Frederick Douglass

I am grateful to have a quiet weekend at home.  My cousin is visiting and she wanted to go to yoga so I got an early start which led to a productive morning of laundry, washing the dining and bathroom floors, writing a grocery list, making a tofu scramble etc.

During lunch I started reading Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave.  I read an excerpt in The Sun magazine recently and it was easy to connect with and captivating.  I requested it from the library and the narrative voice is truly compelling.  I've learned that Maryland and Baltimore were slave states (I would have guessed that was the North), that slaves pretty much always said their masters treated them well when asked, (because if they didn't it would get back to the master and they'd be punished) and that the worst of a masters reputation was to not feed a slave sufficiently (though it still happened).

Douglass also portrays how his new masters wife was the first white woman he met with a kind face.  She began to teach him his letters.  Soon enough her husband put a stop to that, and with time, being a slaveholder turned her kindness sour.  She had not been a slaveholder when Douglas came into their household.

Douglas continued his thirst to learn to read however, and would give bread to the poor white boys in his neighborhood for a reading lesson.

It seems that often when I try to read old literature, it takes a while to connect.  However, this book written in 1845 the connection was instantaneous and effortless.

Stand In the Spot that Fits

#1 - I typed up most of the relationship agreement that my partner and I have been answering questions to from a book we are working through.  I added how we'll handle each of the 4 horsemen (criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling).  We still need to add our dealing with potential break-up strategy.

#2 - I started the first step in a job search (or my idea of one) of reflecting on past jobs, why I took them, what I learned from them, and seeds planted during those times in my life.

#3 - I spent time outside on a gorgeous fall day - raking leaves, walking to pick up the car, washing and vacuuming the car with 10 year old enthusiastic assistance.

#4 -  My partner, his kids and I did my across the room game.  I had a list of statements from - "I like to go to bed early" to "I enjoy winter" to "My life often feels stressful".  If we agreed with the statement we'd stand on one side of the room, if we disagreed, we'd stand at the other.  And shades of agreement had each of us standing somewhere in the middle.  We not only all participated but I was surprised to find everyone enjoyed it.

#5 - I actually created the activity to find out some things that if we just flat out asked the kids, would be unlikely that they'd answer honestly.  However I really enjoyed seeing the response to such things as  - "I enjoy cooking" (all three of them were at the wall for a yes, while I was in the middle of the room).  "I enjoy swimming" had one child leave the room and head to the other end of the house (she loves to swim).   "I feel safe at school," or "There are things that are hard for me to talk about with my parents," brought the important information I was initially looking for, and hopefully can be a stepping stone to talk more about those topics in the future.

George Crosby Manitou State Park

I started the day listening to a recent talk given by the Dalai Lama. Luckily I could think back on this when Saudi Arabia was in the news and I started to become infuriated by the United States alliance with and support of a country with such horrific human rights.  I remembered how he'd answer a question with, "That situation is very serious," and then two minutes later be laughing and jolly again.  He reminded me of a floating bobber, you can push it down, but it will just pop back up.

***

I did end up going camping last weekend, right now in fact I am drinking the last of the water that we filtered out of the river and remained in my water bottle.  After we returned I sent a few photos to a few friends, including my best friend from high school who I met with when she was in town recently.  We hadn't seen each other in a few years, though we'd had a couple long phone conversations, including one on my birthday a year and half ago during my temporary break-up with my partner.  Because I so rarely talk to her and we had such a good/long conversation, she really was an angel to me that day.

After I sent the photos she replied, "The pictures are wonderful!  Thanks for sharing!  It is always nice to put a face with a name.

Your camping adventure sounded very rewarding.  I have no desire to camp in the cold weather.  But, it looked liked you were prepared - mentally as well as physically!"  

 

And it's true, we were prepared.  I thanked my community ed fitness teacher for all the squats she has us do.  And Mr. Winter (as my former manager calls him) set up tarps over our food prep area and the space where we kept our stuff.   This photo below was taken during some of the brief sun that weekend, it was mostly cloudy or drizzly.  So if I needed to add a sweater, I could go under a tarp and take off my raincoat without getting all wet.  And my sleeping bag was for -15F so cozy and warm.

  I was truly surprised to be so comfortable with a high of 48 (9 C) and a low of 35 (1-2C).   It certainly helped that there was zero wind and the rain, though off and on, was always light.

When we left Mr. Winter said he had a feeling he didn't quite have the words for.  This morning the words came to him and I have his permission to include them here.

Subject: I think I figured it out

Good morning Babe,

Remember, I think it was while we were packing the car after our hike out when I told you how there was a feeling about the weekend that I didn't quite have the words for?  Well, on the walk into work this morning it came to me. First the backstory, remember two or three or so weeks ago I rhetorically asked why we seemed to "be" in different places so often? This morning I identified the feeling I couldn't identify as the two of us being in the same place at the same time. The whole weekend I felt that you were there because you wanted to be, not because of me. I wanted to be there with you and you wanted to be there with me... we were in the same place at the same time. It was an amazingly beautiful weekend that meant so very much to me. Being there with you like that was a dream come true. I'm no longer an outdoor lover who's girlfriend is at home or where ever. Please don't take this as an expectation that you'll be going to the edge of winter/wilderness camping with me. I will do my very best to help plan safe and slightly challenging trips with you. I'm just enjoying allowing the memory of this weekend fill my being with gratitude and love.

Your Failures

#1 - The warm weather today, even though it will not last beyond today, still helps it make sense that I am going hike in camping this weekend. It should be perfect timing for fall colors and if I can turn the cold into an adventure, I might have a great time.

#2 - I helped a family member make a phone call today about a financial situation and the results were better than either of us expected.

#3 - An email exchange that started getting confusing I asked if we could switch to phone later. The response, "I'm sorry. I don't mean to cause any confusion or stress...I'll stop the emails 'till we can talk." Which was a relief. Sometimes email makes things simpler, sometimes it doesn't.

#4 - While picking raspberries from the garden I started thinking,

"Thank you berries, thank you rain, thank you..." and then I started thinking, "Hey spontaneous gratitude, I can use that as a gratitude today."

#5

 YOUR FAILURES

I know

you’ve expressed

deep gratitude

for your success and

all the good things

that have happened for you.

Have you been also

grateful for your failures

dear friend?

It is your failures

that have opened you

and made you softer.

Your failures have

turned you into

a beautiful love

Statement,

the deepest meaning

Hidden inside a poem.

Guthema Roba