Monday, June 29, 2015

Only in the Movies

Years ago my friend asked me to go camping with her and her child/children when they got a little older because her husband doesn’t like to camp. Of course I would! We planned to go the last weekend in June and added my niece (as her 4th birthday present).
As the scheduled weekend approached, my friend’s husband decided he didn’t want to miss his son’s first camping trip. So the crew continued to expand. It ended up that the aforementioned four of us went up on Friday early afternoon and then on Saturday my friend’s husband, their 3 year old and the sweet man in my life joined us.

#1 – I asked my friend to take a photo of that man and I. I have meant to do so on more than one occasion, but as of yet I had zero pictures of him. I looked at the photo in my camera before I went to bed and was struck by how happy/beautiful I looked.

#2 – The rain which began during the second night, which quieted the campsite, but stopped before morning so that we could pack up in the sun and leave camping as a positive experience for the new/infrequent campers.

Note: This rain did not affect another noise. Sometime in the middle of the night I asked the man next to me, "Is that a car alarm or a bird?" We've both camped a lot but neither of us have heard such a sound. It was incessant and continuous and some sort of animal/bird. Apparently 4 year olds don't wake for such things, but us adults were all quite aware.

Additional Note: I have learned the bird was a whippoorwill.

#3 – The almost 6 year old didn’t want to go home – he was busy building a road in the dirt by our picnic table. My niece on the other hand, when I asked if she wanted to go home or go for another swim, whispered in my ear, “Go home.” She had a good time too, but 48 hours is a while to be gone from mom and dad.

#4 – Reading the sweet man, while sitting in a meditative position and staring into each other’s eyes, the gratitudes (one for each year of his life) that I’d written for him for his birthday. At the beginning I could tell it was a little hard to hear. He’d read them all before (I sent them in the mail a while back), but what do you do with so much goodness? It’s interesting because I was looking at some books by Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt recently (a couple that writes about relationships). They have one called - Receiving love : transform your relationship by letting yourself be loved, whose whole premise is that sometimes it is actually difficult to let yourself be loved.

One of my gratitudes was about when we were at a park one evening with his kids and my niece. It was starting to cool off so he went to his car to grab a fleece long sleeve shirt. He came back and wrapped it over my shoulders even though I was already in long sleeves and he was in a t-shirt. As I read this gratitude to him today I added, “I thought they only did that in the movies.”

“Was that on there?” he asked.

I was touched that he was familiar enough with what I’d written to know I’d ad libbed.

#5 – My friend remarked, as she and I drove to the campsite, about a recent discussion with her husband about the sweet man and I and thinking that the next step for us was to move in together. As she said this I kind of shrugged my shoulders inside – maybe at some point. It didn’t feel like anything in the near future. Then two days later as I dragged on the process of leaving his place to go home, he finally said to me in the kitchen by the door, “If you’re not staying you need to go. Someone has to take charge here.” it suddenly felt a lot closer.

Saturday, June 20, 2015

Big Decisions

#1 - My first gratitude today is that I don't make any big decisions - decisions that will affect the lives of 10 or 100 or a million.

It was supposed to be the opening day for the farmer's market. The market happens rain or shine. However lightning or high winds will cause a suspension of market operations. Even medium winds can be difficult to keep the tents in place. So this morning when we arrived for set-up at 6AM it was lightning. At 6:30AM we cancelled today's market. At 8AM when the market should open it was just light drizzle. At 10AM it was bright sun.

So was this the best decision? Probably not. Was it based on the info we had at the time and the radar showing another front coming through? It seemed to be.

It wasn't even my decision but I still feel a bit bad about it.

I'm glad I'm not in charge of anything monumental in this world.



#2 - Two girls showing me a floor plan diagram of how they want to rearrange their room. "When are you going to do this? Let's do it now."

#3 - The three of us stacking their two single beds back into a bunkbed while their dad made dinner in the kitchen. Then some leftovers from that dinner mysteriously ending up in my bag when I got home.

#4 - The girls and I biked to the store to pick out a father's day surprise (something they already planned to do and now could without their father since I was there). They picked out a card then searched for a gift. I made one minor suggestion on that which they readily jumped on.

#5 -

Child: Are you going to sleep over tonight?

Me: No. Do you want me to sleep over sometime?

Child: Yes, you can sleep with Daddy. He has a big bed.

Friday, June 12, 2015

Friday, June 5, 2015

Last Night's Poem

What are we waiting for
a crack of dawn amidst
this infinite silence?
I hear birds call, reason
has left the room and the humid
air moves across my bare skin.
Somebody told me once that silence
can be painful.  I
didn’t believe that story nor
the one that followed. 
You live in a place
where words follow the direction
of a tongue.  The place
 where darkness comes
behind the backlit leaves
is an invitation.  Turn off the light.  Turn off the light.
Turn off – what is holding you here – to this world
separated from wonder.


Thursday, June 4, 2015

Compiling Evidence

These photos are from a magical experience I had last week when I stopped at Chipotle for lunch. Not only did it say they didn't use GMO ingredients, when I got my burrito I saw that there was a short story from Paulo Coelho on the bag. PAULO COELHO one of my top ten living author heroes! Dispensing wisdom on the bag of a major food restaurant chain! Seriously, this could be the door to a whole new world. I haven't wanted to throw away the bag since. I might cut up a section and put it in my journal. This was already a gratitude last week but it is simply too good to keep to myself.

#1 – “Is that a ukuleke? Yes, it appears to be!” Sitting out back eating dinner I realize that the sounds coming from the deck of the neighbor behind and to the side of me is someone playing a ukulele!

#2 - I borrowed this weightwatchers360 cookbook called Veg Power! 140 recipes to pump up produce, use less meat quite skeptically a while back. Again and again I’ve been surprised by the simple yummi recipes inside, tonight - curried parsnip soup.

#3 - My friend called to say she posted a photo for throw back Thursday on Facebook that I took of her milking a goat.  She said that visit to me in California, when I worked as a teacher connecting people to nature and where their food comes from was probably her #1 adventure.

"More than going to Italy?" I asked.

"Yes." she said, "and I thought I should call and thank you for that opportunity."

#4 -The librarian who leads my library poetry group occasionally sends out his poems.  They are always beautiful, the one he sent today was no exception.  However, when I reread today's poem it appeared he only sent it to me.  Then I looked again and realized, I think  this poem was inspired by me from last night's poetry group.  I asked him if I could share it on my blog and he agreed.  My mind wasn't quite as still as this poem would have one believe, but I was aware of this as I sat in my chair, so there was a deeper/stiller presence behind my mind's wanderings.  So then again, maybe I was.

#5 -
In the world
that tries hard
to be famous through
meaningless words
where everyone competes
to say something better
than another person
it is your capacity
to be still and listen
that touches me deeply
your heart is a sea filled with
honey water -
and the universe wants
a shelter inside your
infinite goodness -

-Guthema Roba