Friday, November 15, 2013


Recently someone congratulated me on accomplishing my goal of playing an open mic every other month this year, (I "only had one left and still had two months to complete it"). Note - I learned one way to make me flip out is to congratulate me for completing something that is not finished. I want to be worthy of the congratulations.

I've been hoping to have a new song to play for my last one, but I haven't written any in months, so I specifically sat down Tuesday evening with the intention of writing a song. I started at least. The theme/repeating line of the song is "If I had the worth." I guess it has been a while coming.

I watched this "Help Desk" video clip with Deepak Chopra a couple months back. A woman was asking about how to enter a healthy relationship. Chopra told her to visualize a relationship - someone she knows or make him up. He then told her to "look them in their eyes and say mentally to them, "I love myself exactly as I am. I am a beautiful person. I am a lovely person. I love myself exactly as I am." Reinforce that. Look that person right in the eye and see the look of recognition in their eyes. Do this, you will attract the right person."

That was powerful for me, because I was surprised by how difficult it was. Do I love myself? Yes. Do I love myself exactly as I am? No. So do I really love myself? Hmm.

I'm reading Brene Brown right now and she asks, "Can we love others more than we love ourselves?" Brown doesn't want the answer to be No, but seems to have decided it is. She goes on to write -

"The greatest challenge for most of us is believing that we are worthy now, right this minute. Worthiness doesn't have prerequisites. So many of us have knowingly created/unknowingly allowed/been handed down a long list of worthiness prerequisites:

I'll be worthy when I lose twenty pounds.
I'll be worthy if I can get pregnant.
I'll be worthy if I get/stay sober.
I'll be worthy if everyone thinks I'm a good parent.
I'll be worthy when I can make living selling my art...

Here's what is truly at the heart of Wholeheartedness: Worthy now. Not if. Not when. We are worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is. (24)"

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are: Your Guide to a Wholehearted Life

My list would begin more like:

I'll be worthy when I find a way to connect my gifts with a profession/income...
I'll be worthy when I feel confident of where my life is headed...

Without these things can I look someone in the eye and say I love myself exactly as I am? This moment? No. But I'm willing and that is what is required for change - willingness. I know even if I achieved whatever list I came up with, I would replace it with another, so I can chase a list my whole life, or learn to love the list I have.

I guess Chopra's meditation is a good place to begin.

When I sat down to write this, I began thinking of things I appreciated about my day, but the fact is they were thoughts not feelings. What felt relevant right now was exploring these ideas. So thanks for listening.


  1. That was a good post.

    I, personally, don't know if I'll ever be able to love myself.
    To be honest, I don't really get what it means "to love myself".

    I heard someone on the radio saying "pretend you are living with yourself". Now if you are not happy with who you are, then it is as if you're living with someone who's constantly nagging "I'm too fat", "I don't like my job", "I'm jealous of my sister", "I don't have enough self-confidence", ... whatever.
    Could you live with someone like that? If you can't, then how can we expect someone else to do so?
    So instead of focussing on the things we are not happy with, focus on what we are happy with and focus on the others.

    (still, it's easily said...)

  2. Oh, you know what I was thinking about just a couple of hours ago? It's a bit related to what you say about feeling confident of where your life is headed and being worthy NOW.

    I was thinking that I used to be very strict in my thinking. Like "I am not able do that", "I don't like that", "This doesn't work." "I am not like that." "That's the way I am".
    And I noticed that I am getting more flexible. That I start thinking (sometimes) "I am not able to do that now", "That am not like that now, but in a couple of years I may have changed".
    You understand?
    Because I have learned that nothing ever remains firm and unchanged. There is no strict reality.
    And it gives brings some serenity. Things which seem impossible, may work out, when the time is ready.
    My life will change and I will change as a person (for the better I hope).
    So I don't have to know where I'm going to, and I don't have to be everything right now.
    Now I am just what I am today.
    And all that I'm not, I may still become (or not).
    Takes away a bit of the pressure :)