Friday, October 5, 2012

Lack of Tidy

#1 - I've been doing yoga for 15 years now, and today I wondered, "Is this what it feels like to be married?" Something that began so nurturing, exciting, special, possibly even life-transforming - now is ordinary. I forget how it felt when my mind first started being quieted, my body being stretched, how I'd walk out of class feeling like I was walking on a cloud. Now, I certainly feel good when I leave, but the elation isn't the same.

Today there was a moment - the music got loud and rhythmic, I looked in the mirror and I completely dove in. A few moments later the music was turned down and I was back, but that glimpse helped me remember how it used to feel - maybe a bit like marriage?

Granted, even now, if I go for a week without yoga I do miss it. Maybe a bit like marriage too?

#2 - I thought it was pointless to try an tell a child who is not even 1 1/2 to stay back while her grandpa replaces his back door. She can watch but can't come close. But to my amazement I watched my niece cautiously approach but keep a four foot distance, at one point laying on her stomach and sliding backwards across the kitchen floor (something I'd never seen her do).

#3 - As I observed her I thought, "She is absorbed like she is watching television, but it's her grandpa fix something."

#4 - The soft voice that my father spoke to her with when she came in the room crying.

#5 - "Living in a pretty unorganized and not-as-tidy-as-I'd prefer home. The other side of choosing to spend free time not at home on the weekends." I read this on my friend Jill's blog yesterday and it is felt so reassuring to me both then and now. The top of my dresser has been a mess for the past few weeks, and reading this reminds me it is not just out of laziness but rather because of a project and focusing on other things.

1 comment:

  1. they say if your marriage starts to be too much of a habit, you shouldn't think your partner doesn't pay you enough attention any more, you should do so yourself. Dress up for him, think about what you liked about him at the beginning, try to see him that way again, change the habits, do other things, make love on other places, ...

    maybe you could do that too? try to go back to the emotions it gave you at the beginning and renew them? may be change "habits" or places?
    I don't know anything about yoga, so I don't know what possibilities there are...