Still Here

 I am not sure how I have not posted gratitudes here for almost a month when I've had so much time at home.  Regardless, today I emailed a woman who lived in my building (and who moved out a couple months ago) to ask if I could use her parking space for upcoming book club since I don't think anyone is living there yet.  She said I could and wrote, "Hope all is well!" at the end of the message.  I decided to reply, "On a more personal note..." and filled her in on my situation.  She responded, 

#1 - "I’m not at the condo too often but am not far, so if you ever need any help with anything don’t hesitate to reach out - I mean it!"

#2 - I had a session with a former therapist today online (mostly was a therapist with my former partner and I).  I can't tell you how valuable it feels to already have that established relationship and ability to just "pull it out of my back pocket" in a way.  I remember when I started my relationship being adamant about finding a therapist before we needed one.  I knew my parents did not set a healthy example and the last thing I wanted to do when in the midst of discord is search for a therapist who is taking patients (and who you like).

I hadn't really thought about having that person just available and ready when you need it in your single life, but just as handy.

#3 - She said she heard my playfulness and sense of humor. Well I haven't heard those things in myself the last couple months so I couldn't believe she did.  She also said with fear (I've been starting my mornings with fear), Jon Kabat Zinn says that walking is better than sitting (in meditation). I get that.

#4 - I am going to sign up for an event on Saturday morning.  This will be the first time in 2 months I have done such a thing.  I may or may not feel like going, but at least I can.

#5 - I just looked at some emails I saved.  One from a friend whose mom works with my condition.  The friend said

"make sure your brain isn't getting too much input."  Yeah I get that.