Yesterday I opened a document on my desktop, unsure what it contained. It was written a year and a half ago to the man I had recently started dating. Here is an excerpt,
“…Anyway, I expect a relationship to take work. And though (like my friend) I was hesitant to ask you to do the exercises in the Hendrix book with me (if I think they are worth doing – haven’t got that far yet), I don’t see a long term future with someone who wasn’t willing to do that (or something like it – doesn’t have to be a specific methodology) with me. So maybe that’s part of what I mean when I can see 6 months with you. Relationships have different stages. Harville Hendrix has three which he calls something like:
#1 – Attraction – (I forget what he called it but you know the happy/easy stage)
#2 – Power Struggles – which can end in
A. periodic/continuous fighting,
B. disconnected coexistence,
D. or progress on to
#3 – Conscious Connection
So what happens when we get to the power struggles? I don’t know. I know my parents (who were great teachers in many things), did not offer me a healthy model in this respect) and that is an unstable foundation…”
I’m reminded of this today because yesterday I went to the library and looked to see if they had any Harville Hendrix books on the shelf. I wanted something to read this weekend. They had one, it’s called Making Marriage Simple: 10 Truths for Changing the Relationship you Have into the One You Want. I’m not married, but the people on the back cover say it can benefit every relationship in your life.
I’ve only barely looked at the book, but everything I’ve seen so far is already immensely reassuring. Two of the chapters that most interest me right now are - Truth #6 Negativity is Invisible Abuse, and #7 Negativity is a Wish in Disguise. Facing the truth of #6 but adding that beneath that lays something deeper, possibly a gift if searched for.
I’m also happy to see #9 - Your Marriage is a Laughing Matter. Amen to that. So so important to find lightheartedness.
My heart was lightened early last week when an immensely appealing Plan B appeared for my Christmas. I needed a Plan B and my uncle invited me to go downhill skiing with him and my cousins. YES!
It ended up raining much of Christmas day so that plan never happened, but it wasn't cancelled, just postponed. Today is now the plan and I need it just as much.
When author Cheryl Strayed asked her mother how she could be so happy when so much was wrong in her life, her mother said, “There’s a sunrise and sunset every day and you can choose to be there for it, you can put yourself in the way of beauty.”
Or like I can find the beauty in my menstrual cramps today because it means that after my surgery I kept my uterus.