Shows What I Know

#1 - It is rare to have such a perfect day for outdoor winter activities - warm sun, no wind and plenty of snow that is neither slushy nor icy. I was feeling a bit guilty as I drove to a park rather far away to cross-country ski, but once I got on the trail I was more than happy to have gone somewhere different. It was further from the city and there seemed to be a lot of people (cars) there but once I went farther than the basic trail there was hardly anyone and it was quiet (except for inside my brain which rarely shuts up :).

#2 - I went to a bachelorette party last night. I'm grateful for Tammy-style which involved leaving at 10pm and not drinking anything alcoholic, so it was easy to get up this morning and spend time with my favorite 3 year old.

#3 - He and I went to an indoor playground. For the first time with me he wanted to climb up this tree trunk. I usually follow him around everywhere, but that thing was too small and tight and I started feeling claustrophobic. So when he wanted to go back in I said I'd meet him at the next opening. I guess he changed his mind though and went back up so we were briefly split up. I saw him at the bottom of the play area looking for me and I called his name from where I was perched above him. He did not hear me, but there was a woman sitting near him who saw his confused expression and saw me looking at him and saying his name. She tapped him and pointed up to me, thank you.

#4 - I am writing this from a beautiful library in a part of town I am not familiar with after skiing. I thought I'd check if there was a natural grocery store anywhere around here so I stopped in to look it up. There isn't one on my way, but I am still grateful to have visited this library which conveniently appeared on my path.

#5 - I was thinking recently that I dcn't have much going on volunteer-wise right now. Then I got a call the other day. The group that worked to prevent marriage as being defined as one man, one woman in the MN constitution is now working to gay legalize marriage in MN. I'm not sure MN is ready for it, but I also didn't expect to win the last marriage vote, so shows what I know!

So, I went to make phone calls. There were only 7 or so of us at this suburban church. Most of us were younger, but there were a couple of gray haired, mainstream looking men. It always impresses me to see them making calls on this. Later I overheard one of these men tell the person on the phone that he has been in a committed relationship for 24 years and that they would love to get married in their home state for their 25th anniversary. 25 years. Yeah.

Tax

One weekend last February I thought my life was a bit pathetic as I had nothing better to do than work on my taxes. However, a month or so later I was quite grateful to have my taxes done as I had "better" things to do than my taxes.

#1 - Once again my life feels rather uneventful and I'm working on my taxes because of this. Instead of thinking my life boring, I will remind myself, "Maybe I'm creating space that I will appreciate in the future."

#2 - I also requested an annual credit report. Something I've been meaning to do, but thanks to LACK OF EXCITEMENT, today I made it happen.

#3 - I did go cross-country skiing briefly. I still have a cough and am tired, actually when I got to the park I wanted to take a nap rather than ski. Guess what? I did. I just leaned my seat back, closed my eyes and rested for 15 minutes or so. That is certainly a benefit to being by myself.

#4 - "I miss u and ur fun sense of humor." Alright I am not sure who my friend is talking about, I am one of the most serious people I know. But anyway, I'll take it.

#5 - Seeing my Dad captivated by Al Gore's appearance on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me (the radio show I was listening to.) I didn't know he had an interest in Mr. Gore.

One Thing Leads to Another

#1 - I went to a restorative yoga class (all relaxation no work) last Sunday. It was during the superbowl so there were only four of us in class, and at first I was the only person there so the instructor said, "Tammy do you want to try something fun tonight?"

"Of course."

Anyway, I've seen many photos on calendars/magazines of people doing impressive things in yoga. If I were on one of these, this is the pose I would want, impressive relaxation. It felt awesome. And since I don't have a magazine I will publish it here.

#2 - Hearing a voicemail of my cousin singing Happy Birthday (not to me) and really enjoying it. She has some real entertainment skills, that song usually is a bit grating to me.

#3 - I went to bed last night in sweatpants, a sweatshirt, a hood, my regular blankets and a sleeping bag on because I was coming down with something and just couldn't get warm. At some point in the night I took off the sleeping bag and at a later point no longer needed my hood.

#4 - I also could barely swallow during the night my throat felt so swollen, today it is slightly sore but nothing like it was.

#5 - I spent New Year's Eve in Nashville, TN. It was a trip only planned a few weeks before that. During a quiet evening alone at home I realized that it wasn't that I needed to do something different this New Year's Eve, but rather to besomewhere different. Then I started scrolling through friends I could visit and when I thought of a friend in Nashville I felt a deep feeling of peace. It was a crazy thought, but it felt right. I didn't look up airfare until the next day as I suspected it would deplete the peace I felt, and it did. But I couldn't let it go, so I emailed the friend in the hope she wouldn't even be in town and I could forget about it. However she not only was going to be in town, she didn't have plans and really wanted me to come.

So I bought a ticket and picked up a Nashville guidebook from the library. When I read the post for The Bluebird Cafe I immediately had the impulse to play there. It is inexplicable as I have never felt this before. I asked my friend if she had someone she could borrow a guitar from (using the excuse that I wanted to play her my songs, which was also true) and the next thing I know she had one. The Bluebird Cafe is a "listening room" so people aren't talking and it is only for singer/songwriters. Both of which helped me, plus the fact it seemed easier to do in a strange city where I could leave the whole thing behind. It is a popular place to play so you often don't get a chance the first time my friend warned me as we headed over there. "That's fine, I can at least say I tried." I responded.

So we lined up, but my name in a basket and they started drawing. The MC said they typically get through 35 people a night. So he is reading off the names #1..., #2...., #3..., #18..., #19..., #30...#31 - Tammy..(it's me I'm in.)

The remarkable thing is I wasn't nervous, which I realized after listening to some Eckhart Tolle, was because I wasn't thinking. I was just there listening, enjoying the other performers, occasionally wondering how I would tune the guitar, but then letting the thought go. My friend told me afterwards she took a photo, but I only saw it for the first time this week and I don't even recognize the person there. She looks so natural, like she does this all the time. Which I obviously don't, and in fact may or may not ever do it again, but once agin like #1, I'm grateful for the forum to share this story and for doing things outside your normal realm if/when
it feels right.

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Pep Talk from Kid President

#1 - I went to a Moth StorySlam event last night (open mic storytelling) and got to bed later than usual. I wasn't sure I would get up for my Thursday early morning yoga class today. I set my alarm, but I gave myself permission not to go, or rather, this morning I didn't try to convince myself to go, I just went.


#2 - I gave the studio owner the research I did on purchasing alternative energy through the regular power company - like an exchange. It doesn't mean our power would actually come from wind power, but they would put that money into increasing the wind power capacity. When she asked me if I would do eco-research for her instead of my cleaning work exchange, I was hesitant. Mostly because I get tired after cleaning for 2 1/2 hours, so I clearly need the exercise, and this would mean sitting in front of a computer instead. However, now I am grateful to have learned about this, and looking forward to what I will learn next.

#3 - Feeling inundated and exasperated while looking at a wedding gift registry, not because there was anything unusual about it - it just so much stuff. So many of us just have so much STUFF. I called a friend and she didn't tell me I was being ridiculous.

#4 - I heard an interview with the head (I think) of Chicago's Ceasefire program on The Story. I have such respect for that program and the people in it. I watched a film about the program last year which I recommend. http://interrupters.kartemquin.com/

# 5 -

Today's Mystery

#1 - I didn't have glasses the last time I renewed my driver's license, and now I mostly wear them while on the computer, not all the time.  Anyway, I brought them with today in case they were needed, but I passed the eye exam without them.

#2 - My county charges extra if you pay with a credit card (and they don't take Visa, because Visa won't let you do that.)  This might make a few people think about the fact that every time you use a card you are giving money to the credit card companies (and taking a little away from the business where you use it.)

#3 - Sometimes I just want to hide away and "not deal with people" but then other times I find interacting with people to be the most rewarding thing there is.  An ever present dichotomy I was reminded of today after a fulfilling work interaction that made time fly by.

#4 - Listening and harmonizing with some of Jason Mraz's new songs on YouTube while on the computer (Outta Yours Hands and My Best Friend.)  Feels like a warm nurturing blanket.

#5 - There is a mystery of the recipient that I cannot figure out.  I started writing a letter a few days ago, pages later I put it in the mail today.  I had no idea it was going to be that long and though it does not directly relate to the friend I am sending it to, her energy had something to do with it.  Meaning if I were just writing in my journal, or even writing to anyone else, I know the letter would not have come out the way it did.  Similarly, today I have a few questions to answer someone and I find my mind mentally composing a long response.  But I know part of the reason the response is long is based on the person asking it, meaning I could be answering the same question from a different person and have much less to say on the matter.  How does this work?  Thoughts anyone?

Serious Daring

I've been feeling a bit down the last few days, maybe because I came home from a nourishing visit with a friend, maybe because I applied for a job I was excited about and well qualified for and it looks like I won't hear anything back, maybe... Here are a few simple things today that penetrated through this -

#1 - Walking/jogging to the thrift store. Just that little time outdoors moving was helpful.

#2 - Buying a schmancy orange dress that I will probably never wear and therefore didn't make sense to buy, but it made me smile.  (It was $3).

#3 - Writing the word 'schmancy' for the first time.

#4 - My niece's dance move with her left arm, no shoulder, just arm.

#5 -

"I am a writer who came of a sheltered life, a sheltered life can be a daring life as well, for all serious daring comes from within."

Eudora Welty

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