Out of My Head

#1 - I don't often have impulses to contact my former partner anymore (luckily) but today I definitely did when I was excited to come upon this duet.  Will Evans is someone we both enjoyed as an opener to Trevor Hall (a favorite musician of both of us) and Tristan Prettyman someone I'm also a fan of, so I got so excited to see this.  Instead I will just post it here.

#2 - I was invited to a perimenopause/menopause gathering at a friend's house  - a gratitude both because it is a topic that I want to learn more about, but also just because a friend invited me (because I usually do most of the inviting!)

#3 - Speaking of which I'm going to hear music tonight from some favorite musician friends that a different friend made me aware of/invited me to.  (Brothers Frantzich)  The first time I will see them since one of them gifted me a guitar.

#4 - I'm not going to explain the context of this brief email I received today, "So 11/30 at 11(?) at which cemetery?" But the ridiculousness of it made me laugh out loud. (It is not related to anyone dying).

#5 - I don't think I'm a particularly good singer, and that's fine. So when the musician that gave me the guitar said I have a beautiful voice I took it with a grain of salt.  But once in a while, maybe in a very narrow range, I do think it sounds good. Singing along with the song on this post I felt it, and hopefully I'll feel that way singing tonight.

The Wild Edge of Sorrow

 #1 - Today was the 1 year anniversary of my book club which has been a huge gift this past year as far as connecting with friends and creating community. It is fitting that the book The Wild Edge of Sorrow - talking about grief led to a deep discussion.

#2 - After book club my 2 cousins, who are in book club, stayed and talked quite a while longer with me.  They are an immense gift in my life.

#3 - I passionately talked about Prayers around the Cross, a service at Holden village where people silently shared and were supported in their pain and grief.  I said our culture does not offer space for that, and until we can figure this out, grief that has no outlet will be redirected (shootings for example), this is hard and critical work.

#4 - One of my friends said they were going to share something vulnerable, and as they spoke I felt a quickening in my heart that meant I was being directed to share a vulnerable seed within my life too.  I wasn't expecting to share that seed at all, but I understood in the way my body reacted that it needed to come out.

#5 - I have learned that after book club I have a hard time falling asleep (too stimulating apparently). So I will put my computer by my bed so I can switch to an ASMR audio if needed, however right now I'm not convinced it is necessary as I'm pretty tired.

Father Thomas Keating

#1

"Silence 

is God's first language

everything else

is a poor translation.

Whatever we say about God

is more unlike God

than saying nothing."

Father Thomas Keating

#2 - I have a friend coming to stay with me this weekend and I am really looking forward to it, in fact I would say I need it.  She also is a friend that I sometimes write with over the phone and she has suggested we write together - also a perfect recipe.

#3 - I was planning to go speed dating tonight. However both speed dating events I signed up for this month were postponed, this one to my monthly poetry group night so I will not be going. When the first one happened my plans were redirected to another event that made sense. Tonight the only redirection I know of thus far is potentially cleaning my bathroom and making a grocery list, but I guess it is an "easier" evening.

#4 - My friend gave me a guitar this week. Yes that sentence is repeatable.  My friend bought/gave me a guitar.  I started playing guitar in 2010 and have had various guitars on loan during that time (or for a couple years not having one at all). And then Monday one appeared in my hands. 

 It sounds really good and I want to write a song, which I was doing until 2017, but then that dried up.  I still write poems, but songs have been elusive.  I don't know how anymore, but I'm trying, or attempting to try.  I am willing.

#5 - If you want to be free, if you want to heal your relationship with God, with others and yourself, enter your inner room—the office, where the Divine Therapy takes place.

Close the door so you don’t run away.

Quiet your interior dialogue so that you can listen to what the Spirit is saying to you."

Father Thomas Keating

More Merton

 #1- I hung out with friend Monday, talked to 2 friends on the phone yesterday and jogged with another friend today.  I'm having a good friend week.  (This is after the end of my last weekend when I thought - even as an introvert I've had enough time alone!!)

#2 - I have a new family that I had the 2nd home visit today.  The mom is bilingual but the primary language of the home is Spanish so we've mostly been doing the visits in Spanish.  The accent is easy for me to understand (Mexican) and there is no pressure, because we can switch to English when I don't know something (though I hope we mostly continue to work with the child in Spanish!)

#3 - An older child was home today as there was no school and I have never seen a more supportive older sibling (the child in the program is a special needs child).

#4 - I'm going speed dating on Saturday and after asking multiple single people to accompany I finally found someone else to join.  (I didn't actually ask her, I just told her about it and she asked me to send the info and then decided to sign up.)

#5 - "The rush and pressure of modern life are a form, perhaps the most common form, of contemporary violence. To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence.  The frenzy of our activity, neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work, because it kills the root of inner wisdom, which makes work fruitful." - Thomas Merton

Thomas Merton

 #1 - "Let us come alive to the splendor that is all around us and see the beauty in ordinary things. For nothing has ever been said about God, that hasn't already been said better by the wind

 in the pine trees." 

Thomas Merton

#2 - Today I went with my coordinator to meet a new family I will be working with. Usually these meetings are a little uneasy, someone is letting strangers come into their home and explain a program that may or may not work for them. Everyone is a bit on guard.  Today's mom however was so open and talkative and something that usually takes about 20 minutes took 45. I almost cried as she shared her experience.  And was it a coincidence she had a throw pillow that said something like, "Gratitude is what makes what you have enough"?

#3 - She spoke to us in English, but the primary language of the household is Spanish, so when I texted her to confirm our first visit tomorrow I did it in Spanish, and that is how she replied.

#4 - Earlier today I was listening to "A Reminder" by Trevor Hall on repeat.  This evening it was "Watching the Whole Sky Change" Lockeland Strings featuring Maya de Vitry

#5 - "I believe the desire to please you, does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing." 

Thomas Merton

Thomas Merton excerpts from - Thomas Merton - Selected Teachings for Meditations - Christian Mysticism

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2zWgTX_9L4&t=1081s 

Nighthawk, Whole Milk

 #1 - You know how maybe you have this one thought or worry that you forget for weeks at a time, but then keeps you up in the middle of the night?  Mine - the one that I think is "real" - is dealing with my aunt's house someday.  (She doesn't have children.)  There are a long list of reasons that I will not go into here why this concerns me, but to say the least it is a decrepit piece of property.

I had the thought quite a while ago to consult the Realtor who helped me find my condo, and who is now a friend, for her thoughts on this, before it is a more imminent issue.  Usually Realtors are busy in the spring, so I just asked her today if I could take her to lunch and pick her brain about this.

We are meeting next week.

#2 - "Nighthawk" that is the word The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows by John Koenig uses to describe the thought like above, which you forget for weeks, but then strikes you late at night.

This book is delightful and full of new words for emotions. For example, "nodus tollens: the feeling that the plot of your life doesn't make sense to you anymore."

#3 - I returned home from being away for the summer late last week. One of my jobs I started immediately, but it is a slow start up. The second I gave myself a 2 week buffer.

I am so glad about that, I've had the time to address things that keep popping up- making a phone call which involved hold for a while about a couple confusing financial things, talking to the property manager about the bathroom fans (which are central) which still aren't working...

 None of the things I've needed to address have been any sort of emergency, they just take time.

#4 - I bought this 4L Seeker water storage thing for camping a couple years ago.  However from the start it gave my water a funny taste.  I tried a couple things suggested online.  Eventually the company sent me a new one along with some other things to try.  One was to fill it with milk for 24 hours in the fridge and then wash it out.  I wrote back, "Whole milk? Skim?  Any preference?  I'll try it."

That was last March.  Today I finally just bought a gallon of whole milk and am giving it a try.

#5 - I did not look in the mirror much this summer. There was a small medicine cabinet sized mirror in my room that I saw my face in every day, but that's it. I've been surprised at how much more I am seeing myself now. I felt more confident in my skin without the mirrors.

I thought about this in a yoga class last week and again today in a barre class. I am overall happy with and grateful for my body

and

I'm not sure all the mirrors are helpful.

How Friendships are Formed

(Can you spot the school bus making its way from Lake Chelan to Holden Village?)

#1 - Last night my supervisor and I went out to look at the stars. She was my supervisor last summer too, though I guess last summer she was my supervisor's supervisor. Anyway, I have always greatly appreciated and respected her. She has made it clear the feeling is mutual, however I never felt really connected to her until last night.

I wonder about what it takes to bridge the distance between pleasant feelings and friendship?  

She, myself and another co-worker planned to look at the stars 3 nights ago, but they both ended up asking to postpone it to the following day.  So on Monday we were going to go but my supervisor had a headache so the other person and I just went.  Then yesterday my supervisor asked again about going out.  I wasn't that excited just because it means I will be up late again and I only had 3 more nights here.  

We did go last night and this morning is one of the rare, (only?) mornings here that I have felt a little groggy. It makes me think how life can be neat and orderly when one is alone, but it is messier when we are connected to others, and often that messiness is worth it.

In this case it was definitely worth it. What is it about laying on one's back and gazing at the night sky that leads to beautiful meaningful conversations?

(Last week I was hiking in pants and it is so dusty here that when I took off my boots and socks there was a dust line all the way up to my thighs.

Luckily I was also camping within 50 feet of this swimming area.  This is not my tent but mine was very close.)

#2 - One of my "areas for growth" is flexibility with plans. We each do 1 dish team a week here and the dish team schedule comes out after the deadline to submit my programming schedule.  So the first couple weeks here I had scheduled a hike during my dish team, so I had to find someone to switch with.

After that I started leaving Wed morning open and the rest of the summer this has worked out until this week.  I camped Thursday and Friday night and when I got back on Saturday I saw that I was on the dish team for Sunday breakfast instead of Wednesday.  Yikes! It was the next day and I was also on the schedule to lead a hike during that time.

However, unlike usual, I had a miraculous thought in the midst of this, "Maybe this will be better?" 

I found a sub. And it was.

#3 - So I didn't have dish team this morning so I could do the Wed AM yoga for the first time, also needed because my neck has been a bit wonky since one of the camping nights.

#4+ - Actually when my supervisor and I went out last night, at first I thought we were just going to watch the lightning, which began around 8:15pm - rainless. Rainless lightning in dry country brings...

FOREST FIRES

and this morning the air smelled a bit smoky and lo and behold a new fire is about 4 miles away.  However there are many gratitudes about this such as:

A. The fire is to the NW so not between us and our road/lake exit.

B. Yesterday an unexpected fire crew landed near here.  They had left a bunch of equipment based on the fire just south of us (which has really died down). They were here to retrieve/inventory. So they are already monitoring the situation and a helicopter has been overhead this AM dropping water and I think one just landed at our landing pad too.

C. Our numbers are the lowest they have been all summer, so if an evacuation were needed, it is a lot easier to evacuate 130 people than 300.

D. I am leaving on Friday anyway, so guess who is packing regardless?

Today is my last day of working here and an unexpected task was to walk out to the trailhead and post the sign advising awareness of the nearby fire activity.  (We have to wait for the forest service to make any official decisions on trail closures.)

P.S. Our Level 1 (lowest level) evacuation status that was in place from early July until last Thursday, has now been renewed.

P.P.S. Ok it is a little scary as I just read it is 2 miles away and there isn't a big rocky mountain between us.