Slow Motion

 #1-#2 - My car briefly made an awful sound when I started it Monday.  Since my dad died, I do not have someone in my life that knows about cars.  I had the thought for a while that I should find someone so when I do have an issue, I'm not adding searching to the stress.

Thankfully a couple months ago I did just that.  I brought the car in, without any issues, to a place my brother tried and had a good experience with for an overall check.

So Monday I didn't debate long.  I called that same place and made an appointment.  The issue did not reappear and the result of bringing it in was that it was probably a piston misfiring, but nothing to address for now.  They didn't charge me anything. I'm so grateful to have known where to turn instead of just "hoping" it was nothing, but carrying around fear beneath.

Having access like this is immense wealth. 

#3 - The car place is near my brother's so I met my nephew after school.  As I waited for him, he approached acting like (to my eyes a peacock), to his later explanation an ostrich, and kept up the acting for a few minutes before saying, "Hi Tammy."

#4 - Quote from that same nephew, "We read your holiday card yesterday and it sounded just like your identity explained."

#5 - My niece and nephew singing, "Meows" to the tune of some song they knew together. 

Posner and Swimming

#1 - Rich Rolls second podcast interview with Mike Posner (see artist song on previous post).  I listened to the first hour yesterday and today I listened to minutes 50-60 a second time.  Also in the second hour there was a 10 minute section I listened to again, it was worth really letting it sink in. It reminds me of how we show up in the world is a reflection of what the people around us bring out.

For example, I have noticed how important when I'm writing a letter the recipient is to the content.  What emerges from me often needs the energy in some way from whom the letter is addressed to.

#2 - In the conversation a few times Mike said, "I had to" or "I have to," and then he would add, "I didn't have to, I wanted to."  That is a reframing I often make myself.

#3 - A good friend of mine's son recently decided to join the high school swim team.  This same friend had been a bit sad that they don't do as much together anymore as he is a teenager.  But she was on the swim team in high school and now they've been practicing together.  When she told me he had his first meet I responded, "Maybe I'll come."

I wasn't sure why I had the impulse, however it was nearby, if I've been to a swim meet I don't recall it, and I love supporting people trying new things.

#4 - At the meet I asked my friend, "Did you ever swim the longest race?" (500 meter)

 "Yes, do you remember Micah?" (We went to the same high school.)

"Yes," I vaguely remembered him.

"He walked up and down the pool cheering me on the whole time I swam that. I still remember that."

It is over 25 years later and my friend remembers a teenage boy who took 6 minutes of his life to cheer her on during hard race.

You just never know how small acts of showing up can matter.

#5 - Right Now by Mary Bue

Right Now

Mike Posner - Beautiful Day

 

Succinct and Pertinent

#1 - I TRIED TO GET THIS TO embed and be near the end, Minutes 1:05:55-1:07:19, but I'm getting frustrated and going to have to let that go.

Succinct and Pertinent - This couple minutes makes a lot of sense and synthesizes a few things (politically).

#2 - This time of year is in between exercise wise.  I don't jog or bike. I can't cross country ski..I have little patience for treadmills, but last year I discovered the "Sprint 8" workout. It is a 20 minute work out, but you walk most of it.  A warm-up, then 8 30 second runs, each followed by a 2 minute walk. I play soccer once a week and that involves sprinting and recovery.  I get excited to play and then I'm on the field and yikes, it's hard. So this is good for me.

So I'm starting to try and incorporate this Sprint 8 workout mid-week/Wed.  Today I could do it over lunch or, since my last family cancelled - around 5pm.  I was tempted to wait til 5. It was appealing to put it off, even though I knew I'd probably regret that.

But instead of arguing with myself, I told myself, "You can wait if you want," and I meant it.  And that allowance to not force it, made me walk over and do it, because I knew that would ultimately make me feel better.

#3 - After I got off the treadmill an older gentleman remarked, "You make me jealous. I can't do that anymore."

#4 - I listened to Womenfolk on KFAI community radio this AM and discovered a new artist - Antje Duvekot 

 

#5 -  The family that cancelled today said Wed no longer works for them.  I'm happy the day they picked is the other day I already work evenings, so now I can do all my late visits on the same day.

Bluewhisper

 #1 - I still like Latte ASMR and Gentle Whispering ASMR best.  However there are other voices I find soothing - Whispers Red, Falling UP, and most recently Bluewhisper.

#2 - I'm doing one evening home visit a week. During the visit we are supposed to ask the parents what they want to work on.  During my evening visit the mom has come to me with things to practice (she was told areas to work on during the kindergarten assessment). This makes me feel like we are a team, which is the whole point of the program.

#3 - Tuesdays is the one day a week the fitness center I exercise at has a 6:30AM class. I only get up slightly earlier to do that, but it is still a challenge, especially when my alarm wakes me in the middle of a dream about a big wave pool/ocean. I want to keep going, not only for the exercise, but because I want them to keep offering this time slot.

There is only 1 other woman who regularly attends with me.  I know people pay a lot of money for personal training, however that is not appealing to me.  I like the energy of others exercising with me, and in this case, at least the 1 woman who continues attending.

#4 - I picked up Ani Di Franco's memoir for some reading material this weekend.

#5 - Sometimes children and adult food preferences don't match.  However in the case of the Duluth Grill, my niece and nephew had a great experience there last year and enthusiastically want to eat there again thankfully.

Skating

 #1 - I had my third ice skating lesson tonight.  I probably took some sort of lesson when I was a little kid.  If my mom were alive she'd remember.  I know she enjoyed ice skating.  But as an adult tonight was my third actual "class" and I did my first crossover.  Last week we did the foundation for crossovers, which I didn't even know what they were but my lay man's definition is "real skating".  I caught on quick!  Backwards crossovers however, I think that is going to take a while.

#2 - We also tried "hockey stops" tonight.  I have always thought hockey stops are a bit sexy. The grace and power combined I guess.

#3 - When I walked out of skating I unexpectedly splashed in a puddle, I was wearing rain boots. I laughed.

#4 - I opened my pantry.  I thought, "This is wealth."

#5 - A meditative song -

Follow

from Into the Night by Robinson & Rohe

Little Things

 #1 - I have a post election cold.  I woke up Wed morning with a sore throat (despite going to bed Tuesday early without looking at any media).  Friday night I went to hear some music and then had guests so I did not get to bed early.  Last night I was asleep by 9pm and slept til after 6 which I really needed.  I remind myself, "This is wealth."

#2 - This morning I moved my desk back into my "office/guest room" after finishing painting and am typing from there right now.  I look forward to my bedroom being just a resting space again, though really having the desk in there worked fine too.

#3 - And I have 1 piece of furniture I want to move back that is difficult to move by myself, but instead of trying (which I have done in the past even though it's not a good idea), I have a friend visiting this weekend, so she can help me move it tonight.

#4 - I used to have 2 paring knives. A couple years ago 1 disappeared, and now so has the second.  I'm assuming the 2nd will reappear, but regardless, I've been thinking about getting another one for a while now.  I have a Target gift card from work so I just looked online and picked that and something else.  However I was still $10 short of free shipping (both items I picked where not available for pick up).  I didn't want to make up something to buy, but I thought a while and found something I usually get at the co-op to add to my order.  It came out $.05 over my remaining gift card amount with three delivery dates.  "So wasteful," I thought, until I realized I could get $1 off my order by combining delivery dates. Of course, my preference anyway!

#5 - My wrists were really bothering me a couple weeks ago.  However I started doing the exercises again that a PT recommended a few years back for this issue, and it is really helping! I am so grateful to have the resources to know what to do in this situation, before the problem grows.

Done Painting for Now

#1 - I'm done painting (for now at least).

original color

1st paint job

now

 

#2 - I'm also done door knocking for this election cycle. I did the last one I plan to do today. 

After I had some time to support a friend in a tough time and do the simple acts of listening and helping her prep dinner.

  #3 - I got my Covid and flu shot yesterday and feel tired and a bit warm today. I'm grateful I picked a weekend to do this when I didn't have much going on, so tonight I can just rest. Actually a perfect night for a long Latte ASMR video. She's got a new one, "Autumn Night Pampering".

 #4 - I was asked if I wanted both shots in the same arm.  I asked for advice and it was a matter of if you wanted both arms a bit sore.  I chose 1 arm, and it hurts.  I couldn't roll over onto that side last night, so I was glad I had 1 side I could roll over on. I think I'll space my shots out next time.

#5 -Usually by this time I'm out of leftovers for the week.  But today I still had homemade meals to eat both for lunch and dinner.  (Quinoa and veggie pita pockets for lunch and a vegetable stew for dinner.)

 

"Bohemian Trumpsody" - Marsh Family adaptation of "Bohemian Rhapsody" by...

I Had a Feeling that it Was You

 #1 - Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come

Just the title of that book makes me smile (about an introvert), which I picked up at the library today.

#2 - I started taping the bathroom.  The 2nd room in my place I'm going to paint for the 2nd time.  I consulted my friend Jill about the color last week and it's going to be a dark brown, a color in my pallet.  I just hope it doesn't make the space feel too dark.  Jill says it will work.

#3 - There gets to be a lot of trash strewn about by the dumpsters here because squirrels (and at night raccoons) take food out and with it comes the plastic etc it was in.  (See aforementioned post last April).  Today someone from the management company was cleaning it up.  It looks so much better!

#4 -  I wrote a thank you note to the Community Manager at the management company that I appreciated the above and her response is a little weird to me.  I live in a complex with close to 300 units!

"He mentioned someone was thanking him, I had a feeling that it was you."

#5 - I do home visits with families trying to reduce the education gap at an early age.  Every other visit I bring out a book or toy to "learn thru play".  Today was a medical kit which was a doctor jacket with pockets for various instruments. The family I visited today got really into it.  All the older siblings lined up to get checked and even Grandma and Dad came in for a consultation (though dad left as the line was too long I guess). I'm not supposed to be leading the visits, but rather supporting the parents and following the child's lead.  Today this was easy as I sat back and watched everyone engage.

It's a 2 year program, and I've heard people and families can really bond over that time. I haven't really experienced that, in part because the first year I started mid-program year, and in part, because we all connect with certain people more than others.

Anyway, today's family is one that has really made a way into my heart.

Lemons to Lemonade

 When I moved into my place I painted all the rooms.  Since most of them were more colorful or deep, I did a neutral clay color for my spare bedroom/office. However it is boring, and I have thought I would like something happier. Yellow in some manner.  However I have a yellow kitchen/dining area and didn't want 2 yellow rooms.  Plus I couldn't figure out anything else that really worked with my furniture.  However when I came back from being gone this summer I was reinvigorated to want something happy. So with the help of a friend I decided to try a gold.

I only painted one wall "lamplighter" and instead of feeling happy, it felt intense and stressful.  Maybe I'll like it if I do the whole room?  I already painted this room the clay color though, and if I don't like it, I don't want to paint it a 3rd time.  The next day I bought a warmer neutral color that I have in my hallway.  As soon as I started covering the yellow I felt a sigh of relief.

Still I had this almost full gallon of paint, in a color I liked, just not in that room.  Is there somewhere I can donate it?  It's such a waste.

A day or so later I thought of one of the garages I'd seen in the complex that had painted a wall.  That might be perfect!  But would I get it done before it gets cold?  (I figured I needed to act fast also before losing my momentum.)

Before

After

And now something I thought was a complete mistake on my part, is transformed into something that I otherwise would never have taken the initiative to do.

I don't like making mistakes, so this is a good thing for me to remember.

Also my niece and nephew helped me paint this wall today.  It was the perfect painting job for kids. My nephew did a jumping and painting dance and I wasn't worried about it getting on the carpeting.

The kids had today off from school, so I took the afternoon to spend with them.  We went on a short mountain biking course, thanks to my friend letting us borrow a bike. My nephew decided it was too difficult right away. I suggested my niece go ahead and he and I could walk.  However my nephew suggested he could run it.  And he did!  He ran the 2 miles. And even had fun doing the curves.

When we brought the bike back to my friend's house we went inside and my nephew started playing with her 12 year old.  My niece sat at the table where I spoke with my friend.  "You're getting older," I said and rubbed her back.  After a while though the 12 year old motioned for her to join them in their play. And she did. And she had a great time.

She's almost done being a kid

but not quite.

Permission to Post

 From Gratitude #2 yesterday

"Have you ever been a to a marathon? I’ve been to one. I ran it. And I had people show up to cheer me on and encourage me. 

 

I’m the runner in yellow. Look at my face and my obvious emotions. My friends were going crazy to encourage me onward. I responded and was filled with positive energy and renewed strength. I see them, I receive their encouragement, I give a happy wave, and continue onward with a huge smile on my face, stronger, believing in myself, encouraged.

 

Your people don’t have to run an actual marathon. Maybe your friends marathon involves changing diapers or washing dishes or pushing papers or calculating payroll or just getting out of bed each day… marathon work can come in many forms."

 

Brooke

 

Show up for your people. Cheer your people on. It matters.

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up as you are already doing.” 1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5‬:‭11

Friends and Paint

 #1 - I met my "new" friend two years ago.  I went on a camping weekend with the outdoors club where I met my former partner saying, "I do not want to meet anybody."  (Knowing this was quite unlikely, as the majority of the group is women close to retirement age.)  A woman sat down next to me during a meal and we started talking.  I soon learned she was a recent empty nester, and it sounded like living alone, I assumed divorced.  However soon I learned that she was a widow.  I was in the depths of heartache at the time and I melted into a deep conversation with her.  

We have been friends since, and in many ways she has been a life saver. She has been someone that says, "Yes," to the type of things my former partner would, and I don't really have other friends that might. Yesterday, for example, I received an email for a couple winter retreats. Once of them is in Wisconsin in an area that is well known for cross country skiing.  My friend asked about cross country skiing together this winter, so I emailed her and she said yes. 

Not only that but I emailed the organizer to ask if we could come a day early so we'd have more time to cross country ski.  The answer was yes and there won't be an extra charge!! What?!

 #2 - My friend sent me the post our mutual friend posted on Facebook.  I'm asking her permission to repost it here...

 #3 - Sometimes when I sit down to dinner, I want to talk to someone.  So I called someone I met at the retreat center this summer.  She is back in Chicago now, and I haven't spoken to her since I left.  I'm so glad I called her today because I found out she is coming to town for a wedding next month and now she is going to stay with me.

#4 - My office/spare bedroom is a neutral color because I didn't think anything else would really work with the bedspread, curtains and a piece of furniture I had in there.  But I have also had the desire to have something "happier".  I had to depart from the pallet that I chose for all the paint in my place, because there wasn't anything else on that pallet that was light/happy that I wanted to use.  So I hope I will like what I chose since I already painted this room once and do not want to do a third time.

Anyway, I bought paint today and started prepping the walls.

#5 - I've been trying to do weekly courageous things, like I did at the retreat center this summer.  I didn't have one for this week yet, but I'm going to count the painting.  The color I have now works fine.  It is a neutral clay color.  The new color may or may not work.  I'm happy to switch out the curtains if needed, however the bedspread and the bookcase I want to keep. So I'll say this change requires a bit of courage.

A long one Today!

#1 - I did my 2nd pilates reformer class today - I signed up for 4 free - I can see how it is good for me and if it didn't cost extra I'd probably continue doing it.

 #2 - I do home visits with families.  I'm supposed to be there supporting the parent (of a pre-school age kid).  Sometimes the parents sit back and I have to walk a line of, "Is there something really important going on or do I need to ask them to put away their phone?" or "Are they just putting in a quick load of laundry or are they off doing a bunch of other things?"

 Ideally the parent is leading and I am sitting back.  Today I brought a new book and one mom, who has really been taking the lead, completely took over. She kept her 3 year old engaged in the book a good 20 minutes, long past when they actually finished reading it.  I was so grateful to be there doing what I am supposed to, encouraging and letting her lead.

 #3 - Similarly another family (both of these families it is my 2nd year working with), where the mom was often leaving the room last year, isn't yet taking the lead, however she has remained present and interactive in all the visits thus far.  Win!

#4 - I am about to go and do something intimidating. A woman whom I've taken occasional writing classes with for years, emailed, "Hi Tammy! Not sure you'd be into this, but I'm going! Hope all well."  It was a Spanish Cultural Conversations class thru community ed. I was interested.

It was at a time that worked.

It was at a nearby location.

However the description said it is for people that speak Spanish with fluency and know the subjunctive. 

I don't even remember what the subjunctive is.

I emailed that to this woman and she said she is the same but still signed up.

Well, I've heard in the past about job applications (I don't recall the specifics) but that a majority of men would apply for a job they had 50% of the qualifications for while women needed 80%.  (I'm making up those numbers, but it is the idea.)  And I thought, "I am NOT qualified for this AND maybe I should try anyway.  For God's sake it is community ed."

I still wouldn't even consider it except for the invitation and support that someone I know is doing the same.  I am heading there soon.  We'll see...

 

#5 - Finally I wrote about my first, potentially, problematic interaction with a neighbor in my building in a post almost 2 years ago

Friday, October 14, 2022

The Last Neighbors

I haven't seen that neighbor in a while, I'm guessing he moved out though his roommate is still here. But regardless, my initial fears about his anger turned into a positive connection.

 

About a year ago a different, what I'd call angry - because I've heard him scream some pretty awful things at his kids - neighbor moved in behind me.  I try to be friendly to him and his kids.  However, when I informed him that his vehicles were about to get towed recently (the parking lot was supposed to be empty for some work).  I almost thought, "Maybe I should have let him."

However, today when I got home there was something attached to my door.  It was a $30 gift card for gas. 

I actually prevented 2 neighbors from getting towed that day (both would have had 2 vehicles towed), and it is the one that I would call unkind who returned in an act of generosity.  I got a fortune recently that said, "Kindness is the ability to love people more than they really deserve."

Or maybe it's the other way around, when we treat people with the kindness they deserve, they are more likely to act worthy of it.

Voting, Recruiting, Timing, Tolle

 #1 - My cousin asked me about updating her registration to vote, which prompted me to email another cousin about the same situation.

#2 - My cousin learned there may be lead in her plates.  She is concerned but added it's only in the pattern at the edges so, "It's not as bad as a whole plate of lead,"which made me laugh.

#3 - There was a tabling event to recruit families for the non-profit I work for - 5 miles away - which motivated me to take a bike ride on a beautiful day.  I passed by some mountain bike racing which I had never seen before. (I just saw the finish line).

#4 - I sat down on the patio with my dinner and I heard the phone ring.  The person on the line apologized for calling me so upset.

"Perfect timing," I responded, "I have nothing else I need to do."

#5 - There is nothing special about this Eckhart Tolle clip, except that I haven't listened to him for a few months...and I'm grateful to listen to his presence again.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqx7BqG92Io

Sometimes You Need an Excuse

 #1 - "Is that racist?"  I saw something the other day that appeared to be prejudiced to me.  And the nervousness I felt in confronting it (not even confronting just inquiring), helped me feel how difficult this is.  

#2 - I did though and I realized, "YEAH I did something courageous this week!"  All summer at the retreat center each Sunday in the "Sacred Space" service we would be asked to think of something courageous we could do that week. I took this practice very seriously, and when I got home I was happy to have an idea to continue this practice.  This week I didn't have any ideas, yet it still happened today!

#3 - I met someone today with quadruplets.  I've heard of such things, but just thinking how to get that many (pre-school) kids safely from where you live to a car or anywhere, was a reality check I'd never experienced.

#4 - Sometimes we meet people that we may think we'd like to connect with again, but we need an excuse.  I'm using the book club I'm starting with friends to do this.  There is a sweet woman much younger than I that worked at the same retreat center over the summer and whose home is nearby.  She gave me her # to stay in contact, I doubt anything would have happened, but I used it to invite her to my book club and she said she will come.

Yesterday I did the same to the woman who was my Realtor and today she wants to join too!

#5 - Similarly there is a woman I work with who I thought last year, "I should ask her if she'd like to go for a walk."  She seems like someone I'd enjoy talking to, she lives nearby, and she's a native Spanish speaker (I'd like to practice)..  Last week at our staff meeting I also learned she likes to go for walks and was also working somewhere in Washington state over the summer.  So today I asked her.  We don't have a time yet, but she is willing.  If it is next week it could be my next courageous thing (not the walk but trying to have a conversation in Spanish).

In Case You Were Wondering

#1 -  In Case You Were Wondering...because I was wondering, if home would lack in comparison to the majesty of my summer...

Tonight my niece had a cross country ski race at a Three Rivers Park called Gale Woods Farm.  I noticed when I looked it up on the map that there is a new Three Rivers Park just a bit north of there.  So after the race I drove up there to check it out.  

It's small, most of it is under rehabilitation so only a section of it has a trail open to the public.  However that also means it is undeveloped.  I was the only person there and as I watched the sun setting on the trees across the pond

 I looked at the sky

 I looked at the prairie, 

I started to cry.

#2 - Also my niece, as usual, is such a strong runner it is a joy to watch.  I was actually able to keep up with her briefly near the end as she'd just gone up a hill.  (Previously I've tried to keep up with her at the end of a race, so I can see her and not been able to.) 

#3 - Also my laptop wasn't working when I tried it Wed night which was stressin. I told my job I do from home, that I planned to come back next week but needed to find a laptop first.

They called and said they would send me one. #4 - Since the pressure was off, I tried my old laptop again and it works, for now.  

#5 - I am more and more adamant that a big part of enjoying life is protecting spaces - spaces in landscape, spaces in time, spaces.   I'm not sure what that looks like on a bigger scale, but it feels like a substantial part of my purpose/mission. People (myself included) are often uncomfortable with it initially, but beneath space is a reservoir of fortune.

One Last Hike

That "saddle" is our destination

My boot which has been duct taped the last 4 weeks (and which I have used sparingly) made it!

The view from the other side of the saddle.

 

Coming back down.

 

More Scenes from My Summer

 

I've only camped one night here this summer.  This is a mile walk away so I didn't have to bring any food or anything.  I didn't sleep very well, but it certainly is beautiful.

This is a 30-40 minute walk up to a view.  I've packed a breakfast and ate it up here a few times. I'd like to do that again the day before I leave.

These last three photos was on, what I would say was both the most difficult and most rewarding hike here.  Similar length (11 miles) to other hikes I've done here, but with the climb of 3000 feet up and back down, my "brake" muscles in my knees were not properly functioning at the end.

Our feet got quite wet from the dew near the top, so we attempted to dry out our shoes and socks while we had lunch.  I forgot my camera this day, so I didn't get these photos until my co-worker/friend who came with sent them to me.

Two More Weeks

                                                            Where I spent my summer

 

Where I go when I need to cool off (at one point it was upper thigh deep in that little pool on the edge, it continues to get more shallow).  

Fireweed

My boot started coming apart 2 weeks ago.  Last week I hiked in my running shoes, but missed my boots.  So yesterday I duct taped it. It worked.

Random Gratitudes from the Retreat Center

 #1 - My Sunday soccer team hasn't had an official goalie for a couple years.  We had a guy who sometimes played with us, but he got injured a while back.  Someone else is organizing the team while I'm gone, however a woman I met who subbed as goalie for us a couple times has agreed to actually join the team next session.  I'm happy to have a goalie, however even happier, that it is a woman, because 95%+ of the goalies in my co-ed league are men!

#2 - I've been doing 6:30AM 2 mile "poetry" hikes here on Mondays.  I stop a few times to read poems.  I recruit people to come at the Sunday afternoon hike haus "open house" and today it seemed like there were a lot of people that plan to join tomorrow.  I really like doing the hikes then before the flies and the heat.

#3 - I was accidently assigned dish team twice in a week here, so I had a shift both yesterday and today.  Usually you get one shift a week here. It was a mistake though and it's fine, especially since it was lunch shift so you can just do it during work.  If it was an extra dinner shift my day would get a little longer.

#4 - Last night was the first night here I had a bit of trouble sleeping because of the heat.  When it's been hot here, it usually still cools off plenty at night.  Last night I ended up propping my door open with the trash can to get a little air flow in here because it was so still outside.  The lack of wind though is good for not feeding the forest fires.

#5 - I almost forgot about the 6pm yoga class today. Yoga here is at such strange times 6-6:30pm, for example, which isn't ideal since dinner is 4:45-6:15, but I'm grateful I looked at the schedule the last minute and remembered.

Two Different Hikes (Mosquitos too Small to Appear in Photos)

 

Hart Lake etc.

 

En Route

 

I am obviously experiencing the beauty in this world, also the challenges.  Fires closer than my comfort level.  That is why it is hazy in the background of the photo above.  We got off the ferry pretty much right across the lake from this fire. I've never seen forest firefighting up close.  It was one helicopter when we went by, dropping buckets of water.  It appeared futile to my untrained eye.

And I've mostly been isolating in my room since last night because I am sick.  I will take a Co-Vid test with the nurse here tomorrow AM, she said any earlier would just show negative.

Showing Up

 I went to my first free outdoor yoga of the season this AM. It is the same time of year and location where I sat 2 years ago, biked home and moved out.  That woman had no idea what was coming next, what the future would look like.  That woman was well supported, so there was immense sadness, but I realized today, she wasn't afraid.

 Today there was a 5K and 10K run so there was really loud dance music.  When I first biked up I was annoyed, then I went with it and did little bounces or hip movements along with yoga.

Also my cousin and her boyfriend had biked there together, so there was a smiling face upon my arrival and a hug upon my departure.

I came home and called my brother to share the news that I won my first (and only) minor court case.  The defendant still has a couple weeks to appeal.  I hope he decides it isn't worth the time and energy, either way it was nice to have the referee agree with my stance.

Finally I'm using every ounce of my emotional muscle, and fortunately current emotional health, to support a loved one. I don't know what to say about that except that we take one step at a time, and so far I've been taken care of and cared for myself enough, to keep showing up. 

Hikes, Home Visits and Bathroom Access

 #1 - My last home visit was cancelled today because there are many health issues.  This I am not grateful for.  However it meant I could leave a bit earlier to meet my friend for a planned hike and not deal with as much traffic on a holiday weekend.  #2 - He suggested we walk on a trail that I had not been to before.  There isn't a lot of park area relatively nearby that I have not explored so this was a real treat.  #3 - It also is in an area that I know the mosquitos can/could be awful, but it is still early enough and windy enough that today's walk was entirely pleasant.

 #4 - The home visiting program I work for is a 2 year program.  One of the more challenging families I saw today and mentioned the second year, not sure they'd continue, and probably would feel a bit of relief if they decide not to. However today she said she intended to return and we had a good conversation.  Part of the reason that home is challenging is (I think) there is a fair amount of stress there and I have a hard time relaxing.  However, that also means they might need it more so it is a practice for me.

#5 - Organic cherries were on sale, the beginning of the best fruit season of the year!  One of the coops where I shop has installed a lock on the bathroom now so you need to get a code to use it.  It now has a sign, "This bathroom is only for customers."  I imagine there was quite a debate to implement this, and it is unfortunate that they deem it necessary, and I'm so fortunate to fit the "profile" of a customer and be given access.

My Current Soundtrack?

I wanted to listen to some music that I really felt deeply today. However the songs that have been lifeboats to me the past couple years, I still like them, but when I try to listen, they aren't resonating the same with me these days.

I need a new soundtrack.

I am in a new place. 

I started searching today. The search hopped around.  Then the search landed on Trevor Hall.

Trevor Hall - mindful breathing (feat. Thich Nhat Hanh) [Official Lyric Video]

This song led me to tears

I don't really know why.

But I see myself 25 years ago, I am working in the opening year of an inner city charter elementary school, and the only time I had to myself during the day was around 10 AM when I'd take my lunch into a large upstairs storage room of sorts.  And I would say to myself:

"Breathing in (and I breathed in) I calm body and mind

Breathing out (and I breathed out) I smile

Living in the present moment (I breathed in)

This is the only moment (I breathed out)" 

-Thich Nhat Hanh

I took these 2 breaths of stillness.

Those breaths didn't feel still. 

But I reached for what Thich Nhat Hanh was trying to teach me.

And I can see how those 2 breaths were seeds. 

And those 2 breaths are sprouting still.

**********************************

 And this is a refreshing perspective on Mother's Day nudged to me by Timothy Frantzich and now quoted by Wikipedia -

The "Appeal to womanhood throughout the world"^[1] (later known as "Mothers' Day Proclamation") by Julia Ward Howe was an appeal for women to unite for peace in the world. Written in 1870, Howe's "Appeal to womanhood" was a pacifist reaction to the carnage of the American Civil War and the Franco-Prussian War. The appeal was tied to Howe's feminist conviction that women had a responsibility to shape their societies at the political level. 

 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother%27s_Day_Proclamation 

 

"Our husbands shall not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause. Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn all that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience. We, women of one country, will be too tender of those of another country, to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."

 Julia Ward Howe -1870

 

dear sister

 #1 - Having the flexibility to be available for a family member today, being able to make some phone calls and ask some questions together, and letting them know they aren't completely alone thru this.

#2 - Having a plan to meet a friend for a walk after work.  Both of us had some stressful energy, so I had us stop and quiet our energy at least a little, before we entered the woods.

#3- Continuing to learn more about this friend's life, we met 1 1/2 years ago so she is my "new" friend.  We connected initially when I learned her husband died a few years ago and I was fresh from a break up. Today she said if she were to date again she can't imagine meeting someone who didn't know anything about her life, that it would be much easier if it was someone from her past who reappeared (though she didn't have any possibilities). 

I've never had a thought like this so I found it intriguing.  In fact I'd probably think the opposite upon reflection.  I find zero appeal in meeting/dating someone who reappeared from an earlier stage of my life.

#4 - I really like the mix of alone time and people time I have in my life right now.  I get both thru my work and both thru my living situation/friends. I like having a lot of alone time.  And I have a nice quantity of connection time too. I would say it is probably the best ratio I've experienced.

#5 - A couple posts ago I mentioned a wonderful memoir I recently read Twin Cities: My Life as a Black Cop and Championship Coach which was remarkably engaging even with the large section on football!

Now I'm reading another captivating memoir dear sister: a memoir of secrets, survival and unbreakable bonds by Michelle Horton.  It is written by the sister of a woman who was imprisoned for killing her partner after he threatened to kill her in a murder/suicide and leave their children parentless.  This was not the first time. She had suffered for years under physical/psychological and sexual abuse that was well documented and continuing to escalate.  He told her she would not be believed, and our justice system told her he was right.

Earth Day

 

There is a line of bushes/trees on the edge of the property where I live.  Trash accumulates there, especially near the dumpsters.  Some of it is from the wind, some from the squirrels who take things out of the dumpster.  It is especially apparent in the spring when the snow melts and before the leaves come in.  It has bugged me for quite a while, so I decided to use Earth Day as motivation to work on it.  I told myself I'd go out and pick up trash for a half hour.  And ideally do the same tomorrow.

I ended up working for 1 1/2 hours and filled up 5 bags of trash plus some recycling.  

It was a very satisfying place to work, not only because I live here, but because an hour and a half was long enough to make a very substantial difference!

I also sent before and after photos to the management company to ask the board what usually happens here.  Is there ever a community clean up?  Do we ever hire people to pick up the trash that accumulates on the edge of the property?

I also feel much better about sending that email because I'm not just complaining.  I took action AND I'm asking what the plan is.

I ended going back inside and grabbing goggles because I was reaching into many bushes and there were a lot of twigs that could poke my eyes.

I also noticed I was kind of waiting for someone to come out to the dumpster and see what I was doing. Make a comment of some sort... No one came nor noticed, so I decided since I didn't post earlier this week.  (I had a visiting family member and didn't take the time to), I'd post today instead.

Twin Cities: My Life as a Black Cop and a Championship Coach

 #1 - My friend who broke a bone in her foot last summer did a tentative jog/walk with me and her foot did fine!

 #2 - And I got to hear about her recent trip to visit a mutual friend in North Carolina. I think it had been a couple weeks since I'd seen one of my friends, and I was just reminded that I love my alone time and I need that too.

#3 - I started reading Twin Cities: My Life as a Black Cop and a Championship Coach by Charles Adams.  It was brought to my attention by a friend of mine and is one of those books I picked up at the library today and am diving right into.

#4 - Speaking of the library. My cousin is living with me right now and doing real estate photography and it is taking hours for her to upload her photos.  We have looked into internet upgrade options, none of which were panning out. She tried a coffee shop which was about the same. Today, as a last resort, she stopped at the library and it seemed the upload speed there is MUCH higher.

#5 - Finally, trying to arrange plans with my former partner's children can feel defeating.  I know it isn't personal, however the follow thru is difficult.  His youngest did send me her la crosse schedule per my request.  However, she didn't reply to me as to which team she is on: Varsity, JV, B?  So I emailed her mom, who in general is super responsive. So though I hesitated to reach out to her, I wasn't surprised she responded right away and with additional info.

Women’s Unrealistic Expectations 😂

Not Sharing

#1 - One of the parents who is very consistent, but usually checks out and takes a break on the couch during our home visits, got down on the floor and played with us today.  This has never happened with me at this house!  It was a win on my part for not intervening when one child (there are 4) was complaining to me that another wasn't sharing.  I had the autistic kid on my lap and he was engaged and that was a win right there so I said, "Ask your mom," and when she persisted in complaining to me, "Ask your mom." And she did and mom joined us on the floor.

#2 - My aunt is visiting and I didn't sleep very well. I know she sometimes does dishes at 3AM when I'm at her place, however I didn't realize getting up at that time was common for her. Apparently she sometimes watches This Old House at that time.  I asked today if she always wakes then and she dismissed it.  That would drive me nuts, but I guess it doesn't bother her and she can usually sleep as late as she wants so it works for her.

#3 - I still got up for my early exercise class that I really want the fitness center to keep.  Previously the earliest class they offered was 8:30AM.  Now they have a once a week 6:30 class and usually I am the only guy there.  I want more people to come so they keep the time slot.  Today a guy named, "Bob" joined me.

#4 - I made a Latin Corn Soup and a vegetable pot pie on Sunday eve.  Both of which were available for easy leftovers for my aunt and I for lunch and dinner today.

#5 - I sat and watched the big snowflakes fall as I ate breakfast today.  Often I work while eating breakfast, but my aunt was still sleeping in the room where I work, so the snowflakes were a nice way to enjoy breakfast instead.