat in the bathtub right now. I washed my mat at a commercial laundromat once. I've had that mat over 10 years and it grosses me out to think about how much I'm sure it needs cleaning.
#3 - My friend and I have been playing in a Monday night pickleball league. It has been really fun. We don't have a game tonight because of the holiday so I can attend another friend's Monday night online singing group.
#4 - Life often feels like one step forward, two steps back. Sometimes it is one step back and two steps forward. Sometimes you don't know which direction you are stepping. Other times your head doesn't know but your body can feel the peace.
I had a conversation like that today in my personal life
and I just got a work phone call from someone really upset. The call should not have been directed to me, but I helped him as best as I could, directed him to the correct phone number, and he was calmer when we finished talking than when we started.
#5 - My aunt recommended Oliver Twist over Thanksgiving. I've really enjoyed some books published in a previous era like Pride and Prejudice, but it can be really hard for me to get started on reading them, it takes some effort.
I requested Oliver Twist from the library, but when my aunt asked me a week ago if I'd read it I said, "No."
Between her reminder and the holiday weekend, I did start it and I'm enjoying it quite a bit, so much so that I look forward each day to times when I can read it more. The beginning was so dark, and least there are some pleasant people in the story now and it feels more hopeful.
Today 
I did the second coat of paint in the bathroom.
Then I went to the nearby fitness center for a Lift n Pump class.
Then during dinner I finished a book I would definitely recommend.
After that I started painting the hallway. While I was painting I realized that while I thought I lost my best friend this year, she has actually been with me this entire time.
And she has a special treat planned for tonight. She knows I have really been enjoying relaxing to ASMR videos. My current favorite is LatteASMR. Usually I choose a 30 or 45 minute video. However she has many long ones, including an hour and 40 minute "Winter Hibernation Clinic," so as a Xmas present
we are going to lay down and do nothing but listen to a relaxing voice, for potentially, 1 hour and 40 minutes tonight. (Potentially, maybe I'll get my fill.)
#1 - I'm going to house/cat sit for a friend this week. However today I found out the cat is at the vet because there was blood in the stool/urine this AM. Obviously, this isn't a gratitude, however, I AM grateful if the cat is sick, that it presented before my friend left so that I am not trying to make decisions about a pet that isn't mine. Been there and done that already thank you.
#2 - I got out for a short ski in the gorgeous conditions yesterday. The snow was very wet/slow so despite being beautiful they weren't grooming much of the trails (they'd turn to slop). Today the temps dropped though so the groomers were able to get out and I followed. It seems rare to me that the snow sticks on the trees for a couple days, usually it seems to fall off within a few hours.
#3 - As Co-Vid #'s go up I was thinking how I don't have any home tests, but recalled I heard the government is sending out more so I just signed up for some.
#4 - There are some papers etc. in a pile around this room that are bugging me and would literally take than 10 minutes to organize, and yet will I do it? Sometimes I/we are so silly with what we put off. But writing this was motivation and then I decided to look up a suggestion a friend gave on YouTube Dry Bar Comedy - and I listened while I picked up.
#5 - I checked out both the book and the audio of What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing. I've really been enjoying the audio as it is largely a conversation between Oprah and Bruce Perry, I tried to pick up in the book today where I'd left off listening and quickly thought, "nope", I'll wait to return to the audio. Here are a few nuggets from my listening this week.
"Connectedness counters the pull of addictive behaviors. It is the key." Bruce Perry MD
What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing
"Your connectedness to family, community and culture is more predictive of your mental health than your history of adversity... Connectedness has the power to counterbalance adversity." Bruce Perry
"It's very difficult to meaningfully connect with, or get thru to someone, who is not regulated, and it's nearly impossible to reason with them. This is why telling someone who is disregulated to 'calm down' never works...it's best if you can simply be present. If you do use words, it's best to restate what they're saying. This is called reflective listening. You can't talk someone out of feeling angry, sad or frustrated, but you can be a sponge and absorb their emotional intensity. If you stay regulated, ultimately, they will catch your calm..." Bruce Perry
This reminds me of my/our first therapist telling me it's not my job to regulate my partner, it's the therapist's job. And that I needed to look at my boundaries and codependency.
Yet we all do regulate each other at times so I'm still confused by this. Is it just a matter of frequency? If your partner relies on you to regulate then it's a problem?
#2 -
#3 -
#4 - Those were new to me, but for some classics
#2 - "Do Not Stand For Too Long Before a Surface that Keeps Your Faults Hidden"- Rumi?
I've had this quote lodged in my head since I first heard it 20 years ago. I thought it might be Rumi but I just tried to do a search and can't seem to find the author. I was going to write about that in a reflective holiday letter I sent out, however the letter ended up coming out as a poem and that quote never made it in there.
I was thinking of it today as I would have liked to come home to a hug and a snuggle conversation on the couch. I was quite sad about this earlier in the day. However, by the time I got home I was feeling pretty content and though I knew I wouldn't be opening the door to a hug, I also know I wouldn't be opening the door to anger or someone in a bad mood. (That isn't a comment in reference to anyone, rather simply the fact that we all have moods. If you are living with other people you never know the energy of the house you'll walk into.)
So there is also a bit of peace in the home I walk into.
In that peace all ones faults can be hidden.
Sometimes it's nice to have a break from one's faults :).
#3- I had a job interview today for that job I mentioned debating applying for a while back.
This is why I wanted a hug, before and after, encouragement and comfort.
#4 - It went well, I have positive impressions of the people and think it would be a good fit.
#5 - After I went cross-country skiing for the first time this season. I did this because
A. We just got our first good snowfall and tomorrow looks like much of it will melt.
B. I knew after the interview it would be good to ground myself in my body and in some nature. It was sad at first, I miss having a partner who was such a lover of the outdoors in all seasons, even more than I am. Most of my life I've cross-country skied alone, however this is something he and I regularly did together.
The trees were there as they always are, watching me ignore them, watching me watch the script constantly running in my mind. Occasionally a moment of space breaking thru, when I'd see them
when I'd see things as they are
and they are alright.
