Tuesday, July 17, 2012

I am a Town

#1 - A while back I posted Yummy Earth Organic Wild Peppermints as a gratitude.  Let me add to that...when I stick one on the roof of my mouth it lasts for a while and if I take a sip of cool water and hold it, the flavor permeates my entire mouth.

#2 - I am a Town by Mary Chapin Carpentar - that song washes over me, asks me to breathe deeply and always has.

#3 - This slowing down reminded me of catching a train with friends.  We were going to miss it, so we ran.  Well two of us did, one didn't.  "She refuses to be in a hurry anymore," her partner told me.  I understood this.  I respected this.  However, we would have missed the train had the two of us not run ahead to buy tickets.

This got me thinking about the nature of hurrying and how it is almost always stressful.  But I remembered another occasion - transferring from a train to a ferry.  It was a large station with multiple floors.  We didn't have much time.  So we ran.  It felt like I was in a movie.  It felt like an adventure.  It felt fun.

#4 - I had a really yummi breakfast that I've probably been grateful for before, but I will still describe it - full-fat vanilla yogurt, strawberries, walnuts, rolled oats and currants.  I'll add to this that I have been taking short showers, because I have been taking cold showers, because it has been so hot.   Since over half the nation is in some state of drought that can be a small contribution. And Carrie Elkin - Company of Friends  (song). 

#5 - Being Available - I remember in college when a roommate of mine needed to go to the hospital for some reason.  I wanted to be available and support her fully and I had my own college workload in the back of my mind.  Luckily I worked ahead of time so I go with her without sacrificing much, but it really bugged me that if it had been a bigger sacrifice I couldn't give it unconditionally.  I thought I would still make the "right choice", going to the hospital with her, but I didn't think I would be there fully.  I didn't have a word for "presence" yet, but I was knew that it mattered and that just being there physically wasn't enough.

I still don't have the answer to this - how to be available for what is really important in life.  Or rather, I have an answer but I don't particularly like it - have a job that doesn't pay much and isn't very important, don't have anything in your life that requires too much of you.  Some days I don't like this lack of direction/commitment.  Other days, I get an email from a friend, which she has sent to a lot of friends, talking about going through a hard time and asking for support and I think, "I'm on it!"

1 comment:

  1. Hello Tammy,

    I'm thinking about your last point and just reading "don't have anything in your life that requires too much of you" makes me sad.

    I understand what you mean but in my experience (and this doesn't refer to you at all, of course), people who lack direction/commitment to something in their life, will not all at once show commitment towards you just because you need them.

    I don't think it is a choice but a way of being and an ability to prioritize.

    My Love, for example, has quite an important function which he also takes very seriously. Yet, when I or someone else need him, he drops everything there and then because we are his overall priority. He could have gotten fired lots of times but hasn't been, because (in my opinion) they see what he stands for. They see he's a man of principles and this way of acting reassures them that he uses this same passion at work too.

    It takes a strong personality to pull this off.
    We are so much drilled that work comes before everything, but really it doesn't. It's just a job. One you dedicate yourself to. But still just a job.

    I think commitment is not a choice, but what you commit to.

    Maybe that's where most people get lost...