Earth Day

 

There is a line of bushes/trees on the edge of the property where I live.  Trash accumulates there, especially near the dumpsters.  Some of it is from the wind, some from the squirrels who take things out of the dumpster.  It is especially apparent in the spring when the snow melts and before the leaves come in.  It has bugged me for quite a while, so I decided to use Earth Day as motivation to work on it.  I told myself I'd go out and pick up trash for a half hour.  And ideally do the same tomorrow.

I ended up working for 1 1/2 hours and filled up 5 bags of trash plus some recycling.  

It was a very satisfying place to work, not only because I live here, but because an hour and a half was long enough to make a very substantial difference!

I also sent before and after photos to the management company to ask the board what usually happens here.  Is there ever a community clean up?  Do we ever hire people to pick up the trash that accumulates on the edge of the property?

I also feel much better about sending that email because I'm not just complaining.  I took action AND I'm asking what the plan is.

I ended going back inside and grabbing goggles because I was reaching into many bushes and there were a lot of twigs that could poke my eyes.

I also noticed I was kind of waiting for someone to come out to the dumpster and see what I was doing. Make a comment of some sort... No one came nor noticed, so I decided since I didn't post earlier this week.  (I had a visiting family member and didn't take the time to), I'd post today instead.

Twin Cities: My Life as a Black Cop and a Championship Coach

 #1 - My friend who broke a bone in her foot last summer did a tentative jog/walk with me and her foot did fine!

 #2 - And I got to hear about her recent trip to visit a mutual friend in North Carolina. I think it had been a couple weeks since I'd seen one of my friends, and I was just reminded that I love my alone time and I need that too.

#3 - I started reading Twin Cities: My Life as a Black Cop and a Championship Coach by Charles Adams.  It was brought to my attention by a friend of mine and is one of those books I picked up at the library today and am diving right into.

#4 - Speaking of the library. My cousin is living with me right now and doing real estate photography and it is taking hours for her to upload her photos.  We have looked into internet upgrade options, none of which were panning out. She tried a coffee shop which was about the same. Today, as a last resort, she stopped at the library and it seemed the upload speed there is MUCH higher.

#5 - Finally, trying to arrange plans with my former partner's children can feel defeating.  I know it isn't personal, however the follow thru is difficult.  His youngest did send me her la crosse schedule per my request.  However, she didn't reply to me as to which team she is on: Varsity, JV, B?  So I emailed her mom, who in general is super responsive. So though I hesitated to reach out to her, I wasn't surprised she responded right away and with additional info.

Women’s Unrealistic Expectations 😂

Not Sharing

#1 - One of the parents who is very consistent, but usually checks out and takes a break on the couch during our home visits, got down on the floor and played with us today.  This has never happened with me at this house!  It was a win on my part for not intervening when one child (there are 4) was complaining to me that another wasn't sharing.  I had the autistic kid on my lap and he was engaged and that was a win right there so I said, "Ask your mom," and when she persisted in complaining to me, "Ask your mom." And she did and mom joined us on the floor.

#2 - My aunt is visiting and I didn't sleep very well. I know she sometimes does dishes at 3AM when I'm at her place, however I didn't realize getting up at that time was common for her. Apparently she sometimes watches This Old House at that time.  I asked today if she always wakes then and she dismissed it.  That would drive me nuts, but I guess it doesn't bother her and she can usually sleep as late as she wants so it works for her.

#3 - I still got up for my early exercise class that I really want the fitness center to keep.  Previously the earliest class they offered was 8:30AM.  Now they have a once a week 6:30 class and usually I am the only guy there.  I want more people to come so they keep the time slot.  Today a guy named, "Bob" joined me.

#4 - I made a Latin Corn Soup and a vegetable pot pie on Sunday eve.  Both of which were available for easy leftovers for my aunt and I for lunch and dinner today.

#5 - I sat and watched the big snowflakes fall as I ate breakfast today.  Often I work while eating breakfast, but my aunt was still sleeping in the room where I work, so the snowflakes were a nice way to enjoy breakfast instead.

Think Small, Find Gratitudes

 #1 - The immense privilege I have to be able to cancel my driving for the day and enjoy the snowfall without being stressed by it.  After texting with a co-worker who had driven some today, we both came to this conclusion and afterwards I felt peace.

#2 - I am SO glad this unusually dry spring is being abated. I've never heard of fire precaution warnings in the springtime when everything is usually moist, and this snowstorm is helping with that.

#3 - Someone's packages that lives in an adjacent building were dropped off in our building.  I saw this and thought, "I'll bring them over later."  Then I saw someone who doesn't live in our building walking up to the door, so I went out there and she was looking for the packages (but couldn't get in), so I gave them to her.

#4 - As I was thinking of gratitudes, "What else?"  #3 came to mind, which just reminds me how simple it can be to help someone. It didn't take any effort and yet it brightened my day.  It makes me wonder, actually I will ask, "Dear Life, What other simple ways can I brighten my day by assisting someone?"

#5 - I had some fish and asparagus for dinner a little bit ago. I am still hungry.  I will go to my kitchen and find something else to eat.  I have options - grapefruit, yogurt, granola, cookies...

Spring Equinox

#1 - I knew something was up when beyond being tired, I decided I should just wear pajamas today. I took my temperature and my fever at that point was 99.3 F, later 100.3 F, just now 102.9 F. I'm grateful to be in a quiet safe home to experience this. #2 - I also somehow got the gumption (before the fever was so high) to make some "Cold Be Gone Flavor Bomb" soup which I am reheating right now. #3 - I have been sleeping most of the day, alternating with reading American Dirt by Jeanine Cummins which I have to wonder if this is why I'm sick in the first place. The book is very dark. (It's an Oprah book club pick which is why I'm reading it). The last Oprah book I picked was really dark too The Road. I wonder if I need to take a break from reading her suggestions. However then I remember Open House which was absolutely delightful. #4 - I just cued up Latte ASMR Night Nurse Taking Care of You, for when I need it tonight. #5 -I am going to use my wellness leave for the first time at my job, I don't usually get any pay when I'm sick.

From Suffering to Awakening: Embracing Consciousness in Virtual Worlds |...

I keep trying to get this to start at minute 19. Even though I check the box "Start at 18:55" it doesn't seem to work. Anyway 19:00 - 20:30 is the point I want to share. I feel similary but can't quite articulate or understand it.

Soccer etc.

#1 - #2 - I started playing on a 2nd Sunday soccer team today. How did this happen? Last summer I played on a rec women's team. The guy who organized it organizes teams in all these leagues. I don't really understand how he has time/energy for this, as I think he does it all voluntarily. Anyway, now I'm on his email list. He must have sent out something gauging interest in a Sunday pre-outdoor soccer "scramble". I either ignored it or marked "not interested" because I already have a Sunday team.

However some time later there was an email from him pleading for people to sign up. He had reserved facility space based on interest in his poll, but not enough people had followed thru and now he was going to be out a few thousand dollars.

Well, I organize my 1 Sunday team, so I am sympathetic to this so I looked more closely. And the 2nd half the games are at a location only a couple miles from where I live. And I could use more cardio. Ideally not on the same day as my other cardio, but anyway I signed up.

Today is the first day I have 2 games. The first game was at an unfamiliar location. I didn't really pay attention beyond the address, but once I got there I learned it was an ice arena and we were playing on a surface over the ice. This meant a few things: 1. It was a bit chilly 2. The surface was not ideal (pretty hard) 3. There are boards along the edge. I've heard of this but never played soccer with boards.

It ended up being pretty fun. Since the ball rarely goes out of bounds there aren't many breaks. However I was comfortable with the skill level, and since many people I played with preferred D, I ended up in forward some and actually scored a goal! (I think I score a goal about once every 8 years in my regular soccer league).

#3 - My regular soccer game is pretty late, but will at least feel a little earlier to my body as daylight savings time was last night. I am going to try a new strategy tonight though as it can be hard to fall asleep right after a soccer game. When I get home I am going to shower and then lay down for a Latte ASMR video (well headphones I don't watch), because though I might think I don't have time for that, I'm hoping it will help me transition from soccer to relaxation quicker.

#4 - Last week I didn't buy enough groceries. I made a couple new meals from a library cookbook and I didn't have enough leftovers. Today I made a big pot of vegetarian split pea soup and made tempeh reubens with green beans and I have a bunch of leftovers from both.

# 5 - I skipped posting a couple weeks here, one week I forgot and another I just didn't want to be on a screen in the evening. Even Eckhart Tolle has a hard time articulating it, but I agree.  I'm trying to get this to start at minute 19:00 and can't get it to work, maybe if I put it on a separate post.

Good Trouble

 I had a few friends over for lunch today.  Before they left one gave me a card.  Was it a thank you for lunch?  My friend said it was a late birthday card.  I read it quick.  Then I read it again after they left and I was so touched.  It says,

"Tammy, When I saw this card, I thought of you right away - someone who gets outside and enjoys the lakes and parks all year long. I hope you had a good birthday and it's good to see you enjoying your home and life.  Thanks for being a great friend, teammate, letter-writer, poet and encourager to me all these years.  And now to"...(and he named his wife and baby) "too!"

All of it is nourishing to me, however the part that I think touches me most is "encourager".  This is not a friend I would expect to hear that from.  I really don't talk, or see him much at all.

It is also really touching to hear him say "it's good to see you enjoying your home and life."  It makes me think about how it has been a hard road that has brought me here.  And I  have not denied or hidden that. I'm trying. And it is nice to have someone say that shows.

This friend got married two summers ago. 

They had a baby in September, who I met today. We had lunch with another mutual friend and then took a brisk walk.

My friend hasn't played on my soccer team since the baby until 2 weeks ago when he subbed.  We play half field and at this particular location the goals are particularly small.  My friend jumped up to head a ball when our goalie was up field and smashed his head right into the top of the goal.

On a normal field that isn't possible, so it wasn't something he was thinking about.

Anyway, I was glad to hear today that it turned out fine.

And now I'm going to watch the kind of film I like (or at least assume I do)  John Lewis: Good Trouble

"Using interviews and rare archival footage, JOHN LEWIS: GOOD TROUBLE chronicles Lewis' 60-plus years of social activism and legislative action on civil rights, voting rights, gun control, health-care reform and immigration"

Efficiently Written Gratitudes

 #1 - My cousin got the job she wanted/applied for.

#2 - It starts in early March so she is going to move in with me at the end of the month.

#3 - This is perfect timing as I hoped she would wait at least another week and a half.  I am having a radon mitigation system put in my bedroom closet, so I need to empty that closet, and I assume move anything else out of the room that I don't want to clean concrete dust off of.  That is happening in a little over a week.

#4 - Emptying out my spare bedroom closet is making me store my things more efficiently, as well as go thru some papers.

#5 - The empty boxes that I had stored in the top shelves of my closets will be used by my friend during her remodel, including the packing materials I asked if she wanted to use or I should throw away.

I Know You

#1 -  I'm feeling a little stressed and anxious tonight.  It is the same as when I was in college at the beginning of the semester or a big project or...that is when I get stressed and anxious.  The night before the test or the assignment is due, I'm ok, I'm prepared, I'm going to bed on time. I've done what  I can and I let go (though if it is a test of course I still may feel nervous).

So I'm seeing a big "project" of sorts a few months ahead and all the pieces that will need to be put in place/figured out by then.  And though I'm not at the point where there isn't stress or anxiousness, I can at least say, "Hey I know you, you always come about this time.  You are welcome to sit besides me," (this is something Elizabeth Gilbert would say), "but you are not driving. I will handle that."

#2 - Tonight is the first time in 1 1/2 years of living here, that I've been waiting to use the laundry!  There have been a couple times I've walked in the laundry room and the washer was running, but I've just gone back 30 minutes later and been fine.  

Tonight I went in around 5pm and it was in use. I did eventually get my laundry washed, however the last time I checked someone else's clothes were still just sitting in the dryer, and I don't know whose...and I'd like to dry my sheets to get them back on my bed.  However let me say this again

THIS IS  THE FIRST TIME IN 1 1/2 YEARS THIS HAS HAPPENED!

#3 - I started with a new home visiting family this week.  The mom is (thus far) engaged/attentive/not on her phone at all and the kids have a lot of imagination.  We pretended the stuffed unicorn today was having a birthday party and all the animals were having cake.  The kid said it was "broccoli cake"!  Of course I had the animals say, "YUM!" even the tiger who usually only likes meat.

#4 - One of my cousins may come live with me - maybe just for a month or two - maybe longer.  I'm looking forward to the possibility, yet also a little nervous.  We have a really good relationship and I hope it doesn't change that.

#5 - I spent part of the day with another cousin (sister of the aforementioned).  I didn't think I'd have much time with her today, however one of my home visits was cancelled so it worked out well.  And it's a mom who already suggested we'd do a make up visit, which makes things much easier when a visit is missed.

What is True

 #1- I had a pretty light healthy supper tonight.  So I took the time after, I was still a bit hungry, to make a carob mousse that I'd been thinking about making recently and luckily had all the ingredients for. The only fresh ingredient required was an orange.  An orange, honey, silken tofu, carob powder, vanilla and a little tahini in the blender.

#2-

My hallway has looked like this for over a year.  A couple months after I moved in my neighbor's toilet had a leak so the carpet and some drywall were ripped out.  The drywall has been fixed but I haven't done anything with the floor.  I honestly don't really care.  It doesn't bother me.  Plus it has taken a while for me to figure out what I wanted to do.  

Originally, I was hoping for bamboo floor, then maybe hardwood to replace the living room carpet. Though some say it's fine, others do not suggest putting hardwood on cement slab.  So it's an expensive thing to do questionablely.

I've had a new plan for a while now and don't seem to be changing my mind again so I could probably go for it.  I want to just extend the flooring in my entry way (at the very top of this photo) down the hall.

The other couple improvements I've hired for here have taken quite a while. So, since things take a while I finally decided to call someone on the "trusted vendor" list from my Realtor for flooring.  

The first guy is too busy/not interested.  "I wasn't looking to do it until at least March."  Didn't matter.

The second guy told me to send him my address, which I did after our call on Monday and then I heard nothing.  Today someone calls and said they want to stop by in 30 minutes, "What?" 

"About the flooring."

"Oh, ok."

So he stops by measures and gives me a quote.  "$600."

"$600?"

"Yes."

Wow.  That doesn't include the flooring which I will purchase ahead of time.  He was ready to do the job. "I don't want it done until at least March," I said.

"Ok just text me when you are ready."

"Should we schedule it?" I asked.

"Anytime is fine."

Now I don't know if it will end up being this easy/quick.  However nothing else I've done here so far has gone so easily (and happily priced), so I was in a bit of shock when he left of the seeming simplicity.

#3 - I emailed a high school friend (who I wasn't sure I even had an email for, and haven't seen in over 10 years even though she lives very close), after seeing the Flamenco group she used to dance with is performing soon. I asked if she would be part of the show.

She isn't.  However her reply and the exchange meant.  "Ok, maybe this is a person to consider keeping in my life." I invited her to a gathering at my place this weekend.

She can't come, but her response told me, "next time invite her." I actually considered inviting her, but I recall inviting her to a similar thing 4 years ago and getting no response from her.  So I assumed either

A. I didn't have her correct email anymore

B. She wasn't interested

Neither of which were true.

#4 - Another friend's mom on the other hand is going to come.  My friend's mom, and my niece.  So there will be people ranging in ages from 12 to 70 something.  I am very curious about how this is turning out.  I have never had this many people over to my "new" place (about 15).  And frankly last year I wouldn't have wanted that because people saying happy things about my "new" place would have just made me sad.  

However, now everyone that is coming has been here before, so the focus will not be on the new place anyway.

#5- It took me a lot longer than 90 minutes to listen to this because I paused it so often. Besides the content, it is so refreshing to see/hear men having such rich/deep conversations.

 

 

Skate Fit

I tried writing gratitudes multiple times tonight and just kept getting stuck.  Finally I realized, I think I'm just supposed to tell this story... 

As I pittered around trying to get the momentum to write, I went to http://centaurwalking.blogspot.com/ and read the January 15th post about fear.  And maybe that will be my entryway - it is about how fear limits us.

I was afraid at the end of my last post, to go to a Skate Fit class.

Now this fear had nothing to do with any sort of harm whatsoever to myself, and yet, it was still powerful.

I'm reminded that Jason Mraz has a tattoo that says, "Beginner" on his arm, which he says, gives himself permission to fail. 

So what happened at skating last week?

Well when I arrived there were people skating and I soon realized it must be private lessons as there were 8-10 skaters all paired up with an instructor.  It was approaching the time for my class and I didn't see anybody, so maybe I'd just be going home?  "This was still worth it," I thought., "At least I tried." It was really beautiful to see these adults working on their skating.

Then I saw 1 woman putting on her skates.  "Are you here for the Skate Fit?" I asked.

"Yes."

"I'm a basic skater so I'm not sure what I'm doing."

"We're just here to have fun," she said.

Well, kind of.  She, myself and 1 other skater entered the rink.  There were 2 instructors and they said what we were going to do for warm up, none of which I understood.  So we started skating and almost instantly split up into 2 groups, the other 2 skaters and an instructor and the other instructor with myself.

I explained that I usually only skate once or twice a year and mostly cross-country ski but we still don't have snow.  They (the instructor asked to be called "they/them") said they were glad the lack of snow brought me there and then proceeded to give me basically a private skate lesson.

I don't know if I've ever had a skate lesson, maybe in early elementary school?  If I did I don't remember it.

One thing I've always wanted to do is be able to stop.  I stop by turning until I run out of momentum.  But we worked on stopping, along with lots of other things I've never done.  They clearly LOVED skating and it shone thru their voice, and eyes and was infectious.  They said they loved skating so much they never had a "real" job, which later really bothered me because there is nothing more real than the enthusiasm they conveyed.

About half way thru the class the other instructor came over to switch (thinking my instructor would want a break from me), and she was also helpful.  She held my foot while I was trying to do the stop and told me I was putting too much weight on it (which is why any stopping motion was more of a falling motion).  So I started learning to keep my weight on my other foot.

When I was leaving I heard one of the other class participants talking about a skating competition she was going to compete in, in another state.

Yeah.  Not my level. She was kind enough to say there are usually more people there of various abilities.

The class was a $10 drop in, but there was no one there to pay.  The instructor said I could still pay online when I got home. When I got home I tried to but the class was closed.  So basically I got a free private skate lesson.

 I was so proud of myself I had difficulty calming down to sleep.  The class is late 8:45-9:30pm.

I told myself I was going to go at least 1 more week.  I wanted to tell the instructor that made the comment about them not having a "real" job that there is nothing more real than loving what you do.

If it ended up being (what to me were) "experts" and then mid level skaters and then me, that would probably be my last time.

So last night was week 2.  There were 4 of us (which I guess is still smaller than usual).  Two of them I'd describe as mid-level skaters, the other said she moved to Minnesota last year, so she learned how to skate and loved it.  The instructors ended up splitting up again, 1 with the mid-level skaters and 1 with the recent move and I.  Some things, like stops though, the instructors said we were going to work on and then gave a bunch of examples.  So I just picked the most basic stop to work on, and the others could work on harder things.  

It was really fun!

I've already skated three times this month. (I went on Sunday with my niece/nephew and my friend's kid), which is more than I usually do all winter.  I realized one reason I only skate 1 or 2 times a winter is because I don't know what to do, I just do the same basic skate and it gets boring.

Last week when I came home I felt proud.

Last night when I came home I felt excited.

Both weeks it was bedtime and too late to call someone, and there is no one else here to share my joy . And I was reminded it is good to have someone to come home to when you are scared or sad or hurt to talk to and get a hug

and it is also good to come home to someone to share your excitement.

And it's ok I don't have that right now

and it's also good to remember.

"Fear halts more dreams than failure ever will"

Will Evans Restless Spirit

 

 

Winter Sports

 #1 - Today I watched my first cross-country ski race.  When I got there I thought, "Why would anyone do this?" You are going to get hot racing so you have to stand around before the race in limited clothing.  It is stressful and cold.  If I were in charge of the world there probably would neither be any racing, nor record breaking.  Some might say a boring place.

Anyway, I didn't know what the parking situation would be. The race started at 4pm.  I arrived at 3:30pm. I saw my niece and learned her race started at 4:30 + 35:40.  That would be another hour and a half!  I brought neither book nor phone to amuse me.  I thought of going for a walk but I also didn't bring a watch.  Sigh.

So I sat in the vestibule of the building and daydreamed, watched the high school kids and answered a grandma's question about the race (the little info I knew).  

Around 4:20 I walked down to the course to get the lay of the land and pretty soon saw my niece in line to start.  So the 35 minutes was 35 minutes after 4pm, not after 4:30.

We only have a dusting of snow still so they are skiing on a man made snow course and would do 2 laps.  There was a good spot to stand where I could see my niece 4 times.  This was a classic ski race (versus skate ski) and most of the kids were poling it most of the way which is a lot of back and upper body strength.

It's so interesting how seeing someone we love do something pulls us in. Before she started I watched the students going by nonchalantly, however once she was in, I was in. It really reinforces to me how what the people we care about do, expands our world. I've skied this course many times (never racing), and yet suddenly I felt it in a whole new way.

At the end she asked me what was more exciting to watch, the cross country running or skiing.  I said the running, because when she runs I run to different points in the course to see her.  It takes a lot more effort and adrenaline from me. But then I thought more about it and in those races everyone starts at the same time so it is easy to ascertain who is winning and losing. In this race, they start staggered, 5 people every 30 seconds.  Plus they are doing 2 laps, so you may know where the people you start with are, but the other people on the course you have no idea if they are ahead of you or behind you.

So despite what I said earlier, it is less stressful, but also less exciting.

#2 - It was also a great day to watch as it was near freezing (around 0 C), whereas the forecast for next week is finally January winter weather (a high of 0 F/-17 C).

#3 - I lost a winter hat at a home visit last year. I lost another one last week.

The family had the second hat when I asked about it today.

#4 - My other family said, "Sorry we have a situation," when I arrived today.  I came in concerned, but the "situation" was simply that the kid was asleep and the mom couldn't get her to wake up. It ended being really nice because her newborn was asleep too so I got to just talk to the mom in the quiet for 15 minutes.  It felt sweet. 

#5 - Finally I am going to try a fitness ice skating class tonight.  It is good this is a gratitude day, because writing that will give me another reason not to change my mind.

I saw skating lessons in the park and rec catalog last month and marked it.  They had beginner, intermediate and advanced levels (for adults).  I have the same basic skating skills I've had since a kid since I go about 1-2 times a year.  "Maybe I should take an intermediate class and actually improve on something." I thought.  But I didn't sign up.

Last week when we STILL didn't have snow (to ski) I called about the class.  I thought it might be cancelled for lack of enrollment, but there is a waiting list!  Go adults!

So I can't do that but they also have this "fitness skate".  It is a 45 minute drop in payment to get exercise while skating.  It does not specify what level of a skater you need to be.  So I'm guessing I might not skilled enough for it.  However it is Monday nights for the next 6 weeks and if I happen to like it then I could keep going.

And if I don't I never have to go again.

It is also 8:45-9:30pm so very close to my bedtime.

So it would be much easier for me to just stay home, however I think of Eleanor Roosevelt at times like these who said, "Do something every day that scares you." And how rarely I do something that scares me.  But this would qualify, so I know I've got Eleanor on my side.