What Hurts the Most

#1 -  I had a few lines in my head this morning, 

"What hurts the most, 

was being so close 

and having so much to say, 

then watching you walk away..."

I typed those lines in and landed on the song -

 

#2 - Having a job where I can sit at my desk and cry.

#3 - Where did that come from?  That song is 12 years old and not one I ever paid attention to.  And yet, today, thru the ethers it traveled into my heart.

What would we do without artists?  Seriously if we (and that means me too) spent more money supporting the arts and less on weapons and things we throw away, it really doesn't seem like it would take that much to have a new world.

 

 

 

#4 - I love the first wall I painted in my place, it seemed the most risky, dark and dramatic.  I planned for it to be an accent wall.  But the other walls, they didn't really work before or after I started my second color.  I sent my friend a couple photos and she agreed it was abrupt and that is why she doesn't like accent walls.  

Some accent walls look great, this didn't.  So I'm about to go buy another can of paint and make the whole room the dark color.  I'm hesitant about this too. My cousins are coming to visit this weekend, and hopefully help with some painting.  But I wanted to make progress first on the room they are sleeping in so it could air out a bit.  I sent my cousins the picture of what I'm dealing with and one responded.

"I think a dark room is so relaxing, love it!"

Alright that is the encouragement I needed. 

 

 

 

#5 - Today's podcast listen - Breaking Cycles & Reparenting Yourself with Dr. Becky KennedyWe Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle

"I believe you.  These are the three most important words to say to a kid.  I believe you." Dr. Becky Kennedy.   

"Boundaries answer, "Am I safe?' Validation and empathy I could cry as I think about this, I think answer a kid's question, 'Am I real? Am I real? Do the things that I feel inside me that have no markers in the outside world, are they real?'" Dr. Becky Kennedy

"I really believe a kid's job in their earliest years is to feel and experience, their entire range of emotions, like that's actually their job." Dr. Becky Kennedy

"The more intense our attachment with someone, the more intensely they are going to trigger the same circuits from our earliest love/attachment relationship."  Dr. Becky Kennedy

"We look to shut down in others, what we had to shut down in ourselves, that's the trigger moment." Dr. Becky Kennedy

"Whenever you are triggered by somebody, don't try to shrink the thing in the other person, try to grow the thing in yourself."  Dr. Becky Kennedy

This is an obvious one to me.  I am triggered by other people's anger.  Bingo, I need to grow some anger in myself.  

The assignment at the end of the episode was to complete this sentence, "I'm a good person who____."

I'm a good person who shuts down and disconnects sometimes from people I love.