A Christmas Carol?

 #1 - My niece asked my brother about going to see A Christmas Carol (and out to eat before) at the Guthrie theater like we used to do with grandpa.  I started to cry when I read the message and was glad she wanted to continue a tradition of my dad's, even if I have no particular desire to see that play again.

She's not quite fully vaccinated though and many of the less expensive performances only have individual seating remaining.  So we might have to put it off, this really bummed me at first, but the Co-Vid numbers are quite high in Minnesota right now so it might be for the best to wait.  And since it's not something I really want to do every year, it will be ok to wait and at least still do it at some point.

#2 - I walked in the bathroom this AM and Michael said with a scowl, "I'm feeling frustrated," and I thought, "Oh god..." But then he told me what had frustrated him (how I'd haphazardly put the fans in the attic) and said, "Would you be willing to..."  He asked so kindly I immediately responded,

"Yes."

#3 - And he was happy to get an instant yes.

I was about to leave for a walk with a friend but I thought about it when I got groceries, how I wanted to take care of it as soon as I got home.  

And I did.

#4 - I skipped soccer again today because something is up with my knee, so I was grateful my friend was available to walk and get me outside.  There is/was a strong wind so it seemed unappealing, but having someone to walk with is motivating.

#5 - The fridge already seemed pretty full with a turkey thawing before I went grocery shopping, so I'm grateful the food actually fit (and that I am blessed enough to have this problem).

Ruts and Snowflakes

#1 - We went to the credit union for the 2nd time today to add my name to a joint bank account with Michael. The first time we returned home because we didn't have an appt. Today we returned home because they needed to do a credit check and I have security freezes to prevent identity theft. Sigh. Luckily we are not in a tight position time wise.

#2 -I've had some swelling in my knee so I walked while Michael jogged this AM. It was cloudy, but at one point there was this strip of clear light that felt captivating over the lake.

#3 - It's still a work in progress, but when I don't feel heard by Michael, I try to stop and mirror him/make sure he is feeling heard.  Most of the time, if I'm not feeling heard he isn't other, and it can prevent us from descending down a tunnel.

#4 -I am watching the first snowflakes fall and playing a little guitar with Storyhill to cleanse my energy. I can feel it caught on a rut and I need to move the dial.

#5 - My sister-in-law is back from her first solo trip to Japan in over 10 years (since having kids) and I look forward to hearing about it/possibly tomorrow.

The Clutter of the Mind

Almost anytime I listen to Tolle it is a gratitude for me, so this video in general is one. Specifically he spoke about a virus of sorts in thinking in the beginning of the video and some people losing the ability to engage in rational thought. 

 Also minutes 32:40-36 - where he speaks about kids growing up with the virtual world being more important to them than the physical world. So well said and my thoughts exactly. 

And then Rubin's response right after at 36:40. AMEN! "It's not just that we are being inundated with other people's thoughts, but that we are never giving ourselves the space, the moments where in the old days if you said, you were going to meet your friend at the restaurant, well if you went to the restaurant first and they weren't there, you might have to sit for a few moments. You might have to perhaps talk to somebody else, but you might have to just stand and look around and think and see people, where now we don't do that at all." Dave Rubin

Also I got a comic book of sorts from the library called Sex is a Funny Word, I knew I woudln't have time to read the whole thing to my niece and nephew, so I chose the chapter on touching. The book addresses it really well - lighthearted all kinds of touching. My niece and nephew thought the part with the smooching aunts that come to the child's birthday party was hilarious and asked me to read it a couple times.

In the part about unwanted touching my nephew told me there is a girl behind him in line that often pinches him but he's too shy to tell the teacher. One of the last words I would use to describe my nephew is shy so this really surprised me.

Then the book gets to "secret touching" and that if anyone ever tells you to keep touching a secret that is wrong and it is NOT your fault and to tell someone you trust. So we talked about people they could tell and this part seemed to go over the head of my nephew, but my niece seemed to soak it in.

Singing

 My friend Conie was hosting an online Zoom event for her Biracial and Rural - - storytelling and community singing event.

https://www.givemn.org/story/Biracialandrural

My niece is not growing up rural, but she is growing up biracial and so Conie asked me to invite her and my sister-in-law too.  Everyone else on the Zoom were adults.  I figured my 10 year old niece may get bored, but is mature and at minimum would sit thru it.  

Not only did she sit thru it, after her response was, "That was fun."

"What did you like about it?" me.

"I liked the songs."

I did too. I realized as I sat beside her - I've done a wide variety of activities with my niece, but I don't think I've ever done any singing!  It was so fun to sing with her and it made me want to think of ways that we can sing more together.

I also asked her after, if she's experienced a feeling of "being different".  She said, "I'm kind of surprised when people think I only eat sushi everyday. We eat spaghetti too."

"Who thinks that?"

"Two people at school."

 My nephew also participated by putting on various costumes and dancing in the background.  I gave him a time out of the room at one point for being loud and distracting, but overall he kept his shnanagins quiet enough that we could still participate.

I'm glad also that I asked my sister-in-law about her sister before I left. She is going to Japan soon and it will be the first time since her sister died, so though I'm sure she is excited to see her family, I'm sure it will carry a great deal of grief too.  She responded that today was that sister's birthday.

I'm glad I asked.

March March

 #1 - My brother sent me the link to Gaslighting by The Chicks yesterday and I was enthralled with that song and Sleep at Night. I also listened to March March - which was obviously so relevant when it came out, but I totally missed this album last year, but still resonates now. 

The quote that begins the video I saw today 

 "If your voice held no power they wouldn't try to silence you" unknown 

  

 #2 - It's hard to remember now as it is turning cool and rainy (which we need), but I started this AM biking to free outdoor yoga which continues, because we've had such a warm fall.  The sky and trees were beautiful and the lake felt peaceful with all the boats stored away for the winter.

#3 - Today I noticed resentment building in me so I went to Michael to talk it.  I am willing to be the "adult" for his daughter this weekend while both he and his ex are out of town, but the fact that not a single, "thank you," had of yet been uttered was starting to get on my nerves. I realized I was expecting that in the least and annoyed when asked about additional things to take her to this weekend.  So I spoke to Michael about it and he was receptive and apologized.

#4 -It was during this that I realized a bigger issue. It reminded me that we need many more positive comments to balance out negative ones.  And that it is hard to be receptive to negative comments or constructive feedback when we are not receiving positive ones to balance this out.  I just found a Harvard Business Review article that says ideally you have 6 positive to 1 constructive criticism and John Gottman - marriage researcher who says similar 5 to 1!

#5 - Usually Michael's daughters split emptying the dishwasher - one does the top rack and the other the bottom.  The eldest is gone this week, so the youngest asked, "Should I do both?"

"Yes, that would be great."

Random Gratitudes

#1 - I felt faster than usual on my jog today, may or may not have been true. It helps to jog in a different neighborhood, I'm trying to get the sense of different areas for our potential move. My niece ran a 6 1/2 minute mile and I've been wondering if I could jog an 8 minute mile.

#2 - It's sad to hear that now professional women soccer players are talking about sexual misconduct, but I'm glad they are feeling supported.

#3 - I finally was able to do a test order and website walk thru with a guy for work. I've tried tracking him down a few weeks and has not been available when he said he would be twice before.

#4 - I created a separate folder for homes going on sale so they aren't overwhelming my inbox which is going WAY better. I don't know why it took me so long but all those messages would stress me out and now I can just look when I want to. It seems prices may be lowering a little there was a 4 bed (1 in basement), 2 bath, 2 car garage in a pretty good location in our price range today. I drove by it and it looked ok. The majority of home may still be 1 bath or 2 bed or on a busy street...that pop up, but it's still good to see.

(Never mind I looked at that house online today and now it is $100,000 more, not sure if the original price was a mistype or what. #5 - I think I know how I'm voting on everything on the ballot this year except rent control. I'm happy to find my park commissioner voted for the Lake Hiawatha master plan which I am excited about (though the vote failed).

Physics Help

It's probably been a good 10+ years ago now that my cousin was visiting and needed help with her high school Math homework. I briefly looked at it, and thought the mental energy that would be required for me to be able to assist was more than I could muster. So I called a friend of mine, Matt who loves Math and Physics, "Is there any chance you could help today, or tomorrow. We will come to your place or meet your anywhere, anytime...?" He came to us and assisted her and was so kind and positive.

Yesterday Michael's eldest asked him if I could ask Matt to come help her as she'd done poorly on a Physics test that she wanted to retake. Matt had helped her with something once before. I was trying to think if we were asking too much, but upon reflection, the other time he helped her was at least a couple years ago, because it was before Co-Vid. So knowing it had been at least that long, I thought maybe we could offer him dinner so I called him to ask. When he called back he was so generous, and kind of dismissive of the dinner (as in he didn't need it). He said he enjoys it and it will be nice to visit us as well.

So first of all I'm obviously grateful for that.

Second of all I'm grateful for his type of friendship. We are friends because after college 5 of us (including him) lived in a house together for a year as full-time volunteers.

And that may have been more or less the end of that, but it's really the small activity of soccer that keeps us in each other's lives. For the past 8 or so years we've played on the same recreational team. Those weekly interactions are pretty small and superficial. We don't "hang" out or see each other otherwise. However, he is more than willing to help when a person in my life is having difficulty with Physics. I am grateful for friendships that come in various shapes and sizes. And I'm grateful that someone in my life thinks the one class I hated enough to drop in high school is "fun".

Then I'll add a gratitude that I heard Michael today start to make some sort of comment while making lunch that may have leaned towards critical to me, but catch himself and redirect his comment to be positive.

Finally, I am experiencing some unpleasant gas today and I am grateful to be working in our dining room alone, with the windows open.