Thoughts on Marriage

Today I did my first phone calling in opposition to the amendment that would define valid marriage as only between one man and one woman in Minnesota. I'd already done door-knocking and prefer being outside and seeing people face to face, but they have a lot more phone call opportunities and the time worked better this week.

There really didn't seem to be much I could do to sway the first woman who spoke with me, she said her aunt was gay and had been in a committed relationship for 30 years. One partner in the couple worked for the school system which now recognized their partnership and provided health coverage for them both. So apparently the woman's aunt didn't really care much about the vote. If her gay aunt, in a partnership for 30 years didn't care, I doubted I could do much to convince her it was important. I offered the story told by my partner in training this morning, his cousin had been in the hospital with meningitis and his cousin's partner of 7 years was not allowed to see him much. However, he, as a cousin, could.

#1 - I'm grateful that the woman took the time to dialog with me and agreed my last point was a problem.

#2 - The man who began our conversation by saying his viewpoint was personal (he didn't want to share what he thought). I said something like I feel that way too, but I also really care about this so I am making the effort to do something uncomfortable. The man later admitted he was undecided about the vote and that no one in his life was talking about it. I asked if he knew gay people. He did, but none of them were close to him or people he felt he could ask how they felt about this. We talked for a while and at the end of the conversation he said he would "probably vote no". You would think that would be my gratitude, but in fact I felt even more grateful for his openness and willingness to both share and listen.

#3 - One woman I spoke to said that marriage was ordained by God for procreation. I then asked her if she was married.

"Yes."

"Why did you get married?" (pause in the conversation) "I mean did you marry to have children."

"No, we got married because we were in love."

I tried to connect with this love angle but i couldn't get her beyond the God/marriage/procreation. When I got off the phone I asked one of the people supporting us what I could have said there. He said I could have asked her what about couples that are barren, are their marriages valid?

"Good point," I said, "I never would have thought of that."

"Do you think she would have responded to that?"

"I don't know, but I think it would have made her think."

Which later made ME think. "What is the purpose or point of marriage?" It seems like such a simple question, but I honestly don't have a simple answer. I guess if I ever decide to get married I'll have to work on that. Though I'm kind of grateful I haven't had to face that yet. Though I can't say I'm taking a stand and won't get married until all people have the right, I would also feel sadness participating in something that excludes so many people.

#4 - I made phone calls for two hours, in that two hours I had 7 conversations (and a lot of no answers). None of the conversations were unpleasant, even when in complete disagreement with me. There were a couple people who refused to talk in a brusque way I guess, but that was it. And yet still, after doing this I got off the phone emotionally exhausted. I actually felt emotionally exhausted after my #1 & #2 gratitudes above, which I can't figure out, because they were such positive experiences. Maybe it is because as an introvert it takes so much energy, maybe it is my sensitivity, maybe...who knows. Anyway, I took refuge in the fact that a good friend of mine would be at my soccer game soon after volunteering and I could get a hug from him, which I felt I needed.

When I arrived, I walked in with the organizer of the soccer league, she asked why I was wearing jeans and I explained I had just been volunteering. She had volunteered as well and when I told her I was looking forward to getting a hug from my friend she said, "I'll give you a hug right now."


#5 - The most important people to talk to are not the strangers on the phone but those in my own life. I was feeling guilty because I had not yet spoken to my own father. My Dad and I are in almost complete agreement on politics, so I thought he would be a "no" vote. However, I have never in my life heard my Dad mention gay people in any way, so I really didn't know. I finally brought it up today by asking if his church (the church I grew up in) had taken a stance on the issue. I expected they would either have the opposite view of me, or not have taken sides. To my pleasant surprise, my father informed me that the pastor of the church is going family to family talking with them about it and that they are working for a no vote. My faith was renewed (and my Dad is with them :)

Bonus - I've tried to get my brother to come in and volunteer with me on this for months. Meaning I've asked him a few times and he's always said no.

Tonight he said he will come.


http://www.startribune.com/opinion/commentaries/172374301.html?page=2&c=y

I'd like to add this link by Jack Davies a former state senator. He was the drafter of the form and structure rewrite of the Minnesota Constitution ratified in 1974.

Let the Rant Begin

Tonight, after a tired and slightly drained afternoon, I was surprised to find gratefulness emerge as I drove down the highway to buy groceries. I could rant endlessly about how cars, and roads, and highways, and gasoline are destroying our world, but tonight I just felt grateful. To live within reasonable driving distance of a co-op, and to have a vehicle to take me there. And then I thought, "May we see the beauty in what we create. May it not imprison us."

Once I heard a speaker, John Perkins, tell about bringing a shaman from the Amazon Rainforest to NYC. The shaman had never been outside of the rainforest, never seen a modern civilization. To ease his transition, Perkins decided to stop first at Central Park. To his surprise, when the shaman got out of the car he did not walk towards the trees, instead he crossed the street to a tall building and told Perkins, "You must fall in love with your cities."

I get that now.

This co-op is usually a bit hectic, but not on a Saturday night. At one point in my shopping I looked at my cart and realized, "This is going to be an expensive one." But I also knew I had the money to pay it.

One thing I love about the co-op is how, on some level at least, the food is already health screened. But today I reached for a frozen veggie burger on sale and read the first ingredient, "rice" and put it back. I had heard a few months ago from my friend concerns about the arsenic (carcinogen) level in rice, but I consciously decided to remain in the land of "ignorance is bliss" for a bit longer. Then the latest issue of Consumer Reports magazine came out and I read the article and could remain there no longer.

So now even in the land of healthy food I have to think twice. So many choices that were once the best ones, no longer are. For example, rice cakes were my ultimate healthy snack food. I would never choose to eat them at home (when I had other options) but for a snack away from home they were perfect. And then there is the rice milk for my cereal and....

"Human activities also add arsenic to the environment. They include burning coal, oil, gasoline and wood, mining, and the use of arsenic compounds as pesticides, herbicides and wood preservatives."

http://www.fda.gov/ForConsumers/ConsumerUpdates/ucm319827.htm

This is where I need to take a deep breath. This is where I connect dots that I have never heard Race for the Cure or any cancer group make. This is where I think of my mom, who loved rice, brown rice. And it's not just rice, it's apple juice and a system that separates what we put in with what we get out.

As I picked up my bags to exit the coop I saw a picture in a strange spot. I realized it was a silly photo of Vanilla Ice, and it was on the front of the ice machine

and

I laughed out loud.

Lack of Tidy

#1 - I've been doing yoga for 15 years now, and today I wondered, "Is this what it feels like to be married?" Something that began so nurturing, exciting, special, possibly even life-transforming - now is ordinary. I forget how it felt when my mind first started being quieted, my body being stretched, how I'd walk out of class feeling like I was walking on a cloud. Now, I certainly feel good when I leave, but the elation isn't the same.

Today there was a moment - the music got loud and rhythmic, I looked in the mirror and I completely dove in. A few moments later the music was turned down and I was back, but that glimpse helped me remember how it used to feel - maybe a bit like marriage?

Granted, even now, if I go for a week without yoga I do miss it. Maybe a bit like marriage too?

#2 - I thought it was pointless to try an tell a child who is not even 1 1/2 to stay back while her grandpa replaces his back door. She can watch but can't come close. But to my amazement I watched my niece cautiously approach but keep a four foot distance, at one point laying on her stomach and sliding backwards across the kitchen floor (something I'd never seen her do).

#3 - As I observed her I thought, "She is absorbed like she is watching television, but it's her grandpa fix something."

#4 - The soft voice that my father spoke to her with when she came in the room crying.

#5 - "Living in a pretty unorganized and not-as-tidy-as-I'd prefer home. The other side of choosing to spend free time not at home on the weekends." I read this on my friend Jill's blog yesterday and it is felt so reassuring to me both then and now. The top of my dresser has been a mess for the past few weeks, and reading this reminds me it is not just out of laziness but rather because of a project and focusing on other things.

Painting the Sidewalk with Water

#1 - When a Krishna Das comes on in yoga, I automatically start breathing deeper. Today I was already happy when one of his songs began and THEN it broke into this rapping part. It was awesome, devotional chanting and rap!

#2- My friend's mother agreeing to take a restorative yoga class with me this weekend.

#3 - Painting the Sidewalk with Water and Nothing to Grasp - these are appealing book titles from an author a friend told me I might like (Joan Tollifson.)

#4 - I received a love letter in the mail. From myself. The first time I recall writing a letter to myself was in my first poetry workshop ten years ago. The instructor had us write some sort of letter to ourselves, seal it in an envelope and said at some point we'd receive it, and I did. So it's not a new concept to me.

However, getting a letter in the mail, addressed to yourself, in your handwriting, that you do not recall writing (in this case) is a little weird. This time it was a love letter to myself, written on pink paper. It feels vaguely familiar, I would not be surprised if I read somewhere that instead of looking always outside for someone else to write you a love letter, to try it yourself, and that makes sense. Based on what I wrote, it was within the last couple years. The mystery though is WHO SENT IT TO ME? Obviously I either gave it to a friend...or did it in some other sort of class/workshop...who knows?

#5 - The letter is written on the front and back sides of a piece of paper, the back side feels empty to me/not really interesting, but the first few paragraphs on the front are quite specific and made me smile :).

Three Chords and the Truth

#1 - I wrote a new song last week which I was especially excited about because it had been four months since I'd written any. I had the impulse to play it for a friend on Skype. I wanted to ignore this impulse as I didn't understand where it came from. I've never used Skype before and I've been fine playing on the phone...but I've also learned to follow my impulses. Reluctantly I decided to try it, but I was nervous. Fortunately my 20 year old cousin called and when I said I was going to get off the phone soon to Skype with my friend, she got all excited and wanted to try it right now.

Anyway, I am so grateful because I am so comfortable with her I didn't have any nervousness and she helped me figure it out.

#2 - I played for my friend and instead of it making me more nervous (which almost always happens when I play for others), half way through the song I felt instead more focused. There is one word I'm constantly messing up, saying it in the line previous to where it belongs. But when I played for my friend I got it just right.


#3 - My friend said he felt loved/cared for when he heard the song. This is exactly how I feel when I listen to my favorite live musicians - The Brothers Frantzich.

#4 - A friend read a book I gave her (self-published by another friend). She really liked it, which is of course wonderful AND the best part of is that she took the time to read it in the first place.

#5 - Bob Dylan was asked what it takes to write a song and he replied, "All you need is three chords and the truth."

Alley

#1 - The biker who stopped and helped me get my chain unstuck, right at the point were I was approaching giving up and trying to come up with an alternative plan.

#2 - That the chain got stuck on a pedestrian/bike bridge which made it more likely something like this would happen.

#3 - I walked to the end of the alley with my friend's three year old as he rode his mini-bike. On the way back (it was less than a block), he didn't want to ride. He wanted me to carry his bike. I told him it was his bike. He pushed it a bit and then started getting annoyed. I said, "We can rest here for a bit." So we sat down at the back of a garage at the edge of the alleyway. The child started playing. After about five minutes I was tempted to say, "Let's go," but then stopped myself. The child was playing with a thin layer of dirt, a few sticks, a decorative piece of woodwork (that had fallen off something)...having a great time. Soon enough I was having a great time too.

#4 - He started to gently comb my hair with one of the sticks and it felt really relaxing.

#5 - Whatever stopped my from my impulse to say, "Let's go" and redirected me to the enjoyable moment I was already having.

Osprey

Osprey sighting.  I only know it was an osprey because after the bird caught my attention with its call, I looked up and saw it perched next to a huge nest at the top of a tree.  As I tried to identify it I looked down and saw the path/dirt road turn off was labeled, "osprey house". 

"Go climb a tree." a mother I overheard talking to her 7 year old as they were packing up their campsite. It seems parents are often scared to let their kids do things like climb a tree.

I stopped and ate my lunch at a park I'd driven by but never visited, where the Rum River enters the Mississippi.

Watching my niece's intense absorption as she tried to clip her stroller strap after she was taken out and tried to walk around with my flip flop on one foot (she even got the toe hold at one point.)




I picked up a bag of trash that was at the top of a gutter drain.  I'd already passed by it at least three times and finally I picked it up today.  Since I already was carrying it I decided to pick up any recycling I passed as I walked....so I'm wondering if it was a "good deed" leads to "good deeds" kind of thing...there is a house down the street that has turned a small section of their lawn into an area to attract butterflies and other beneficial insects.  It actually looked pretty pitiful lately as everything is in such need of rain.  But as I walked past today I had a thought that has never occurred to me before, "I should mail them a card thanking them for creating that space on their lawn."  Even though it has been that way for a few years at least, it never occurred to me before.

(Pictures are from my trip a couple weeks ago, Mississippi River on Wisconsin/Iowa border, or WI/MN border on the middle one.)