Sunday, May 21, 2017

Fort Ridgely



#1 - My niece spent the weekend camping with me. The temperature hovered somewhere around 45 degrees (7 Celcius) and I don't think I heard her complain all weekend!

Actually her first complaint came when I told her one of the first things we were going to do when we got back was to take a bath and make sure we didn't pick up any ticks. She wanted to wait until she got to her house to take a bath.

#2 - I would not have gone camping this weekend. If it was a solo trip I would have just adjusted my schedule because of the cold rainy weather. If I was bringing kids I would have been even less likely. I was pretty sure my friend (and her friend) would call during the week and ask if we should cancel and I didn't want to, but I also didn't want to convince them it would work/we'd have fun, because I was pretty skeptical.

I am so grateful that neither did they cancel, nor did they hint at canceling. Everyone had a great time. I was only cold briefly, and we were super fortunate that there was zero rain when we set up (most important part) and just the lightest of drizzles when we took down (second most important part).








#3 - We had enough warm/dry clothes. I never even used my down jacket that I brought and everyone (thanks to some sleeping bags we borrowed) stayed warm at night. My friend even said she preferred sleeping in these temps as opposed to the hot summer nights.


#4 - Throwing "Pooh sticks" after "Winnie the Pooh" over the side of a bridge into the creek and then running to the other side to see whose stick goes the fastest/farthest.

(I didn't mention it's called "Pooh sticks" because of certain children who are slightly obsessed with poop.)






#5 - My friend's 7 year old reading The Diary of a Wimpy Kid to my 5 year old niece in the back seat of a dry car, while she ate lunch, and I packed up our wet tent.

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Friday, May 5, 2017

I Will Not Sell


"They deem me mad
 because I will not sell my days for gold;
 and I deem them mad 
because they think my days 
have a price."

Kahlil Gibran

 
It was a splendid spring day and as I contemplated why I was able to enjoy it outside, the above quote came to mine.  I have sold my days, but certainly not to the highest bid, and in exchange I have the opportunity, on days like today, to dive into the world outside.  My only agenda was to bike 3 miles over to a friend's at 9AM for a bit and then bike (or bus) the remaining 16 miles home.

But once I left his house I wasn't in a hurry to get home, I entered the mindset of being away/on vacation.  I biked an extra few blocks to look at Minnehaha Falls, no crowds today.  I laid in the park in the sun.  I took myself out to lunch.  I ordered a slice of key lime pie, but was surprised to find what what most delighted me was not the pie but the free sparkling water on tap.  It really hit the spot.

I biked more, took a brief nap in another park under the budding translucent cottonwood leaves, backlit by the sun, waving in the wind.  At this point I decided to test my time keeping skills, I'd left my friend's at 10:30am, what time was it now?  I guessed 2:52pm, I pulled out my watch and it was 3:02pm.  I biked some more, then made one last stop to pick up a few items for a picnic lunch tomorrow.  After shopping, I decided to test my time skills again.  I guessed 4:42pm, it was 4:50pm.

When I got home I ate a simple/delightful dinner of salmon cream cheese bagels with cucumbers and peppers on top, carrots, and a banana and strawberry smoothie with pineapple juice.

Thursday, April 27, 2017

The Mask You Live In





#1 - How do you feel when you leave the doctor?  I usually feel drained, even when I'm healthy and I can say the right things like,  "No I don't smoke.  Yes I exercise."

Today, I went back to the doctor that I had surgery with last fall.  I still have a couple concerns.  She said she wasn't happy I was back but it was good to see me.  I felt the same.  She is the definition of a true healer.  I share things in her presence and naturally expand into my vulnerability.  She is always reassuring and empathetic.  When I leave her office I feel confident, cared for and safe.

She is the definition of a true healer.

#2 - It seems one of my concerns today might have a simple solution.  The other she suggested an ultrasound for, but I explained my insurance changes in two days and I don't think their clinic will be an option for me anymore.  I guess she isn't too concerned on that concern, because she didn't press me on the ultrasound and just dealt with the other issue.

#3 - The Mask You Live In - a movie recommended by a friend, recommended by Pink and now recommended by me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hc45-ptHMxo

#4 - A college age football player dressed in all his gear except his helmet, with a violin across his shoulder and a smile across his face

#5 - Watching The Mask You Live In with my head against a man's heart

Thursday, April 20, 2017

I Forgot to Post

I forgot to post yesterday. I did still write in my journal so they are a bit raw and without explanation.  I'll mostly leave them that way.

#1 - The sound of "Hello" on the phone during lunch.  It made all the difference but also points to how precarious things are.  I found some useful information on helpguide.org.  We'll see what the counselor says tomorrow.  I hope to find relief for my experience of being "idealized one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel."

#2 - The silence on the phone when I said it seemed when he hurts me I assume it's unintentional or because he is really hurting in himself.  It seems his assumption when I hurt him is either I'm intentional, stupid or cruel.   I don't want to date someone who has such assumptions about me and he shouldn't either.  He was silent.  I was in touch with my primary emotion of anger a bit today which felt good.

#3 - Oh my God, I'm at the DFL senate district meeting.  I came to hear from the legislators and they are debating about how to hold a meeting - kill me softly - oh wow, keepin it light as I write my gratitudes in my journal.  Deep breaths, smiles, room of light.  Now Paul Thissen is talking and I can breathe.

#4 - Three friends are interested in joining me in Sept on a camping trip on the North Shore, looks like either Temperance or Judge C Magney.  Three of us have agreed on a weekend now we just need confirmation from the 4th that it will work.

#5 - Talking to my representative after the meeting to get H.F. info on a bill which will remove the $500,000 per year  storage fee which Excel has been paying per cask of nuclear waste.  The money has gone into a funding stream to develop alternative energy, such as the wind power in SW MN.  It's in HF 2209 the Omnibus Jobs and Energy Bill.  My representative said much of what is happening nationally is happening on a state level.  The gratitude might be hard to find here, but it was that I'm happy my state legislator was disturbed this was being removed and had helped establish it in the first place.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Dave and Amy Freeman



I went to hear Dave and Amy Freeman, a couple who spent a year in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area from 9/24/15-9/23/16 to bring publicity to protect the space from copper sulfide mining, speak tonight.  It is heart-warming to be in the presence of everyday heroes such as those two, especially two people who clearly enjoy each other, it emanates outward.

When Amy spoke about leaving civilization she said that they didn’t leave the real world, “We entered the real world.”  and that “We need everyone to speak loudly for this quiet place.”

I’m thankful to my friend who invited me to go.  I wasn’t sure if I had the energy for it tonight, but it was an event that pulled me out of my own narrow story and into a more expansive and generative one.

Monday, April 3, 2017

It's so cold

#1 - It's not cold but I couldn't get warm when I got home at 9pm last night and I buried myself in blankets so that I woke up sweating.  It still feels cold.  I don't feel well today and I'm so glad I can easily shift my plans for tonight and just curl up in bed after dinner.

#2 - I'm also glad I had enough energy to start putting together the minestrone soup which is simmering right now - it's the perfect meal for today.

#3 - I couldn't have imagined when I came across Glennon Doyle Melton last fall how instrumental her voice would be to me.  I listened to another interview today with her talking about Love Warrior

"What matters to me is that there is this voice inside of me, it's inside of every single one of us, that is if we are honest and still enough will tell us what to do next.  And every time we say we don't know what to do - or whether we should stay or go, we are not being honest, we just don't want to do the thing that the voice is telling us to do...there is this betrayal that happens when we hear the still small voice but allow the fear voice to drown it out...the book is about self-trust."  Glennon Doyle Melton

Yes I agree that is what the book is about and it is waiting for me at the library to read again.

#4 - I see my soccer game on Sunday is not only posted for our first game of the year outdoors, it is also in a new park to me, at least I've never played soccer there.

#5 - My Bed
I'm grateful to have a bed with blankets and pillows.  
I'm grateful to have a small light beside my bed 
that can lightly illuminate the room.  
I'm grateful it's quiet here
tonight
I'm grateful to have a pink stuffed bear 
that doubles both as a great pillow prop for reading 
and also something to hold when I need it
I'm grateful to have A Year with Rilke beside my bed
which I usually both start and end my day with
or at least end my day with
if I forget
I'm grateful
to not be afraid
when I climb into this bed
of bombing
or gunfire 
or the silence between
I'm grateful for nourishment
in soup
in comfort
I'm grateful to be here
breathing 
this beautiful mess
for a moment
it's enough